Uno??? Oh! Nooooooooooooooo!

Where are those crazy people who constantly played Uno with my daughter? Just you come in front of me and I guarantee you a black eye! Come back, I say. All of you have gotten her addicted and went far, far away to your homes, that are far far away. Ok! I made the first mistake by actually buying those cards, but never in my wildest nightmare did I think that it will be so addictive. Neha has taken to it, like a fish to water. She is so competitive when playing it and she even knows how to cheat. You crazy people, did u cheat her, I mean, teach her that too? On any given day, I have to play at least, note the words ‘at least’, 20 rounds of Uno. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore! Somebody get me outta here!

Neha is so devious with Uno. There are times that she would have shuffled the cards and placed it such a way that she stands to get all the ‘wild’ cards. Can you beat that? A piddly 5 year old. At other times, she would have stashed a few wild cards under her legs and pulls it out when I am not watching. How about that? There are so many other tricks that she pulls off with so much ease, it just stumps me, every time. All that’s missing is a cigar! I am seriously considering paying a few people to come and play with her throughout the day. Any takers?

Just now, she came around asking to play Uno and I did the sensible thing. I ran! Too bad I don’t have much furniture around that I could use as obstacles. She caught me but I wiggled away saying that I am allergic to it. I wonder how long that will work.

Come and play with me Uno or else!

Recently I got in touch with a lot of my friends, courtesy Facebook. School buddies who I had lost contact with. It was not too long ago now, was it? In my mind, I have frozen it at ten years. Did I hear someone snigger? 19 years back, you say?? I don’t know about you, but not on my calculator it isn’t! And 10 it stays at! So here we are tuning into each others lives. Then we ask about the kids. They say their piece. I say mine. When I tell them about Neha’s antics, hoping I would get some sympathy, do you know what I get? Every single person has had the same reaction: Like mother, like daughter! So much for sympathy. The apple, they say, doesn’t fall far from the tree! :D

I will leave you with some gems from Neha:

Some days back, Neha was bugging me about doing something for her when I was cooking, and had something on all four burners of my gas stove.

Me: Neha, God has given me only two hands and two legs.
Neha: And one head, two eyes, one nose………

How could you keep a straight face after that???

************
Very rarely, do I decide to leave Neha with somebody. Mostly because I worry. Not about Neha, about the babysitter’s sanity. One such occasion I had to rely on my friend Uma to take care of her for an hour.

I got back to a very amused Uma. Neha told Uma that she wanted to listen to an English song. So she played a few. Nope, none of them, Neha said. Then Uma got her two girls to search too. For about 20mins, they played Britney Spears, Bon Jovi even Michael Jackson. None of them either, Neha said.

Uma: But which song is it? I don’t have any more. Can you tell how the song is?

Neha(frustrated): Uma aunty, don’t you have: “Pappu can’t dance, saala?”***

They were rolling around laughing till I came.

*** This is actually a Hindi song, that starts with English words.

************

Some talk came up recently about the Mumbai terrorist attack that occurred back in November 2008. Neha asked me about it and I gave her a brief insight into it. Of course, she was very upset.

Me: Please God, take care of Mumbai, take care of our loved ones there. Please make the bad people go away.

Neha: Yes God, please take care of everyone. God, please make the bad people good so that they will not shoot and hurt others.

Now, that is a sincere prayer that can only come from an innocent heart. I was so touched and ashamed that I could not pray like that.


********************

I can’t get over this gem from yesterday:

Neha had her GK exam yesterday. Since I had not bothered about the last four days of ‘Exams’, I thought it was about time I showed some interest in my daughters pursuit of education. Some heavy topics stared at me and along with that the sinking feeling that I am a really sick mother to push my kid out into the world and not even help her through. So I thought I will first assess her knowledge.

Me: Neha, what are the senses in your body?

Neha: Puzzled look (which by the way made me feel like scum)

Me: (Proceeding to prompt her a bit) You know, like with our eyes we see….

Neha; Oh that! Ok. With our eyes, we see. With our nose, we smell. With our tongue, we taste. With our ears, we hear. With our hands we, we touch. With our legs, we kick.

That was it. I was on the floor laughing uncontrollably (another sign of the pathetic excuse for a mom that I am). So much for those Taekwondo classes! Way to go, girl!!!