After sitting at home for about 4 years now, I am yearning to get back to office. There is a bit of me that hurts thinking about my daughter and what my being away from home will do to her (I had a working mom). I do not even have a plan in place for her care. But in the meantime, I am busy searching for jobs anyway. After a few weeks of searching on the internet & coming to no conclusion, I think I have come to a conclusion.
I have about 10 years of work experience & believe me, I enjoyed a lot of importance at the work place. I have a feeling that I am trying subconsciously to resurrect that part of my life. I just want companies to WANT to employ me. Every time, I get on the net, I kind of expect that maybe there is this perfect job out there, that is just screaming out my name.
There is this big part of me that fears if I am capable of delivering anything at all. What if I fail? I am hoping that in some crazy way, they can go back into my past & see how it was & just have immense faith that I too can do it. I fear that I will fail if I am put to test. I want to be that same person I was, about 4 years back. So resourceful. So full of life. There was a lot of hustle & bustle around me.
I am in a new place. So there is no way that I know anybody who has their own office that I can be part of for a while. U know, like a launch pad. To do greater & better things. Something, just for me, to reassure myself that I am capable.
I have known people who are just magically lucky in this aspect. I hate my luck. I have this amazing knack of coming up against a stone wall. I must have mentioned this earlier too.
I have about 10 years of work experience & believe me, I enjoyed a lot of importance at the work place. I have a feeling that I am trying subconsciously to resurrect that part of my life. I just want companies to WANT to employ me. Every time, I get on the net, I kind of expect that maybe there is this perfect job out there, that is just screaming out my name.
There is this big part of me that fears if I am capable of delivering anything at all. What if I fail? I am hoping that in some crazy way, they can go back into my past & see how it was & just have immense faith that I too can do it. I fear that I will fail if I am put to test. I want to be that same person I was, about 4 years back. So resourceful. So full of life. There was a lot of hustle & bustle around me.
I am in a new place. So there is no way that I know anybody who has their own office that I can be part of for a while. U know, like a launch pad. To do greater & better things. Something, just for me, to reassure myself that I am capable.
I have known people who are just magically lucky in this aspect. I hate my luck. I have this amazing knack of coming up against a stone wall. I must have mentioned this earlier too.
1 comment:
i really feel for u coz i went thru the same. just keep trying. but somewhere i feel u r not ready to trust anybody else with Neha & that is real reason you are not getting that 'perfect' job.
dont worry da, ellathinum oru samayam onde. when the time is right things will automatically go ur way. in the meantime, cultivating patience is a virtue...:-P.
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