Oh no! A summer wedding!

I have a unique problem to deal with. There is this wedding that I am trying to weasel out of. No, I have nothing against weddings per se and the girl who is getting married is a dear. It is just the summer that gets to me. I am just NOT a summer person. Unfortunately, I don’t live in a society that is kind to minimal wear. I can get away with Capri’s n tees n stuff but not shorts n tank tops. Well, I feel like wearing those. But I am unique, like everybody else, and do not want to be stared at. So all I can do is just think about it.

Now getting back to this wedding in question, it is going to be in pitch summer and in a place that is already reached half boiling point. Well okay, fine. I should, at least, have the option of wearing classy cotton saris or Salwars. But no way , I have to be wearing silks and looking happy about it. I am not fond of dressing up to please all and sundry around me. Being comfortable is of prime importance to me. I won’t dress in harem pants, even if it is all the rage.

I am already scowling around thinking about it. It is going to be real hot and messy. Nothing looks right to me if I have to dress up in saris and jewelry in blistering heat. The other day, I ended up with rashes all over my neck and hands (jewelry rash) just because of the heat. without venturing into the sun, mind you. So, knowing how I have handled summers before, I am going to be bitchy, nasty and definitely not good company. That is not the personality I want to parade at a wedding. And before you ask me to mask my displeasure, just remember one thing: I AM NOT VERY GOOD AT IT!

After a while of sweating in the silks, the blouse refuses to come off. And apparently weddings are an opportunity to show off all your wares. So you should wear as much jewelry as is possible and also change at least 3 saris for each function (Excuse me, but is it MY wedding?). Silk saris, mind you. And you have to strip and change in five minutes flat. And you could be surrounded by at least 50 other ladies doing the same thing in a despicably small room.

Yes, there are times that I am consumed with guilt at thinking about missing wedding in the family and all. Yeah, yeah these things happen only once in a while, I know that too. But the whole idea of being in strange place with no clue as to the quality of facilities available, is really putting me off. I do not want to spend the rest of the summer with a rash or illness that I have contracted there. I have no qualms about the fact that I am particular about basic cleanliness (Call me a freak if you want to!) But dirty bedding, filthy bathrooms etc make my skin crawl. Urggghhhhhhhhhh!

Besides, some of the wedding guests are traveling from countries, which have been reported to have cases of swine flu. (See, I am really looking hard for excuses for giving this wedding a miss.)

Talking of Swine flu, I read this really interesting thought the other day: They said that if a black president were to be elected in the US, pigs will fly. And now we have the Swine flu!! Ha! Ha!

What Should I do? Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Please think up unique excuses that I can present use without hurting anybody’s feelings. Please note, that I will be offering my husband for one week, to help out and be there. (Before you go ahead and think what a horrible woman I am, let me tell you that the girl getting married, is my husband’s cousin). So it is not like nobody is representing the family at the wedding. Also, I have attended dozens of functions held by my husband’s side of the family, without my husband. So, I think I deserve a break!

(P.S: Divya, you better not squeak! You can offer excuses though! Just remember that I traveled 12 hours and attended your wedding with a 3-month old Neha. I could not afford to miss it and besides it was in Hyderabad. :D)