Of life and death

Two weeks back, I lost my Father-in-law to death. His life was snuffed out in a second by a cardiac arrest. He was to get back home the next day. Remember the wedding I wrote about some posts back. He had gone over to conduct that wedding. The bride had lost her mother to Cancer about 2 years back and my father-in-law promised that lady that he would get her daughter married. He stood by his promise. He stood by all his promises.

The last I felt this bad was when I lost my grandfather. In the days that followed I was reminded of this bit of the poem by Robert Frost:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

The next few days after that went by in a haze. There were so many ceremonies that were conducted which according to Hindu religion, will see him to the other side. Though I have thought about death often, there was always one thing that was important to me. I always feel that when a person goes, all the people whose lives were touched by that person, should stand there to shed a tear by their graveside.

And that is what I saw for my father-in-law. Such a gentle, caring and respectful man. He never had an unkind word to say, a rude comment or even a nasty look. Of course, I knew him only for 5 years. But he was the perfect father-in-law. When I entered the household 5 years back, I saw the photographs of a Naval Officer resplendent in his uniform. One could not mistake the look of pride on his face. Then when I actually met him, I was shocked to discover what a disease like Parkinson’s could do to a person. By then about 11 years into Parkinson’s, he was not even a faint shadow of the person in the photograph. His mind sharp as an arrow, he could recall each detail very vividly and sadly his body was unable to keep pace with him.

He must be so proud of his wife who stood by his side like a rock and took care of him more than any doctor could. She was so well versed with his disease that she could easily do a superb job if she were to take it up seriously as a vocation. She could detect even the slightest change in his gait and alter the medicines accordingly. He used to have various medications at least 10 times a day and in different combination's. She used to pack them beforehand for a few weeks at a time. That way she would know if there was any shortage of his medication in the market and source it accordingly. The way she used to pack them was amazing. You had to see it to believe it! And the doctors were always amazed that though Parkinson’s is a progressive disease, he was in perfectly good health except for his disease. Till his last day, he even bathed by himself.

He must be so proud of his three sons who sat for hours together and performed each and every ceremony without flinching even once. Whatever they were required to do, they would do it with diligence and utter faith, often sleeping just for 3-4 hours every night for about two weeks.

We will miss you terribly, Pappa. May your soul rest in peace.