Last Sunday at a family gathering, I met my husband’s cousin’s wife (Renuka) who works at a school in Hitech city. She lived in the US prior to this for about 7-8 years and also taught part-time in schools there. At the function, we saw a girl aged about 10 wearing a halter-neck top. My trained eyes told me that she was either uncomfortable or wearing it for the first time. (B’cos she was tugging at it).
Renuka asked me what I thought the appropriate age to wear such an outfit was. My response was: Firstly this is the wrong occasion for it. Maybe a party at their home with friends would probably be the right setting. Secondly maybe age 3 – 7 maybe would be appropriate if worn in a family gathering. Don’t get me wrong. I am very modern in my thinking and dressing too. But I stop to think about what we are exposing our children to when we attire them in short and midriff exposing outfits especially as they are maturing.
Renuka shared another incident which got my hair to stand on its ends. One of the school buses of her school apparently stopped at some location everyday while taking kids back from school whilst the driver and conductor, got off and urinated in full view of the kids. Can u imagine?
It is very important for us to maintain dialogue with our kids and encourage them to share without being judgmental. On a DAILY basis. So that, we do not miss out on anything, that goes on in their life when they are out of our sight. It is difficult and inappropriate to stick by their side all through out the day. There are so many wierdos out there. More often than not, it is a kind looking uncle who we think means no harm. And these days, it is not just the girls who are victims but boys too.
Last summer when our pool opened, we had fun splashing around with our kids. I then began to notice this certain gentleman who seemed to keep gravitating towards young kids. Preference seemed to be girls, if they resisted he would head to the boys. He took it upon himself to teach the kids to swim when he was only walking in the pool himself. He seemed not interested in talking to the kids’ parents’. A victim of sexual abuse, my sixth sense told me that something was not right about this gentleman. I observed him for many days. My gut instincts are never wrong about these things. Then I began to share with my friends in the pool and also observe him. I asked them not to be hasty but just to advise their kids to seek their help if they were having trouble swimming. A couple of days later, the man stopped visiting the pool. I presume he must have been told off or got the hint that we were in on him.
I urge all parents to open a dialogue with their kids about right touch and wrong touch and other forms of abuse at the earliest so that our kids are armed with knowledge. These days the main offenders seem to be teachers and principals etc. How can we help in such scenarios. And believe me, it can be a very scary experience, bcos more often than not the offenders threaten with dire consequences. Try and get into a child’s mind to find out what it must feel like. Do not let it be too late. It scars the mind.
Renuka asked me what I thought the appropriate age to wear such an outfit was. My response was: Firstly this is the wrong occasion for it. Maybe a party at their home with friends would probably be the right setting. Secondly maybe age 3 – 7 maybe would be appropriate if worn in a family gathering. Don’t get me wrong. I am very modern in my thinking and dressing too. But I stop to think about what we are exposing our children to when we attire them in short and midriff exposing outfits especially as they are maturing.
Renuka shared another incident which got my hair to stand on its ends. One of the school buses of her school apparently stopped at some location everyday while taking kids back from school whilst the driver and conductor, got off and urinated in full view of the kids. Can u imagine?
It is very important for us to maintain dialogue with our kids and encourage them to share without being judgmental. On a DAILY basis. So that, we do not miss out on anything, that goes on in their life when they are out of our sight. It is difficult and inappropriate to stick by their side all through out the day. There are so many wierdos out there. More often than not, it is a kind looking uncle who we think means no harm. And these days, it is not just the girls who are victims but boys too.
Last summer when our pool opened, we had fun splashing around with our kids. I then began to notice this certain gentleman who seemed to keep gravitating towards young kids. Preference seemed to be girls, if they resisted he would head to the boys. He took it upon himself to teach the kids to swim when he was only walking in the pool himself. He seemed not interested in talking to the kids’ parents’. A victim of sexual abuse, my sixth sense told me that something was not right about this gentleman. I observed him for many days. My gut instincts are never wrong about these things. Then I began to share with my friends in the pool and also observe him. I asked them not to be hasty but just to advise their kids to seek their help if they were having trouble swimming. A couple of days later, the man stopped visiting the pool. I presume he must have been told off or got the hint that we were in on him.
I urge all parents to open a dialogue with their kids about right touch and wrong touch and other forms of abuse at the earliest so that our kids are armed with knowledge. These days the main offenders seem to be teachers and principals etc. How can we help in such scenarios. And believe me, it can be a very scary experience, bcos more often than not the offenders threaten with dire consequences. Try and get into a child’s mind to find out what it must feel like. Do not let it be too late. It scars the mind.
4 comments:
gosh bindu, what a post? makes one examine their innermost fears.
yes we must monitor how our kids dress in public. atleast tht way v can control 1/2 the problem.
but wht do we do about the demon which is present in half the male population? v cant b with our kids all the time.
and how do u explain to 6 & 4 yr olds abt good touch & bad touch? i have sort of skated thru the subject with the eldest, trying not 2 worry her but warning her just the same.
and finally i just PRAY and PRAY and PRAY to GOD to protect my children fr every harm.
If I were you I'd have got into the pool and smashed the sick bastard's head.
I've spoken to my kids about all of this.(without scaring them or going into too much detail)
You can NEVER be too careful--and its always better to err on the side of caution.
As regards th previous post--God I cannot even begin to tell you how MUCH of a personal significance that book has for me--because of an incident that happned--Maybe some day I'll be strong enough to blog about it.
Hey--thanks for stopping by!
Actually Nancy, obviously there are ways: Like I tell Neha, there are some places where only mamma and pappa can touch and that too while we bathe you etc. There is no need to allow ANYBODY else to touch u there. And no matter what, u can always come and tell mamma and pappa everything. EVERYTHING. In the beginning, you will find themselves coming upto you when somebody accidentally brushes past them etc. Just to gauge your reaction etc. Give it the seriousness it requires and do take the truoble to check it out and assure her if all is Ok. I am sure there must be lot of other ways. If I come across anything, I will let u know.
yeah, its very important that our children are taught the good and bad touch as early as possible - its a bad bad world out there.
and i feel its very important to have a great rapport with our kids so that they dont hide things from us.
i was greatly honored recently by my daughter who wrote a letter TO MY BEST FRIEND, MY MOM. i was in tears when i finished reading it. i felt happy that even though i might've done mistakes as a learning parent, i've also done a wonderful job of being my daughter's friend.
I THANK GOD for all these and PRAY GOD for more strength to handle greater issues as my daughters grow up.
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