Playing Footsie

When I went for my daughter's last PTA, along with the progress report, we were given a discount coupon from a recently opened Beauty Salon. The salon was run by the parents’ of my daughter’s classmate. Being more interested in the matter at hand, I just shoved the coupon into my purse. I am not much into these salons. I have a lady who comes home and takes care of my basic beauty requirements (how cool is that!!!). It is only for pedicures that I venture out of my comfort zone. I can be considered the resident expert on pedicures offered by the salons in my area.

So here I am, aching for a pedicure and this new salon has been calling out to me. With my husband doing the babysitting, I darted off to this salon with my neighbor N (who happens to be rather new to the city). I told N that being a Pratyusha (my daughter’s school) mom entitles me to a discount. I was delirious with joy to discover that it was a 50% discount!! After the exchange of pleasantries, we settled down to business. There were two pedicure stations set up side by side. At the initial glance I knew something was amiss. But I guessed that they would work it out. I don’t really like to jump the gun and create a fuss. So patiently I waited as the procedure began. I could immediately make out that the two stations were distinctly different from the other. And so were the people attending to us.

I had a basin to soak my feet. By the time the lady filled the basin and went back to heat more water, it would already be cold. I was slowly boiling with anger. Then she began scrubbing. I had to tell her to stop, for fear that she was skinning me. It hurt that much. Then the cleaning under the nails felt almost as if she was trying to scoop out my nails. I had a clear understanding of what it must have felt like in a ‘concentration camp’! It just went on and on this like this. Then she gets up, tells me that her client has come ( duh, what was I??) and hands me over to another lady. This old and skinny lady looked like she would die as she massaged (and clawed) at my legs. I actually asked her to stop. Then she started clumping the nail polish on my nails. I just could not take it anymore, asked her to stop and told her that my 5-year old can apply nail paint better. Yes, I was pissed!

While I was being subjected to this obvious torture, I saw my friend relaxing at her station with a magazine in hand, totally enjoying herself. The seat she, had that bubbling hot water contraption, a holder to rest the leg for scrubbing. And the quality of the pedicure itself was so different and meticulous (the resident expert is talking!!!). She finished off by wiping her leg and feet with a wet hot towel and applied the nail paint with love. Witnessing this preferential treatment, was painful. I was contemplating on letting the owner know what I felt about her Salon.

As we footing the bill, without even checking, she applied a blanket discount too. So not only did my friend get the better end of the deal, she walked away with a discount too!!! Yes, my life sucks!! Hey, I have nothing against my friend getting the discount, but look at my rotten luck!!

The reason I am not really big into discounts is because I always end up regretting it. If it is a product/equipment, it won’t last. If it is a dress, u can bet your ass that it will tear/is already torn/ or won’t survive the first wash. Once recently, I had visited another new beauty salon for a pedicure (yeah, I like the works when it comes to pedicure and besides I don’t do it as often as I would like to. So I really have big expectations of this). The pedicure was awesome. The lady told me that I am entitled to a free facial. I declined the offer. The lady got slightly offended and told me that I should not consider it so-so, just because it is free. I still declined. No free stuff for me. Thanks. What is the point in having nice feet and scarred face. No thanks! I must have looked like a jack ass to her!!! I mean, who does not like freebies. But it just does not work for me. The moment I see the word ‘free’, I am sure there is something wrong with it!

My question to you is: Would you go back and give the owner of that Salon a dressing down? What would you say? I am contemplating between never going back and going back, letting her have it, and making it work for me.

P.S: Now you would say: Serves you right! Why don’t you find a nice salon and stick to it? Well, these places were much closer home. Since time is always a scarcity for me, a parlor near-by, is always better.

P.S again: When my friend and I were leaving the salon after that eventful pedicure, the lady handed us compliments. My friend opened her pack. It was a mirror case. Since we got the same thing, I did not bother opening. Much later when I did open it, one mirror came off in my hand!! Stop laughing, you guys!!! Don’t laugh at my misery! Stop it, NOW!!!

P.S: yet again: For all those who read this post because of the title, shame on you!!!

Why don't Indians give back to society?

This author has echoed a lot of thoughts that I have been wrestling with for a long time now. Please do read till the end and very carefully with an open mind. The question asked in the beginning had the hit-me-in-the-face kind of effect when I read all the way till the end and read the answer!

DO YOU FULLY AGREE WITH THIS AUTHOR?

Why Indians don’t give back to society

By Aakar Patel, Mint, July 4, 2009

Some characteristics unite Indians.
The most visible is our opportunism

Why don’t we worship Brahma? We know he’s part of the Hindu trinity as the creator, but we worship Vishnu, manager of the cosmos, and Shiva, its eventual destroyer. The answer lies not in religion, but in culture. But in what way does our religion shape our culture?

Weber explained the success of capitalism in the US, Germany and Britain as coming from their populations’ Protestant faith. This ethic, or culture, was missing from the Catholic populations of South America, Italy and Spain. Protestants, Weber said, extended Christianity’s message of doing good deeds, to doing work well. Industry and enterprise had an ultimate motive: public good. That explains the philanthropists of the US, from John D. Rockefeller to Andrew Carnegie to Bill Gates.

What explains the behaviour of Indians? What explains the anarchy of our cities? To find out, we must ask how our behaviour is different.

Some characteristics unite Indians. The most visible is our opportunism. One good way to judge a society is to see it in motion. On the road, we observe the opportunism in the behaviour of the Indian driver. Where traffic halts on one side of the road in India, motorists will encroach the oncoming side because there is space available there. If that leads to both sides being blocked, that is fine, as long as we maintain our advantage over people behind us or next to us. This is because the other man cannot be trusted to stay in his place.

The Indian’s instinct is to jump the traffic light if he is convinced that the signal is not policed. If he gets flagged down by the police, his instinct is to bolt. In an accident, his instinct is to flee. Fatal motoring cases in India are a grim record of how the driver ran over people and drove away.

We show the pattern of what is called a Hobbesian society: one in which there is low trust between people. This instinct of me-versus-the- world leads to irrational behaviour, demonstrated when Indians board flights. We form a mob at the entrance, and as the flight is announced, scramble for the plane even though all tickets are numbered. Airlines modify their boarding announcements for Indians taking international flights.

Our opportunism necessarily means that we do not understand collective good. Indians will litter if they are not policed. Someone else will always pick up the rubbish we throw. Thailand’s toilets are used by as many people as India’s toilets are, but they are likely to be not just clean but spotless. This is because that’s how the users leave them, not the cleaners.

The Indian’s reluctance to embrace collective good hurts his state. A study of income-tax compliance between 1965 and 1993 in India (Elsevier Science/Das- Gupta, Lahiri and Mookherjee) concluded that “declining assessment intensity had a significant negative effect” on compliance, while “traditional enforcement tools (searches, penalties and prosecution activity) had only a limited effect” on Indians. The authors puzzled over the fact that “India’s income tax performance (was) below the average of countries with similar GDP per capita”.

We do not think stealing from the state is a bad thing, and our ambiguity extends to corruption, which also we do not view in absolute terms. Political parties in India understand this and corruption is not an issue in Indian politics. Politicians who are demonstrably corrupt, recorded on camera taking a bribe or saying appalling things, or convicted by a court, can hold legitimate hope of a comeback—unthinkable in the West.
The opportunist is necessarily good at adapting, and that explains the success of Indians abroad. We can follow someone else’s rules well, even if we can’t enforce them at home ourselves. The Indian in the US is peerless at the Spelling Bee because the formula of committing things to memory, which in India passes for knowledge, comes naturally to him. But this talent for adapting and memorizing is not the same as a talent for creation.

The question is: Why are we opportunists?

In his great work Crowds and Power, Elias Canetti observed that the rewards religions promised their faithful were all far off, in the afterlife. This is because a short goal would demand demonstration from god and create skeptics instead of believers. There is an exception to this in Hinduism. Hinduism is not about the other world. There is no afterlife in Hinduism and rebirth is always on earth. The goal is to be released entirely and our death rites and beliefs -- funeral in Kashi -- seek freedom from rebirth.

Christianity and Islam are about how to enter heaven; Hinduism is about how not to return to earth, because it’s a rotten place. Naipaul opens his finest novel with the words “The world is what it is”, and Wittgenstein ( “The world is all that is the case”) opens his Tractatus similarly.

Hinduism recognizes that the world is irredeemable: It is what it is. Perhaps this is where the Hindu gets his world view -- which is zero-sum -- from. We might say that he takes the pessimistic view of society and of his fellow man. But why?

The Hindu devotee’s relationship with god is transactional: I give you this, you give me that. God must be petitioned and placated to swing the universe’s blessings towards you. God gives you something not through the miracle, and this is what makes Hinduism different, but by swinging that something away from someone else. This is the primary lesson of the Vedic fire sacrifice. There is no benefit to one without loss to another. Religion is about bending god’s influence towards you through pleas, and appeasement, through offerings.

Society has no role in your advancement and there is no reason to give back to it (in any way, including leaving the toilets clean behind you) because it hasn’t given you anything in the first place. That is why Indian industrialists are not philanthropists. Rockefeller always gave a tenth of his earnings to the Church, and then donated hundreds of millions, fighting hookworm and educating black women. Bill Gates gave $25 billion (around Rs1.2 trillion), and his cause is fighting malaria, which does not even affect Americans. Warren Buffett gave away $30 billion, almost his entire fortune. Andrew Carnegie built 2,500 libraries. Dhirubhai Ambani International School has annual fees starting at Rs47,500 (with a Rs 24,000 admission fee) and Mukesh Ambani’s daughter was made head girl.

An interesting thing to know is this: Has our culture shaped our faith or has our faith shaped our culture? I cannot say. To return to the question we started with: Why is Brahma not worshipped? The answer is obvious: He has nothing to offer us. What he could do for us, create the universe, he already has. There is no gain in petitioning him now.

We Indians have to look inward. I have read a lot of mails in this regard which asks us to look inward and treat the world around us with care, not careless abandon! Like I tell my husband, we, each one of us, have to change ourselves from within for the collective good. We cannot always standby and blame the guy before us for littering. The general tendency is to think : This place is already dirty. My wrapper cannot do anymore harm. Or, why should I raise my voice against this injustice? See the crowd. They are not saying anything. Let us stick with the popular notion on this. Guys, every time we are faced with corruption or littering or the general welfare of the world around us, let us raise our voice, even if it is feeble. Somebody else might take courage too and soon, it will be a shout loud enough to be heard and reckoned with!

Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to hurt religious sentiments and does not intend to target any community in particular either.

Did I just go on a vacation?

I happen to personally know a travel coordinator from hell! Unfortunately I happen to have used his services for five years now. Time and time again, I think that maybe I should just give him one more chance. Well, I just happened to give him that last chance. He screwed up so bad, that I have decided never to use his services. Ever again!

I have mentioned before about that fact that I am geographically challenged. So when it comes to travelling, I rather rely on somebody else. I know nothing about train routes and stuff. In fact, I hate trains. I can go one step further and safely say that I loathe travelling in them. I don’t mind those sitting journeys, but those overnight trips can really make me edgy. I prefer bus journeys, may be because the stinky toilets are not stuck to it. About a day before a train journey, the eating and drinking almost comes to a halt. I can assure you that in the past 5 days, I must surely not have consumed more than 500 ml of water.

I travelled to Mumbai. Was it that much awaited vacation? NO!!! I just want to pretend that the last 5 days did not happen. I cannot believe that we spend 5 days and a certainly ridiculous amount of money for nothing. The whole journey and the experiences amounted to almost nothing. So, now I am seething, knowing that, 5 days and a lot of money was wasted and I did not have that vacation that I so craved. It was terrible from the word go. By now you must have understood that I was dragged into this trip. There was a lot of emotional crap heaped on me and how I was not understanding why I should travel etc.

Like I said, I was on the edge. Once we got off the train, I told myself to stop cribbing and try and enjoy myself. I was really kidding myself. The accommodation that we ‘had’ to stay in was not really confirmed. We did not carry the address either, so we were at the mercy of the cab driver. And in a place like Mumbai, they fleece you like crazy. They can sniff an outsider. Mind you this was at 4:30 am. Now that we did not have a place to stay, we had to hunt for one. We did. And it was pathetic for the price we were paying.

Then we ‘had’ to travel on the local train. I was told that in Mumbai, you ‘must’ travel on the locals or you have not really experienced Mumbai. Well, if you ask me, I could really have done without that ‘experience’. The weather was humid, I just wanted to tear my clothes and get into a jeans n tee. But then, what am I thinking. What would the people we visit think about me! Ooops!

This gentleman that we visited was ill and his doctors have told his family that he is slipping away. Much as I felt sorry for him and his family, I had to acknowledge the fact that this man was just a neighbor to my in-laws. Yup! We went all the way to meet a neighbor! We travelled more than 2 days on stinky trains, paid hotel fare for 3 days, and what not, to see a neighbor. Can u imagine to what lengths we might go had he been a relative?? I shudder to think.

We just travelled to far and wide places in Mumbai, meeting people we could have really done without meeting. There was no time to shop or sightsee. Actually I did not care for it either. I just wanted out. I craved for those few trips that I made with my friends, where I could soak in the rain; dip into a pond, without a care. Then, it did matter how we got to our destination. Now, I have to watch what I eat, where I go, how I go etc, courtesy the fact that I have a kid. Then the whole thing of swine flu was looming large. I was worried sick.

The journey back was ridiculous. You see, we had waitlisted tickets, a fact that was kept hidden from me. We left the hotel at 10 am on Sunday, only to reach home the next day at 1 pm. We had to get off the train at 5 pm on Sunday in Pune because we did not have confirmed reservations. I was told that there are numerous buses that ply from there to Hyderabad. But as luck would have it, we managed to get tickets on the worst bus in the world, which was to depart at 7:30 and which finally started at 10 pm.

You must be wondering who is my travel coordinator, right? Well, that amazing person is my husband! Don’t laugh, you guys!!! I thought he might compliment me in the one area where I admit some weakness, i.e., travelling. According to his tales, he practically grew up travelling on trains and he knows many places like the back of his hand. Well, it looks like I have to invest in an atlas some travel books and some time on the internet if I have to travel ever again. Nope this travel coordinator is surely going to go out of business! I am not buying his plans, ever again!


Edited to add :

Shopping? You must be kidding. Where was the time? If you can count buying slippers to replace your broken one, then yes, I have shopped! We were so busy travelling like mad people from one end of Mumbai to another. I mean, none of the people we visited felt even remotely sorry for us knowing that we were travelling with an old lady and a young kid. They should have agreed to meet out. If I describe one of the eating experiences I had at a friends house, you' d really feel sorry for us. And the distance we had to travel to get there! Wow!

We did have a meal at the Leopold cafe and saw the Taj, both of which were vandalised by terrorists in November 2008. Leopold is back in business and there were those few tell-tale signs of bombs and gun shots. Sitting there, I realised how vulnerable the whole situation was.

I did not mention Neha on purpose. If there was ever a strain on our relationship, it happened this time. She really went berserk with all the travelling and the bad food. She practically lived on chocolates which gave rise to other issues. Travelling was a total nightmare. For some reason, my M-I-L who normally does not interfere when I disciplined Neha, decided to act up and interfered like crazy. So, every time I said no to a particular thing, that thing was promptly handed over by my M-I-L or husband. It did not take my tantrum free child too long to figure out how it works. She began daring me to try and discipline her. By the end of the trip, Neha even vocally said that she does not like me. It broke my heart.

When we got back, I had to really put my foot down and enforce some serious discipline. I am having to balance discipline and love very precariously now. It will take me a while to get things back in order. I am really fatigued in many ways. I am emotionally and physically strained by this trip.

Did you have a friend like this? Hopefully not!

When you have fun, it surely cannot be completely wiped out from your memory in the near future, right? As time passes, the exact details might be hazy, but the fact that you’ve had loads of fun will be retained, right? Well, when I have asked people this, the answer has always been - yes. And when I see photographs put up by friends, of their childhood days, well, they seem to have had fun!

Why is it then that when I try and recall childhood days of fun, all it draws is a blank?? Can you just imagine how horrible that feels? When a childhood friend told me about how much fun it was to be around me in school, all I could tell her was they were stolen moments. I asked her to tell me more. She told me that I was popular and fun. She had no idea as to the amount of pain that I had to mask to get a smile on my face back then. I had to be terribly brave to mask the sadness and just breathe the few hours that I spent at school. There again, it was not that simple.

There was this girl called S, same age as me, who went to school with me. She was the daughter of my mother’s friend (the local bitch. S was a chip of the old, ugly block. Unfortunately, since we lived in the same neighborhood, we even traveled to school by the same bus. Fortunately, we did not have to share the same classroom. Thank God for that!

S used to keep a track of me. Frankly, I do not know what she had against me. The only thing was that, she was a bit on the heavier side. Not that I ever called her fat. Now S would get back home and relate the days events to her mom, adding her own bit of spice. And all hell would break loose in my house. Not once, not even the teeniest tiniest once, did I ever squeak on her. She did tons of stuff that would get her in trouble. But I never ratted on her. Maybe it was because I did want another person to go through what I did. Maybe it was because my mother would not believe me. Maybe I did not care anymore. Whatever the reasons, I just never served her up for trouble. But S did so time and again, knowing really well how it would affect me. Can you believe that I was ordered not have any friends other than S?? Every evening would be spent in fear as soon as that friend of my mother would call. And the best part was that, my mother thought that S was such a nice person to bitch about her friends to her mom. I would be scolded for not ratting on my friends. But I never shared that kind of rapport with my mom. All she was waiting for, was a mistake from my mouth. But if S would have told it like it is, things might have been different. She usually would add a little extra to make it look worse. So that the limelight is off her!

I went through a friend’s childhood photos recently. I looked on wonderingly as her childhood unfolded before me. The terrible sadness that enveloped me, as I went through her birthday parties through the years, pajama parties, Meeting friends at each others houses, swimming trophies, karate classes, trips to the park, school events at which she won prizes, was unbearable. It hit me that this girls and scores of others around me lived a normal fun-filled childhood. We went to the same school, which means that we got back home at the same time. But despite that, there were so much else to their life that made such a colorful picture in my bleak black and white life. All I could after school, was wait for the rest of the day to unfold, take all the verbal and physical abuse, wait for the day to end and look forward to the few hours of school the next day. Away from home. Away from the pain. Just for a while. As you can imagine, I HATED holidays. School vacations were two months of unimaginable boredom. I would never tell if I was sick, because I did not want to miss school. I could not bear to be at home.

I had written earlier about how my friends shared a rapport beyond school and college. So I was always this person who was looking in from the outside. Though I was happy for them, more often their ramblings about how much fun they had at the party etc, would be like molten wax in my ears.

Now I look back with the horrible realization that my childhood years have slipped by me, without a trace of fun. I want it back! I want those photographs too. Photographs that speak of the fun I had. Yes, I want it. It is not enough if I just see my daughter or the other kids around me have fun. I want to run around with careless abandon. I want close friends with whom I have shared fun with.

Now when I see pictures of S, knowing that she went to college and stayed in a hostel, she made all the right career moves, is globe trotting while she was responsible for making my life so difficult, I cannot help but feel the pain and the anger that stems from it. I am not unhappy where I am, but the fact that I could have studied further, explored the world beyond the home, really, really hurts, She was having fun while I was busy shielding myself from pain and trying to barely survive.

Is it wrong to feel that way? I know I have repressed anger. But I don’t make an issue out of it in my daily life. But it does surface once in a while like this. Yes, I will try not to go through photo albums titled “Nostalgia” or the “The Fun Days” Or “Carefree Yesteryears”. I will steer clear of such things that will cause me to go through such emotions. :D

Maybe you guys can tell me how I should have kicked S’s ass! Should I tell her what a pain she was?

Anchor Ahoy!

There are some people who change their location very frequently or in some cases, often enough. Legend has it that such people have the formation of circles under their big toe (like how finger prints have ridge and circle formations etc). Such people apparently are always on the move. Well, me thinks mine has the formation of an anchor! A heavy one at that!

When I was courting my, then boyfriend, now husband, I hardly got to see him because of his travel. He was either in the US or UK. When our wedding date was announced, the first thing that happened was that, the department he was working with, got scrapped, and he was realigned to a desk job. My anchor kicked in by then already! :D I had by then, daydreamed about taking a break from work and traveling around the world. Fat chance of that happening. And just when I was about to travel on work to the UK, I got pregnant! But while my anchor anchors me, it has a total opposite effect on those around me. Magnetic polarity or some such thing.

Of late, I have noticed an alarming trend. I have realized that as I get close to somebody, they relocate. All those who want to relocate, please form a queue. I am going to charge from now on. I will try and make some money in my misery! :D Much like the Visa God!! Ha! Ha!

A few days back, my dear friend, Uma, broke the news to me that she is relocating to Chennai. From then, people have been asking me, how I am taking it. Well, I have taken the hit 4-5 already in the past year. I am kind of used to it now. I have made scores of friends who have been scattered to all parts of the world. It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep track of all these people. And now I am beginning to get confused as to who I knew from where. Old age, I guess!

Jokes apart, I am going to miss Uma. It is good fun to have her around. Though we are of the same age, she married early and has two teenage daughters. While I, have a 5-year old. She is my ready reckoner on a lot of topics including parenting. But of course, her kids were (and are) a lot calmer. And she often has her head in her hands as she hears of Neha’s latest capers. We hit it off well on many grounds, be it cooking or shopping or whatever. We would even dislike the same kind of people. And whenever something odd or funny happens near us, all we had to do was exchange glances and we would have a great laugh over it later! It is amazing how she combines old world charm and modernity with so much ease.

Neha was so upset when she heard they are moving. She said, “What is this, mamma? Everybody is going. Let us also move to America!” America is the ultimate destination for her. First I have to unhook that anchor! Lemme get working on that first! Too bad we cannot change our finger prints! :D

No Kidding!

I had to put aside the current post I was working on to respond more capably to Bones’ post on - Disciplining Children Means our Love is Conditional. I love topics on parenting. There are so many times that I have drawn inspirations from the blogging world on parenting. I could not have done justice to what I have to say with just a comment on Bones’ page. So here goes:

This is purely my take on this topic. I draw my inspiration from life itself. I read up too. But then you have to learn to absorb what best suits you and your family. And forget the rest. I am not the perfect parent. But I am the best parent my daughter could have. Since my daughter is a combo of my husband and I with a lot of genetic inputs from our respective families, there can be nobody better than us to parent our child. That is, provided we have taken stock of our strengths, weaknesses, habits etc. Chances are, that our daughter will be a decent combination of the two of us. As my daughter is growing and presenting her various facets, I know I cannot afford to be too angry with her as her genes are reinforcing their presence! But I cannot let go either. So I try and look for a suitable solution to the problem.

When I became a parent, I knew and understood the huge responsibility that was handed over to me. I knew it will be overwhelming at times. I knew that I might make mistakes (I have made some awful ones, for which I berate myself every time) and that it was OK. Nobody is scoring us. But at the same time, negative styles of parenting (repeated over a period of time) can result in behavioral issues in children. But if you realize early on that a particular style of parenting is wrong, or if it is not giving the desired results, put an end to it immediately.

I have a sincere belief on parenting and my parenting style is modeled around this belief. I firmly believe that as long as your child KNOWS with every cell in her body that you love her, there is just no way that you can have a negative impact on her. Some tactics work on some kids while other tried and tested tactics fail miserably. Just focus on building a super-strong foundation for the kids and that is the only thing in the world that a child will get back to in times of doubt. I believe this very strongly. You would know the most perfect approach to parenting your kids. You have to love your kids with your whole heart, lay a strong foundation for them to work on and leave the rest to them to fine tune as they see fit, when they are adults. The one focus I have as I am bringing up Neha is that I want her to know that she is loved, truly and deeply (no matter what), and that nothing or nobody can take away from it.

Also, if each and every one of us who decide to step into parenthood, step into with our eyes wide open, we would do a lot better. There are many things that we have to handle as it is dealt our way. But not the whole aspect of parenthood itself. Getting back to my belief system, If we all focus on raising a morally and socially responsible child, the world would be a better place. Yes, we have to function within our means. Love, unconditional (and loads of it, mind you) cannot be replaced with anything. You will just be kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

Party Hearty

Yesterday, I attended a really lame birthday party. I thought I must blog about this and get it out of my system. My five-year old does not need me around. But I make it a point to attend a few parties with her. The rest she attends by herself. Now which ones do I attend with her? The ones where I have a bunch of friends coming to, or the ones where the hostess requires a bit of help or the ones where the house is filthy. The one I attended yesterday, fell into the last category. I cringe at having to sit in that house. The fact that balloons were put up, did not take away from the fact that the dining table on which the cake was cut was dusty, filthy and messed with things don’t require to be on the dining table. And the wash basin was a potential breeding place for a lot of diseases. As I am typing this post and recalling the way the house looked, I am shaking with disgust.

The hostess is a rather good friend of mine and I cannot, not send my kid, if you know what I mean. So I attend this do and keep an eye on my kid. Just to make sure she gets a clean plate and glass and that she washes her hands. Ok, so the stuff she gets to eat at the party is as thoughtless as the party itself. But I have learnt to let go. Now you ask, “What kind of good friend are you, when you cannot even tell your friend that she disgusts you in this way?” Well, on my part, I did try. Tried to tell her that some place that I visited was rather dirty and the kids are always sick because of it (By the way, her kids always have stomach ailments and cold/fever). What do you think her reaction was? Well, she was disgusted right along with me, and went on to extol the virtues of cleanliness! So much for trying.

You see, if it was just messy, I could deal with it. It is the filth that I cannot ignore. Then another time (one of the many times I have had these discussions with her) I put it across saying that no matter how sick I am feeling, I make it a point to try and clear up the mess at home. Well courtesy that, I have been labeled a cleanliness freak, somebody with border line OCD even! She tells me that I can fall really sick if I carry on this way!

Considering that the world has been in recession for a while, I have been thinking about all the frivolous and stupid things we do, that can be given a miss. One of the things that I felt strongly about was the return gifts (party favors) that are given at birthday parties. I don’t know which nut started this trend and why it has been carried on. I have not seen a more meaningless act of giving. The giver and the receiver know that the party favor idea and the gift selected out of sheer lack of thought is so lame, but nobody has the will to put an end to it. Have mercy people! Nobody (and when I say nobody, I mean nobody) can stand those crappy Chinese-made toys (Chinese people, don’t take offence. I totally love you guys) that don’t work or that die an untimely death after the first attempt at working. And what about those cheap lunch boxes made of cheap plastic. I mean, how many lunch boxes can a kid have?? And don’t even get me started on the pencil boxes ( Did I hear many sighs of disgust?). The pencils don’t write and cannot be sharpened because the plastic coating starts to peel and comes in the way of the sharpener doing an effective job(which by the way, it may do just once). The eraser will just spread the black of the lead across the page. And the ruler, can’t even reach the length of a small note book. Clearly it was made to fit into the miniature case that comes with it. These gifts look really good in my dustbin. What a waste of money. Donate to the poor, guys!

Then the other day, I went to a party. I might have to go back there and retrieve my jaws from their lawn. The frivolousness of the whole do was amazing. They had done up the lawns in pink and white. There were tables and chairs that were draped across the back with huge pink bows. Frilly centre pieces with Disney characters (the princess variety). Huge cutouts. Crazy number of balloons in pink and white and a crazy number of helium balloons with the kids name printed on it. There were a lot of crowns and wands being handed out. In addition to all this, there was a tattoo artist, a juggler guy, and one of those huge, deflate able, jumping things. The party favor was a frivolous as frivolous can be. There was a photographer clicking away. I thought to myself that they must have some underground storage space where they can afford to store the hundreds of pictures the guys was clicking! Then I found out. As we left, the hostess handed me a picture of my daughter, framed and handed to me in a pink, frilly bag with Disney characters! That was truly the icing on the cake! The kid was just five years old. Can you imagine what they have to do to outdo this party?? Imagine the impression it made on the minds of the other kids! What a waste of money! Donate to the poor, guys!

In a bid to save a lot of people from wasting their time and money, I have decided to stop giving party favors and will try and spread the good word too. Yes, I risk it all at the cost of being labeled poor. So be it! If I succeed, there might be a time when parents will narrate stories to their kids like this: Once upon a time, long, long ago when there were party favors…..

Yeah, I know, we might put a lot of Chinese people out of work. Let them learn English and join call centers.

Please tell me about some of the lousy party favors your kids have received.