A little insight

I am an avid thinker. I try and make a difference in the lives of people around me. I make people laugh. My blogs might seem more on the serious side but don't let it fool you into thinking that I am a serious person. I am known more for my quick wit and ability to tickle ribs. I am also very passionate about parenting.
Anyway, as you read along, try and comment. It might just encourage me...



Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I quit

It is midnight and here I am blogging when I should be sleeping. I just had to get it off my chest. Very rarely do I ever make a decision so late into the night. But when the going gets tough, the tough get going. And then again, it is never too late to make a good decision in the right direction, right? Now what am I quitting?

I am going to quit being the nice girl. Any relationship, be it that of friendship or whatever, I make sure that I put in my 150%. Now, that, is a lot of me. Things have become so bad that people are expecting just too much out of me. I can’t give like that anymore. I feel tired at just giving, without ever getting back. Yeah, I know I should not ‘expect’ anything. But all relationships are a healthy combination of give and take, right?

I think I really go out of the way to help people and be nice to every body around me. But people are just trampling over me now. The realization came quite some time back, but I was just brushing it aside. You know, putting aside the negativity and stuff. A lot of stuff is being dumped on me and I am not able to fulfill them. And you know what? I feel guilty about it. How’s that?? I feel guilty saying no. Normally, I say it only when I really, really can’t. Otherwise I just push myself to help.

The way I look at it, we all have to start some place, right? So I start. And one thing leads to the other and before you know it, I have already done too much. And life goes on for the other person. Nobody thinks ill of them, either. But if I were to falter, I can see the disappointment. Maybe I am too hard on myself. Too critical, even.

When I ask for a favor (which is almost never), I make sure that it is absolutely ok for the other person to do it. And I always, always repay it in kind, double-fold. I am looking hard but I almost never see it being reciprocated.

Yup, feeling a little low and all that! Low enough to take some tough calls.

8 comments:

Swaram said...

Take care girl and do what u feel is right. Hugs :) Proud to be ur friend!
One thing assured though ... I won't dump things on u ;)

My Kitchen Antics said...

Hey you...can understand what you are going through. Do what your head tells you to do. Take care.

Agnes said...

Some days suck, Bins.

colours said...

I know exactly what you mean. I just had a similar discussion about something I was doing for someone and I am going all out of my way and never get any response even about what I am doing!

This person I was discussing with told me to have some consideration for myself otherwise other people will not have any consideration or respect for me and will take me for granted. So I kudos to you too to stand up for yourself.

I hope you are still cheerful about this relationship though. Sometimes it also requires a "No" from our side for them to get the relationship in perspective.

divya said...

Hey, sorry da that you are feeling so low and not in good spirits. First of all, I am sure this phase will pass and things will get better. Definitely.

About people and their behaviour - well, thats what makes them the way they are, isnt it?? There is a difference between such people and you and thats what counts. I am not saying you should bear everythings such people throw at you...no...am not saying that but please dont let go of the wonderful giving nature you have in you.

I would say, just avoid the people who hurt you. They will get the message. Also its their loss and not yours so you don't have to feel guilty as well.
Its all easy to say but very difficult when we are in that boat but I am sure you will find a good solution to this problem as well with that great spirit of yours!

M said...

This too shall pass!

Cheer up girl! :)

Anonymous said...

My dear frnd,

Life is like that !! But that doesnt mean you shld change your basic personality, atleast for frnds like me. Hehehe !!!

Getting back to serious stuff, yeah, even I've been through some relationships like that. The lesson is, I'll do what I can and leave it at that. No expectations, not even a phone call. Its very difficult to practise this initially, but later you learn to be selfish, atleast where your emotions are concerned. Then its relatively easy to handle the relationship.

As colours pointed out, saying a polite and firm NO, makes a huge difference.

You cant be changing yourself for this whole world's demands. Be yourself, my dear, You Rock !!!

Gayatri Shenoy said...

Life is full of ups and downs. But there is always a better tomorrow. I do not know you personally. But I really liked ur blog. And it would be great if you continue blogging. Just hang in there.
Better days are near...