I had to put aside the current post I was working on to respond more capably to Bones’ post on - Disciplining Children Means our Love is Conditional. I love topics on parenting. There are so many times that I have drawn inspirations from the blogging world on parenting. I could not have done justice to what I have to say with just a comment on Bones’ page. So here goes:
This is purely my take on this topic. I draw my inspiration from life itself. I read up too. But then you have to learn to absorb what best suits you and your family. And forget the rest. I am not the perfect parent. But I am the best parent my daughter could have. Since my daughter is a combo of my husband and I with a lot of genetic inputs from our respective families, there can be nobody better than us to parent our child. That is, provided we have taken stock of our strengths, weaknesses, habits etc. Chances are, that our daughter will be a decent combination of the two of us. As my daughter is growing and presenting her various facets, I know I cannot afford to be too angry with her as her genes are reinforcing their presence! But I cannot let go either. So I try and look for a suitable solution to the problem.
When I became a parent, I knew and understood the huge responsibility that was handed over to me. I knew it will be overwhelming at times. I knew that I might make mistakes (I have made some awful ones, for which I berate myself every time) and that it was OK. Nobody is scoring us. But at the same time, negative styles of parenting (repeated over a period of time) can result in behavioral issues in children. But if you realize early on that a particular style of parenting is wrong, or if it is not giving the desired results, put an end to it immediately.
I have a sincere belief on parenting and my parenting style is modeled around this belief. I firmly believe that as long as your child KNOWS with every cell in her body that you love her, there is just no way that you can have a negative impact on her. Some tactics work on some kids while other tried and tested tactics fail miserably. Just focus on building a super-strong foundation for the kids and that is the only thing in the world that a child will get back to in times of doubt. I believe this very strongly. You would know the most perfect approach to parenting your kids. You have to love your kids with your whole heart, lay a strong foundation for them to work on and leave the rest to them to fine tune as they see fit, when they are adults. The one focus I have as I am bringing up Neha is that I want her to know that she is loved, truly and deeply (no matter what), and that nothing or nobody can take away from it.
Also, if each and every one of us who decide to step into parenthood, step into with our eyes wide open, we would do a lot better. There are many things that we have to handle as it is dealt our way. But not the whole aspect of parenthood itself. Getting back to my belief system, If we all focus on raising a morally and socially responsible child, the world would be a better place. Yes, we have to function within our means. Love, unconditional (and loads of it, mind you) cannot be replaced with anything. You will just be kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
This is purely my take on this topic. I draw my inspiration from life itself. I read up too. But then you have to learn to absorb what best suits you and your family. And forget the rest. I am not the perfect parent. But I am the best parent my daughter could have. Since my daughter is a combo of my husband and I with a lot of genetic inputs from our respective families, there can be nobody better than us to parent our child. That is, provided we have taken stock of our strengths, weaknesses, habits etc. Chances are, that our daughter will be a decent combination of the two of us. As my daughter is growing and presenting her various facets, I know I cannot afford to be too angry with her as her genes are reinforcing their presence! But I cannot let go either. So I try and look for a suitable solution to the problem.
When I became a parent, I knew and understood the huge responsibility that was handed over to me. I knew it will be overwhelming at times. I knew that I might make mistakes (I have made some awful ones, for which I berate myself every time) and that it was OK. Nobody is scoring us. But at the same time, negative styles of parenting (repeated over a period of time) can result in behavioral issues in children. But if you realize early on that a particular style of parenting is wrong, or if it is not giving the desired results, put an end to it immediately.
I have a sincere belief on parenting and my parenting style is modeled around this belief. I firmly believe that as long as your child KNOWS with every cell in her body that you love her, there is just no way that you can have a negative impact on her. Some tactics work on some kids while other tried and tested tactics fail miserably. Just focus on building a super-strong foundation for the kids and that is the only thing in the world that a child will get back to in times of doubt. I believe this very strongly. You would know the most perfect approach to parenting your kids. You have to love your kids with your whole heart, lay a strong foundation for them to work on and leave the rest to them to fine tune as they see fit, when they are adults. The one focus I have as I am bringing up Neha is that I want her to know that she is loved, truly and deeply (no matter what), and that nothing or nobody can take away from it.
Also, if each and every one of us who decide to step into parenthood, step into with our eyes wide open, we would do a lot better. There are many things that we have to handle as it is dealt our way. But not the whole aspect of parenthood itself. Getting back to my belief system, If we all focus on raising a morally and socially responsible child, the world would be a better place. Yes, we have to function within our means. Love, unconditional (and loads of it, mind you) cannot be replaced with anything. You will just be kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
5 comments:
I just loved this post.
Yes, true, honest and unconditional love from a parent, is the only thing that'll make or break the child. Super post !!!
Superb post Bins!!!!!
....abt the love bit of it.....my feelings precisely. Its not like we are going to be 100% 'model' parents ALL the time. Its the LOVE our children will remember, will feel, when they look back and everything should be alright:-))
Parenting is tough but my policy is do what you deem right for your child. Every kid is different so the tactics to deal with their problems is different too.
"I firmly believe that as long as your child KNOWS with every cell in her body that you love her, there is just no way that you can have a negative impact on her" - absolutely true!
It is very subjective and always controversial how we should parent. We can never generalize it, as each human being is different. The way I parent my first child does not always work for my second child, as the way the communication goes is different between different individuals.
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