I am truly upset and angry. I want to just scream out loud. The injustice has to stop. The fear has to go away. We cannot all watch this nonsense with our hands tied behind our backs. This man is after all a cheap, spineless bastard. How could he deny in writing the very things he admitted to us just the day before?
I wrote some blogs back about a friend who has been suffering at the hands of her husband. You can read it here. Well, the update is that she has finally had the guts to seek divorce. Despite all this, he has beaten her up several times. She then also filed criminal proceedings against him for harassment. Though he was taken to the police station, he was not arrested. But let away with a warning. You think that would drill some sense into him. Not a chance in hell.
The other day she called me close to midnight, crying. He had hit her on the head. She was in a lot of pain. My heart sank. And now, the other day, hardened by all she has been going through, she retaliated when he attacked her. She pushed him away from her, he slipped and hurt his arm. He called all and sundry to tell everyone what an awful woman she is and how she is making his life miserable. I was there too. He blurted out a lot of stuff including the fact that there is a criminal case against him. And now he has the guts to deny it in public.
Which means he knows that none of us who heard it from him one will stand up to him. Is that not what it really means? Blatant aggressiveness and guts. To think that he will be allowed to go on terrorizing this woman. At least 12 of us know all the gory details. I know it is their personal life, but he is now the acting president of our society here and is going to contend for the upcoming elections. Somebody with such cheap morals should be heading the association alright! In Prison maybe!
Many a times in the recent past, I have caught myself hoping that the law in my country was a bit more reasonable when it comes to victims. Some how, it seems rather tailor-made to suit criminals and their likes. It is making me really angry. I believe I am rather fair when it comes to taking sides and choosing right over wrong. I try not be unreasonable and partial.
When we do not stand up against wrongs, is it not an endorsement to the wrong doer that he can continue doing what he feels like? Is this not the way corruption starts? Bleeding us all till the last drop? Why are we warned to stay away? “Don’t get involved is what I am told.” Why not? When what is happening is public knowledge, is it not our moral responsibility to do what is right? Should I just sit back and watch till he murders her and then maybe stage it as an accident? WHAT SHOULD I DO? My conscience is really urging me to help bring the truth out, but I cannot act unless my husband gives me the go ahead. He is (but naturally) worried for us. But should we all just stay paralyzed with fear and not do anything to help people around us? All this helplessness is making me really angry. And when I believe in something, I like to throw myself whole heartedly into it. I have been walking around with a lump in my throat, unable to express myself the way I want to.
I wrote some blogs back about a friend who has been suffering at the hands of her husband. You can read it here. Well, the update is that she has finally had the guts to seek divorce. Despite all this, he has beaten her up several times. She then also filed criminal proceedings against him for harassment. Though he was taken to the police station, he was not arrested. But let away with a warning. You think that would drill some sense into him. Not a chance in hell.
The other day she called me close to midnight, crying. He had hit her on the head. She was in a lot of pain. My heart sank. And now, the other day, hardened by all she has been going through, she retaliated when he attacked her. She pushed him away from her, he slipped and hurt his arm. He called all and sundry to tell everyone what an awful woman she is and how she is making his life miserable. I was there too. He blurted out a lot of stuff including the fact that there is a criminal case against him. And now he has the guts to deny it in public.
Which means he knows that none of us who heard it from him one will stand up to him. Is that not what it really means? Blatant aggressiveness and guts. To think that he will be allowed to go on terrorizing this woman. At least 12 of us know all the gory details. I know it is their personal life, but he is now the acting president of our society here and is going to contend for the upcoming elections. Somebody with such cheap morals should be heading the association alright! In Prison maybe!
Many a times in the recent past, I have caught myself hoping that the law in my country was a bit more reasonable when it comes to victims. Some how, it seems rather tailor-made to suit criminals and their likes. It is making me really angry. I believe I am rather fair when it comes to taking sides and choosing right over wrong. I try not be unreasonable and partial.
When we do not stand up against wrongs, is it not an endorsement to the wrong doer that he can continue doing what he feels like? Is this not the way corruption starts? Bleeding us all till the last drop? Why are we warned to stay away? “Don’t get involved is what I am told.” Why not? When what is happening is public knowledge, is it not our moral responsibility to do what is right? Should I just sit back and watch till he murders her and then maybe stage it as an accident? WHAT SHOULD I DO? My conscience is really urging me to help bring the truth out, but I cannot act unless my husband gives me the go ahead. He is (but naturally) worried for us. But should we all just stay paralyzed with fear and not do anything to help people around us? All this helplessness is making me really angry. And when I believe in something, I like to throw myself whole heartedly into it. I have been walking around with a lump in my throat, unable to express myself the way I want to.
17 comments:
Yes there r problems in life but when these problems created by our very own life-support then wht kind of defense can 1 put up.
I cant even begin to imagine wht ur friend must be going thru. And sooo...so understand ur frustration at ur inability to do anything for her.
Its life-stories like this which make me go down on my knees & thank the good Lord for all his kindness.
Bins, what about that girl's parents? Can you contact them and together seek for safety of the girl and proceed with divorce?
Reflections: Seriously, There is every need to b thankful. This dirty man is now walking around with a doctored document hinting at her having an xtra marital affair. She says that she is scarred for the next seven births and cannot imagine a marriage/relationship. Again. Though I hope she does get married again.
Solilo: Her parents are very old and are staying with her. This man is terrorising them too. The girl pays for the house, car and even the food he eats. He is so shameless and cheap. O the kind of things he does is really a stuff that will make your hair stand on its ends.
In total agreement with the frustration you feel. I see you very stressed now a days, becos of this.
I pray to God everyday, for this friend to live in peace.
What a rascal he is. Its unfortunate that we can't stand up against such things in our country; damn the law.
U go to complain and in turn are caught in the maze urself.
Is there no way her family can stand with her against him? And is he a sadist? When he doesn't want her, why can't he give her a divorce?
And seriously, my respect for the better half and belief in the Lord increases manifold each time I get to see such things happening around. I wonder what I have done to deserve so much.
The Lord show her a way out soon. U have my no. now rt? I am only a call away dear :)
This guy is the scum of the earth - but at the end of the day, only this woman can help herself as it is a family affair. I am glad she has taken the first step to leave him and the best(and safest)thing you can do for her is offer her your support.
I thank the Lord for my better half.
aww the guy is so cheap... honestly its the society's attaitude that makes the women shudder to think abt divorce... the problems she will have to face as a single women and so on... But we shouldnt put up with such guys.. good to know she is ready to divorce him.. And good lord, no one should even vote and people should ask him to step down
Umas: I hope God listens to all our prayers. And may he get the end he deserves.
Swaram: Oh, he wants her alright. He gets free sex, a house he is not paying for, a car he has not paid for, free food and a vent for his frustration (read inferiority complex). He is a sadist to the core and her family is with her on this helplessly watching. He will not leave the house. And why should she leave her house?
Shades of grey: Scum of the earth? You are complimenting him. He is worse than that!
Enigma:How much more will that lady have to put up with? I pray and hope that the good lord gives her strength to stand up to him. I am glad he got hurt the other day. I wish his arm broke.
Oh no. This is just so sad.
Is she able to document what's happening? Photos of bruises, etc. so that she can get a restraining order?
Unfortunately, she is not so vindictive. This goes to show that you should push aside emotions when it comes to abuse. She had her chances to have him arrested and did not do so.
But the first instance that she pushed and he got hurt, he scrambled to the cops and filed a case against her!
She has to act smart. But i think she has lost her chances. I was watching the movie 'Enough' yesterday and was hoping this girl had the kind of smarts that Jennifer Lopez did.
It is really sad what this lady is going through. No wonder you sounded so upset the other day. :(
I personally feel that we should stand up to such injustice. It is difficult but the world will torment people who suffer in silence. Maybe she can go to the police,file an FIR and get a restraining order or something. She will be able to stand on her feet and fight against him if she knows that there are people to support her. Even if you cannot be with her every minute, I am sure she will get some confidence in the thought that her friends will be there for her when she needs them. I feel she should speed up the divorce proceedings and get some order that will stop him coming anywhere near her.
It is extremely sad that such people still exist. I am glad that she has friends like you who can support her.
Praying to God that he will protect her.
Gosh this is awful. Just popped by your blog and this is the tragic story that caught my eye. I must confess I have no idea of the laws over there in India so I can't help on that front. I just wish I had some helpful advice. Is there any chance a group of men like your husband and some other friends and male family could approach the husband and maybe then he might agree to divorce his poor wife? So sorry to read this sad news you must be heart broken for your friend.
I totally understand your helplessness in the whole deal..Its crazy that we have to stand back and just empathize with others and not be able to do something about it. I guess you can give her enough courage to do the right thing and be there as a friend to support and help her.
Having seen a couple of such cases, I think all we can do is support until the person going through it takes it in her hands to change things. Else, later, she might resent the intervention when fighting back causes issues as well. The initiative has to come from them - all we can offer is strong shoulders and hands to help.
Bins, Learned from Nancy's blog about your FIL. My deepest condolences.
How are you doing now?
(it's ok if you choose not to publish this. stopped by to say that i am so sorry about your father-in-law, bins.)
WOW! I don't think I'm going to demean myself by calling this man any names. I'd like to say he's the worst of all creatures but you know what?...you're friend needs a good talking to. Don't get me wrong....I for one would never even think of saying she's wrong, but what the hell was she doing for so many years? I've learned from past experience that when faced with a bully who's in the mood to bully....you've got to let him have it! Yeah, it took me ages to figure that out for myself, but I did.
Your friend had the courage to break away from this bully and for that I give her cudos. But please, don't let this rule your life. Oh and if she has a son, she has to teach him to respect women...don't let him turn out like his father.
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