Weekends

There are so many post in draft stages. The thought flow broke with a few distractions and I never seemed to able to get back.

The weekends go by in a blur! My husband leaves no opportunity to rub it in my face as to how much I am missing out on in life. He woke up at 6 am and went to play football. Got back at around 9:15 only to have tea, read newspaper, bathe, and have breakfast. He headed out at ten to play badminton. As he reached the lift, he told me not to expect him back before 5 pm. Now is he lucky or what!!! I wanna go out and toss a ball, play badminton, go for a trek with my friends. Boo Hooo!! Where is all the fun in my life??

Neha keeps tossing some funny stuff my way. The other day this happened:

I was busy pottering around the house, vaguely aware that Neha is mumbling something. Did not pay too much attention really. Then she asks me, "Mamma, are we Indians?"

Me: "Yes, Dear. Of course we are." (wondering what this is gonna lead to)

Neha: "Then you are my sister?" (Shock and perplex written all across her face)

Me: (Equally puzzled) "Come on. You know I am your mother."

Neha: "But the Pledge** says that - All Indians are my brothers and sisters."

Then I did what my motherly instincts indicated that I do in such a situation. I rolled on the floor and laughed!!

That kid of mine really throws these googlies at me every once in a while.

** The Indian Pledge. She says the pledge during school assembly.

Have a nice day!!

I Know What I Did This Summer!

Neha and her friends at an Egyptian Resort

Woo hoo!!! Yet another long break!!! What prompted it on? Well, first it was the fact that I had not zeroed in on a school for my daughter. A lot of schools were done with their admission procedures. The school that I was aiming for were to start their admission process only in June and by then a lot of schools had already started their new session. Something just snapped in my head. I went totally bonkers. I could not believe that after carefully thinking this whole thing through, I had found myself in this situation. One of the popular schools around here started making me make a lot of trips there. I guess the guy was just waiting for me to get desperate enough and then he would have asked for money.

Then totally out of the blue this acquaintance calls me up for something and then casually mentions that she was struggling for her sons admissions. There was this new school that she was looking at, and wanted to just try checking with another school. I thwacked my head first (stupid that I was, because I had seen their pamphlet and not called them) and then called up that new school. Then before we knew it, we were happy with our choice and enrolled Neha right away!

Now that the school thing was out of the way, I thought that it was about time that I had Neha’s sleep patterns altered. She would refuse to sleep early and then get up just half hour before her school bus came. I was at my wits end. I told myself that I have just two months to do something about it, and the new academic year would mean longer hours. If she carried on the way she did, there would not be any time to eat breakfast. So, it was ass kicking time.

There were just too many things I had to get in order. All I knew was that : Neha had to sleep in her own bed, she had to sleep early, she had to get up early. Now came the execution of the near impossible. Those who personally know my daughter would understand my plight. She puts up a lot of resistance to discipline! So, I roped in my friends. I convinced them that they had to kick in an exercise regime for themselves. I then told them that this would be a nice way to get the kids up and about earlier. So I told them that I would take all the kids to the pool at 6 am, while they could walk. The pool was oh-so-empty at that time of the day and I would man these 4-6 kids in the pool. Then the rest was pretty easy. We were all charged for the day. We girls would all make breakfast, get even lunch out of the way (the husbands carry lunch to work), and the house would be all sorted out too. I had the other uphill task of cutting down Neha’s TV time. Vacations meant that she was spending a crazy amount of time in front of the idiot box. I would then coax Neha into playing or catching up on reading skills, etc. It being summer vacation and all, the kids deserved a few outings too.

In the middle of all this hullabaloo, the internet gave up. I was too pissed to call the phone guys up. It then dragged on for a bit. Then I once again had to change the wiring and stuff. I wanted wireless connectivity and there was a bit of trouble there too. I tell you, they have been testing my patience. The next time round, you can be sure that I will change the service provider.

So, my friends, it has been an eventful summer for me. What have you guys been up to?

My lil' girl!

Yes, I did take another long break, didn’t I? It started with me being upset over something, then I took a break and visited Vizag. Travelling to me is hard work. I am not a travel person anymore. All journeys seem tiresome. But I definitely have learned to pack better.

One good thing is that now I know that it is easier to travel with my daughter. She was an absolute darling on this trip. There are some things that Neha accepts very easily. For a 6 year old she is rather mature in her understanding of relationships and the unchangeable aspects of life and death. Her family bonds are very strong and though she will not easily warm up to neighbors or family friends that easily, once I tell her that someone is related to us, she lets her guard down and mingles with them like she’s known them for years.

On the over night train journey back from Vizag, she was at her ultimate best. We had a whale of a time. She would hail all the hawkers who walked through the train. They would look at me thinking I would buy their stuff and I would say ‘no’. There was this elderly couple who thoroughly enjoyed her antics.

Suddenly she asks me, “Mamma, How old was Thatha (Paternal grandfather)?

Me: 67

Neha: Ok. So when we are 67, we will die?

Me: (Knowing where all this is heading) Maybe.

Neha: Ok. So first Pappa will die, then you, then me, right?

Me: (not wanting to elaborate too much) Kind of. We can’t really say.

Now I am really not prepared for what follows. :D

Neha : Ok. Ok. So do one thing, mamma. You give me the keys.

Me: KEYS?? What Keys?

Neha: You know, keys to the house and bike. Also, teach me how to ride the bike, so that I can manage easily.

Me: (impressed as hell) You don’t want the car keys?

Neha: That I will learn eventually. First teach me how to ride the bike!


Neha was exposed to the harsh reality of death when my F-I-L passed away last May. I explained to her just as much as a 5 year old would need to know. I expected nightmares and stuff because we had the body at home for 3 full days, but Neha did not probe too much. Neither did she wake up in cold sweat. She accepted death as an eventuality. She did ask me how she would manage, if I were to die and told me that she did not want me to die. But other than that, there were no real concerns.

Her sense of humor is getting sharper by the day. After waking up, we normally spend a few minutes in bed, cuddling. Yesterday morning, she tell me that, “My name is Neha and I really have to go to the toilet.” Like the line in the movie My Name is Khan, “My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist.” I laughed so hard, I had tears.

By the way, did you all watch that movie? I thought it was exceptional!

It ain't funny!

Though many people tell me that I have immense patience, personally I feel that I have the patience of an active volcano. I am the telling-what’s-on-my-mind-and-getting-on-with-it-types. My husband is the bury-it-all-in-the-crevices-of-the-mind-and-screw-up-your-own-health kinds. The Capricorn that I am and the Taurus that my daughter is, we have this highly explosive relationship. One minute we are practically tearing each other up and the next we are cuddling and having a whale of a time. My husband is thoroughly confused. In the beginning he would step in and try and call the shots. But then one glare from the both of us and he would have no choice but to back off. The whole sight is so funny.

I am the planning and strategy kind of person and my daughter is the strategy killer. I mean she will take all my hours of planning and shove it down the drain, without as much as a thought. And then I am left at the drawing board once again. The other day, she got this question paper that she was to solve at home. It was the regular stuff that has been covered in school so many times. So when she asked me a question, I told her that by now she must be so used to this and that she should figure it out. Then as I went on with my work, there was silence. I thought that she was busy tackling the paper. Now I must at this stage tell you that my daughter likes to think that she is agile and smart. (She actually is!) But I am her sharp mamma with super sharp sense of sight, hearing etc. I heard the sound of the chair moving ever so lightly and then Neha whizzing from the table to the place where her bag was kept. It took me another nano-second to figure out what was going on. She was quickly taking a sneak-peak at her book and dashing to the table to write the answers!!! Cheeky little monster!! Look at that kid! She is always looking at ways to outsmart me. And I am soooo freaked out. Now I can see nothing as ordinary. Remember Mr. Wilson in Dennis the Menace? :D

Yesterday, my neighbour and I was discussing about how to get rid of this rat that we sighted near our plants. Neha immediately told us that we should not kill rats. We had the Why look. “We should not kill rats. Rats are also hooman beings like us!” I explained to her later what we found so funny but not before we were practically on the floor laughing.

Whenever I want to drive home a point, like say talking to strangers etc., it does not register in Neha’s mind. She had this don’t-give-me-that-bull shit look. So I started this trend of telling stories about some character ( 100% non-existent) from my childhood who suffered because of not following the rules. I thought that it drove home the point better. One day I was telling her one such made-up story when she asked me, “Mamma, are any of your friends alive?? Everybody from your childhood seems to have died of something or the other.” And in fact the other day, it was my husband’s story telling time and I heard Neha tell him, “ Pappa, do you know that when mamma was a little girl, weird things happened to all her friends! Do you know any such stories?”

My younger brother, who Neha has minimal contact with, seems to be the sufferer in most stories related to handling sharp objects like scissors, kitchen knives etc. So just when she picked up a hammer the other day, I said, “Neha, put that down right away. You can get hurt real bad.” Her response left me wonder-eyed whether I should bother with such tactics any more. “What mamma? Did your brother get hurt with this too?”

Don’t laugh, you guys!! Life is cruel!

Lock n Key

When we were getting this house done up, the carpenter asked what kind of locks we wanted on the cupboards in the bedrooms. I thought, ‘Why do we need locks on all the cupboards?’ This is our home, not some fortress. And then again, what do we have that needs to be kept under lock n key. “No. We have nothing to hide!”, I said And told him to forget locks on all cupboards and got him to fix locks only in our walk-in wardrobe area. Just in case we did want to keep something under lock n key. I was not being cheap here. I just thought there is no need to have a lock on a cupboard that is just going to house clothes. Stupid, stupid me!!!!

I did the same thing with the kitchen. Earlier the kitchen was a separate area with a door. But we thought it would be nice to have an open kitchen. So we broke the wall and removed the door. You cannot imagine how many times I have kicked myself for it.

What am I getting at here? That little imp called Neha is normally up to no good. Even in my sleep, I am conscious. Nothing, I tell you, nothing, escapes her eye.

I even have to guard silly things like band aids and ear buds. The other day Neha had this tiny hurt. It really wasn’t visible to the naked eye. I just pooh poohed it off. She turned for sympathy towards her father, who promptly had to show some sympathy. Neha insisted on a band aid and off they both went to get it. I heard this whole conversation and I realised with horror, what was about to happen. I screamed and ran. But before I could stop the man, they had accessed the one place Neha never knew about, and got the band aid. My husband looked at me like I lost my marbles. And Neha had a wicked grin. When I cut my finger yesterday, I had to borrow a band aid from my neighbor.

As Neha is growing up, I am realising the need for such hiding places. Now where am I supposed to hide band aids? My make-up stuff which comprises of one lip stick, one lip liner, one compact and one eye liner is constantly the target. I guard it with my life. I used to have several shades and hues, but I have given up. Well, I used to have one nail polish too. But I had to throw it out after repeated warnings, on not using it on her nails.

So also with the kitchen. She drives me crazy (and believe me when I tell you, crazy is a mild word) when I am cooking. How I miss that door to the kitchen! I can’t store any goodies at home. She will get to work the moment she senses an opportunity.

I keep an ear out, even when I am in the loo. You can’t imagine how sharp my ears are. I know exactly in what room she is and I would be shouting warnings from the loo. And to compliment my ears, she is quick and light on her feet. We have this cat and mouse game on the whole day! When I hit the sack, there is tremendous relief that the day has gone by and then the impending fear of what tomorrow will bring with it!

Neha and her cousin, Niharika.

Funny incidents

The other day, I took Neha over to a friend’s house. In the main hall, there was this big treasure chest, a décor item. I was busy chatting away with my friend and Neha struck up a conversation with my friend’s 13 year old daughter, Nitya. Normally when Neha is in the same room as me, I am a lot calmer. You can see the tension in me when the radar cannot spot her. I can hardly have a sane conversation.

Anyways, the older girl was practically in splits over something Neha was saying. Now that Neha is vocal about everything, there is the added fear of family secrets tumbling out!!! :D Then Nitya tells us that Neha was telling her that if she opens the box (the treasure chest) there might be gold and precious stones in it. And that Nitya and her family will become super rich and when people from far and wide come to see the box, they will have $$ signs in place of eye balls!!!

It was all we needed to roll around and laugh. All the cartoons Neha watch are taking effect, these days. I do keep tabs but the other day she switched over to another channel, where a guy was making a missile out of his snort. He just kept blowing his nose till he had a sizeable amount, which he then rolled up and threw at somebody!! Yuck! How gross! Now I definitely don’t want her trying that out or even better inciting somebody to do it. Oh, Neha is famous for encouraging her friends to do weird stuff! :D

My friend told me how when Nitya was about Neha’s age and she clobbered her on the head with some toy of hers. You can imagine how it would feel if you are clobbered, unsuspectingly. Well, my friend was not amused either. When she asked Nitya why she did it, she said she saw that in a cartoon and she wanted to see stars and birds on top of her mom’s head when she got clobbered! :D

And another time, she saw Nitya sneaking around with something. When she tiptoed around to see what it was, she was sneaking eggs into her room. When my friend asked her what she was up to, she said that she was going to sit on them to get them to hatch!!! :D

We had such a hearty laugh over these kids. When some of these annoying things happen, it really is not funny. In fact, it is the opposite of funny. But later as you look back, you cannot help but laugh.

Neha has lots of hairclips in all shapes and sizes. One of her favourite past time about 2 years back, was to get a lot of these clips, get a comb and get to work on our hair. My husband used to be wary of just sitting around on weekends. Many a time people have walked into the house to find a very funny looking man. He would just throw his hands up in the air and everybody would understand. With my longer hair, it would be a nightmare to get the hair clips off.

One day, Neha came and sat behind me as I watched TV. And she began pressing these clips into the hair. Or so I thought. After about 20 odd clicks and maybe what really got me thinking was that the program I was watching was interrupted by ads. I was saying, “ Neha, enough already!” But she did not stop. Then I thought - Hey, how is she managing to pick up a clip and click it on my hair so fast and how many clips did she really get? And I turned back to find out the truth. She got the gas lighter, was placing it on my head and clicking it as I would on the gas stove!!!! I practically jumped and had the fright of my life!!! Neha was really amused. I made a mental note to keep gas lighter further away from reach.

Do any of you have any such funny incidents to share??

The Competitive Spirit

My daughter had her first State Level Taekwondo tournament yesterday. She was one of the 12 students selected from a batch of 40. She was to report at 8:30 am. I woke up in the morning, feeling not so sure that I wanted her to do this. I went across to tell her trainer that she might be opting out. When I saw that a few of them were as young as her, I changed my mind, quickly paid up, got home, and got to the venue. I decided to hang around just in case she wanted to use the toilet etc. When I got there I realised that many of the kids from the complex were unaccompanied by their parents. I mean, what the hell could be more important than your kid. For crying out loud, it was a Sunday!!!!!!!!!!

Some of them turned a few hours later with hurriedly applied make up, as though somebody was shooting a movie on them. I think the worst thing that can happen to a kid is to feel unappreciated and unmotivated. There was no one to cheer the kids. Can you believe that I had to do it alone? I was on the cheering squad, then I am running around to give the kids a sip of water, then uplift their spirits by telling them that they are doing well. The opposition came out in large numbers and there was so much cheering for them. I really felt awful. I could see their spirits waning. I mean they were being kicked around badly. I had to hit the guy in front of me couple of times, almost yelling at him to cheer for the kids! I don’t think he will stand near me again. So what if the kid is not yours, can you not cheer for them?? Yeah, so what if his parents are at home busy stuffing their faces with dosa or whatever!

My daughter went on. She was faced with a total stranger. A bigger kid at that. She started off on a good note. But got kicked around, fell down and of all the things, began to cry!!! Poor thing! She refused to carry on. I told her that it was part of the deal and that she should have fought back. She thought she was going to be beaten up. Basically, she was not prepared. What demoralized her was that so much cheering was happening for the opponent, that she thought she already lost. I plan on doing something about that next time.

There was this other girl. I was not too sure what her parents were prepared for when the signed her up for taekwondo class. She is interested more in dance and is rather shy. You know the type. She was called for her round. Her opponent started kicking and this girl did nothing. The mother of the girl started protesting, “How can they do this?” Me being me, I held her back and told her, “You did not sign her up for ballet. This is how it is.” I could see from her expression that it did not go down well with her! Oooops!

Anyways, I am miffed with parents who cannot even come and encourage the kids when they appear for competitions. What kind of people are these? I end up at these events not just having my kid to take care of, but many others kids’ too. It is not fair on the kids. When they are appearing for sports like these, where minor injuries might occur, Parents should be around. If not for anything, it might just motivate the child to do better. It must have felt scary to them being in a strange place with so many new people. To make it all worse, the challenge of a competitions and opponents that looked like they were thirsty for blood! They really did look well prepared and came in a platoon!

So now, I am prepared to don the mantle of motivating the kids of the Taekwondo class, including my little girl, on how to face an opponent. Of course, I am going to do it in conjunction with the Master. Wish me luck. The kids of my complex will go better prepared next time. The next time round, they will be the once thirsty for blood!

Psssstttt…… I think my daughter got a silver medal!

Uno??? Oh! Nooooooooooooooo!

Where are those crazy people who constantly played Uno with my daughter? Just you come in front of me and I guarantee you a black eye! Come back, I say. All of you have gotten her addicted and went far, far away to your homes, that are far far away. Ok! I made the first mistake by actually buying those cards, but never in my wildest nightmare did I think that it will be so addictive. Neha has taken to it, like a fish to water. She is so competitive when playing it and she even knows how to cheat. You crazy people, did u cheat her, I mean, teach her that too? On any given day, I have to play at least, note the words ‘at least’, 20 rounds of Uno. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore! Somebody get me outta here!

Neha is so devious with Uno. There are times that she would have shuffled the cards and placed it such a way that she stands to get all the ‘wild’ cards. Can you beat that? A piddly 5 year old. At other times, she would have stashed a few wild cards under her legs and pulls it out when I am not watching. How about that? There are so many other tricks that she pulls off with so much ease, it just stumps me, every time. All that’s missing is a cigar! I am seriously considering paying a few people to come and play with her throughout the day. Any takers?

Just now, she came around asking to play Uno and I did the sensible thing. I ran! Too bad I don’t have much furniture around that I could use as obstacles. She caught me but I wiggled away saying that I am allergic to it. I wonder how long that will work.

Come and play with me Uno or else!

Recently I got in touch with a lot of my friends, courtesy Facebook. School buddies who I had lost contact with. It was not too long ago now, was it? In my mind, I have frozen it at ten years. Did I hear someone snigger? 19 years back, you say?? I don’t know about you, but not on my calculator it isn’t! And 10 it stays at! So here we are tuning into each others lives. Then we ask about the kids. They say their piece. I say mine. When I tell them about Neha’s antics, hoping I would get some sympathy, do you know what I get? Every single person has had the same reaction: Like mother, like daughter! So much for sympathy. The apple, they say, doesn’t fall far from the tree! :D

I will leave you with some gems from Neha:

Some days back, Neha was bugging me about doing something for her when I was cooking, and had something on all four burners of my gas stove.

Me: Neha, God has given me only two hands and two legs.
Neha: And one head, two eyes, one nose………

How could you keep a straight face after that???

************
Very rarely, do I decide to leave Neha with somebody. Mostly because I worry. Not about Neha, about the babysitter’s sanity. One such occasion I had to rely on my friend Uma to take care of her for an hour.

I got back to a very amused Uma. Neha told Uma that she wanted to listen to an English song. So she played a few. Nope, none of them, Neha said. Then Uma got her two girls to search too. For about 20mins, they played Britney Spears, Bon Jovi even Michael Jackson. None of them either, Neha said.

Uma: But which song is it? I don’t have any more. Can you tell how the song is?

Neha(frustrated): Uma aunty, don’t you have: “Pappu can’t dance, saala?”***

They were rolling around laughing till I came.

*** This is actually a Hindi song, that starts with English words.

************

Some talk came up recently about the Mumbai terrorist attack that occurred back in November 2008. Neha asked me about it and I gave her a brief insight into it. Of course, she was very upset.

Me: Please God, take care of Mumbai, take care of our loved ones there. Please make the bad people go away.

Neha: Yes God, please take care of everyone. God, please make the bad people good so that they will not shoot and hurt others.

Now, that is a sincere prayer that can only come from an innocent heart. I was so touched and ashamed that I could not pray like that.


********************

I can’t get over this gem from yesterday:

Neha had her GK exam yesterday. Since I had not bothered about the last four days of ‘Exams’, I thought it was about time I showed some interest in my daughters pursuit of education. Some heavy topics stared at me and along with that the sinking feeling that I am a really sick mother to push my kid out into the world and not even help her through. So I thought I will first assess her knowledge.

Me: Neha, what are the senses in your body?

Neha: Puzzled look (which by the way made me feel like scum)

Me: (Proceeding to prompt her a bit) You know, like with our eyes we see….

Neha; Oh that! Ok. With our eyes, we see. With our nose, we smell. With our tongue, we taste. With our ears, we hear. With our hands we, we touch. With our legs, we kick.

That was it. I was on the floor laughing uncontrollably (another sign of the pathetic excuse for a mom that I am). So much for those Taekwondo classes! Way to go, girl!!!

Rapid Fire Questions!

Thank you Nancy for Tagging me. I asked these questions to my 5-year old and she quickly delivered these answers without even thinking, as though I was going to give her some huge gift for answering quickly. So most responses are just off the top of her head. Every time she would quickly answer, she would have that look on the face that would say: How smart am I, huh!

I am back after a long break and hope to blog more. I will also try and make sure that I read all the posts that I missed out on. Here goes the tag in the meanwhile:

Me : What is something I always say to you?
Neha : Not to do potty in chaddi (underwear)

Me : What makes me happy?
Neha : Not doing potty in chaddi

Me : What makes me sad?
Neha : Doing potty in chaddi**

(** We have been battling with this issue for a couple of months now. Typical case of not wanting to get away from the activity at hand. If anybody knows any sure-to-work trick to tackle this issue, you are welcome to suggest. Please remember that I have tried all the obvious methods including the pediatrician's advice. )

Me : How do I make you laugh?
Neha : Doing circus with me

(We are thinking about starting a mother-daughter circus team. She is fearless and I try not be scared)

Me : What do you think I was like as a child?
Neha : Good girl
How well she knows me!

Me : How old am I?
Neha : 43

God alone knows why she arrived at that figure. I am a LOT younger than that. God help the day I hit 40. I will probably react like Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Me : How tall am I?
Neha : This much. Gesturing about a foot with her hand.

Me : What is my favorite thing to do?
Neha : Painting.
I haven’t painted in years.

Me : What do I do when you’re not around?
Neha : Kitchen work and computer
The three hours that she is away is very less to accomplish anything else.

Me : If I become famous, what will it be for?
She did not understand this question

Me : What am I really good at?
Neha : Drawing and taking photos.

Me : What am I not really good at?
Neha : Reacting to potty in chaddi

Me : What is my job?
Neha : To do kitchen work
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Me : What is my favourite food?
Neha : Chicken biriyani

Me : What makes you proud of me?
Neha : Swimming

??!??

Me : What makes me proud of you?
Neha: When I do potty in the toilet

Me : What do you and I do together?
Neha : Playing. Hugging each other

Me : How are we the same?
Neha : Because u gave birth to me

Me : How are you and I different?
Neha : If I were not born in your tummy :-)

Me : What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
Neha : We should be able to swim together every time.

Though I was not tagged to put up a photograph, I thought I will add this anyway. Neha is the happiest when she is around water. You can see the unmistakable joy on her face on one of our recent beach trips.

'Tag'ging Motherhood

I think Reflections was testing me this one last time to see if I take up this tag, before completely giving up on me. I just had to give in, but it was an interesting tag too. So here goes my favorite takes on motherhood:

1. Growing up, I understood that every gift that God gives us or any thing else that happens to us, has a very profound place in our life. I no longer wonder why all my senses are so acutely sharp. My five-year- old validates it and tests it on a daily basis.
2. Now whenever I want to go out, after having a tiring day at home, all I need to do is tell my daughter. She makes sure that her father drops everything and takes us out.
3. Now that I have stopped growing vertically, I feel guilt at piling on the pounds. When I see some sinful gastronomic delight calling out to me, I order it for my daughter. I sit across the table and will for her to leave a bite for me. She shares gracefully and all that, but I just shake my head and tell her to go ahead and enjoy herself. Then after she’s done, I get to the business of finishing up all the while telling her that we should not waste food!
4. When my daughter asks me a question and I answer it, she exclaims: “Mamma, how do you know everything?” I levitate just a bit off the floor. I wish everybody thought that way about me. So what if she is just five. She is smart enough to figure out who is the smartest of us all! And the best part is when my husband contradicts what I say. My daughter will immediately say: “ Pappa, what mamma says is right. She knows everything. She says all the right stuff.”I look at my husband with the air of brilliance and he has no go but to shut up and accept his fate!
5. The most super thing about motherhood is that I now have a constant reminder to be the better person, the bigger person in all my interactions. I may lash out (there are times that I just want to kick ass, PMS maybe) when my daughter is not around, but in her presence, I have to show the right (maybe not willingly right) attitude. Yes, I do slip(human, after all). But I tell her later that I did the wrong thing and tell her what would have been the right thing to do.

Being a mom is the best thing ever. When I look into my daughter’s face, I see love. The immense joy she brings to my life is amazing! And then not to forget the many women who think that having a girl-child is a curse. A friend of mine has been blogging about the crazy life she leads because her mother-in-law leaves no stone unturned to make her and her daughters feel like crap. If I did not know this blogger personally, there was no way I would believe it. To me, she is as honest and nice as they come. You can read it here : www.themilchronicles.blogspot.com

I tag: Purple pain, Wannabe writer and Solilo

"What is the time, Mamma?"

My daughter’s latest obsession is time. Anything to do with time, dates, days of the week, months, years, the whole deal.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that she asks me the question “what is the time, mamma?” every 5 minutes. Either she has forgotten that she has already asked me or that it feels to her that a lot of time has passed since she last asked. My bet is on the latter assumption.

She wakes up this morning and tells me, “Oh mamma, it is afternoon. Why did you not wake me up in the morning?”

Me: No sweetheart. It is still morning.

Neha: what time is it?

Me: 10 o’ clock

Neha: 10 O’clock Morning or night?

Me: I told you already that it is morning. So it is 10 in the morning.

Neha: Ok. So what time can I go swimming today?

Me: Same as always. 7:30 in the evening?

Neha: Ok. What day is it today?

Me: (Wanting to scream already) Tuesday.

Neha: Tuesday pool is open. Only Monday it is closed. Right, mamma? Ok. Ok. Today is Tuesday. That means tomorrow is Wednesday and then Thursday. Yippee, Thursday is my birthday!

Me: (gulping) No baby. Your b’day is over. That was on April 23rd.

Neha: But mamma, you told me that my b’day is on Thursday.

Me: (mentally telling myself that I should look up on how to explain time to a five year old) No, baby. You see, April 23rd is over and now it is May. Now shall we go and brush?

Neha: Ok. So it is May. So it is January, February, April, May…..

Me: (It is just 10 in the morning and I feel tired already) That is not the right order.

Neha: Ok. Ok. I know. Let me start again. January…

I now have to wait around patiently till she gets the order right! And I am frantically thinking about how I can get her off the subject.

After brushing teeth, Neha asks me: “Mamma, what is the time?”

Now, this is the point where my eyes begin to roll.

The past two weeks, this question has been met with my eyes rolling in its sockets which really amuses Neha. Now I am beginning to think whether she really wants an answer or is she just waiting for my reaction.

These days, my favorite game is : Let’s see who can keep quiet for longer. There are no prizes for guessing who is the winner.

All I know is that it is vacation ‘time’. Yes, all moms of school going kids must be facing this crisis as I write. I am not really in favor of packing off my kid to some meaningless vacation class. There are summer classes for karate, too. Pray tell me, how is it possible to learn Karate in 30 days? Now I know why kids of today think that they can build a rocket in 5 minutes.

I have heard of kids complaining that their music teacher is asking them to play Do, Re, Me… too many times. And that they are ready to learn a song. This after two piano classes!! :D There is a school nearby offering to teach tennis to kids 5 years and above…The kids can barely lift the racket. :D And I know a 5 year-old who has handwriting classes for 2 hours everyday! This might be the kind of kid who will kill her folks and pen a suicide note in beautiful handwriting. :D

Come on people, just wait for them to grow up so that they can figure out what they are interested in. They will just balk at all your suggestions, otherwise.I do not mind signing my kid up for dance classes or story telling sessions, but I am yet to chance upon something good. Besides, she is just 5. There is time. Until then, I will be bombarded with what-is-the-time-questions!

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Today, my daughter Neha turns 5. Happy Birthday, my love!! You cannot imagine the joy you bring to my life. My wish for you is that your choicest dreams and the desires closest to your heart come true. I have posted some pictures of my little angel taken on her special day!


She had her friends over for lunch. They had a great time. Now this mommy is sooooooo tired after all the cooking and running around for the past week organising her party and surprise. We gifted her a room, all done up. She was thrilled seeing her room in hues of pink. Yes, I think she is ready to move in too. Wish us luck!
Edited to add :

People, I baked that cake myself. And I am so proud of it. I thought it might help to add a close-up. :D (Now you know what made me so tired. Except for chips, nothing was store-bought.) I have passed on your wishes to her and she is thrilled. Thank you.

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't!

I was lambasted and pasted against the wall the other day by my dad and mother-in-law. And guess who the culprit was? Yes, you guessed right! My five-year old, Neha! I can see it coming. She is gonna get me into a lot of trouble. Yup, I am gearing myself for it.

Can u imagine what she came up with this time? Just when we were recovering from some crazy rash, apparently a viral infection that showed up in her body as rashes.

We were visiting my in-laws and went to check in on an uncle who stays nearby. This uncle’s neighbor has a German Shepherd! Neha perched herself on the wall with the help of a tap and began teasing the dog with plastic fruits! As she was going in and out, I told her not to tease the dog. She must have thought: Here goes mom, blabbering again!

Then she hunted for something to give the dog and zeroed in on carrots and tomatoes. The dog must have been pissed with all the teasing and then the crappy stuff that Neha decided to feed him. Anyways, he did not want to be teased, I guess, so when she offered him the carrot, he became aggressive and it resulted in a bite. Fortunately, it was not too bad. The skin above her thumb got grazed by his teeth. It bled too.

Though I was shocked, I could not afford to show it. I could not afford to sit on it either. The doctor suggested ant-rabies vaccines for 3 days. Poor kid! She has been brave through it all. The dose was administered on her butt. Yesterday when I called her to come and get the shot, she made a run for it. Four kids and I had to chase her around for a couple of minutes. When I managed to catch her, she said, “But mamma, I have only two bums! Where is the doctor going to give it today?”

Getting back to where I started, my dad gave me a lecture on how careless I was and how I should keep a more careful eye on her. That I allow her too much freedom to explore and get hurt in the process. I tried real hard to explain that I was not careless at all. That I watch her with four eyes!

Now my M-I-L had another take on it. She says that I am just too careful and am breathing down the kid’s neck all the time. That I should allow her some freedom to explore. Then she would be getting into all this if I gave her some space, blah, blah. Again, I tried real hard to explain to her that I do allow Neha her freedom.

It got me thinking. What the heck? I cannot do anything without getting the raw deal. I have to really come up with some innovative ways to get the kid to live her life and not get hurt. Ok, this is where my head beings to hurt and all seems fuzzy! But on my part, I have decided to build up a collection of books on emergency medical aid and by-heart it. I have already saved her life twice already. First when she swallowed two watch cells. And the second time, when she swallowed two five rupee coins. You may discount the countless other times when she attempted dangerous stuff. Let me remind you at this point, that she is only 5.

Cand-id!

Every once in a while, I come across something, a picture or article or witness a scene maybe, that never fails to bring a smile on my face. I keep recalling it and grinning the whole day. ***

I have always had an aversion to kirana shops. Somehow, I do not like pointing out at items from far and having to keep telling the shopkeeper, “Not that one, the other brand. No, the bigger pack.” I’d rather be able to venture close to the aisle and check out what I want, especially if there are offers and stuff. And most of the time, the shopkeepers at the kirana shop are irritated with performing these tasks the whole day; they are in general, pissed with the world. You shop there in the evening close to shutting time and you are sure to walk away in a foul mood.

***In today’s Times of India, somebody wrote in about how every time a shopkeeper does not have change to give, he slips a candy or bubblegum across the counter in lieu of change whether u want the candy or not. And it is not like they offer it to you politely with an explanation. They just assume that it is OK. And notice that they will never look you in the face while they do it. So this guy (who wrote in), when he did not have change after a purchase, offered some candy to the shopkeeper and he refused to accept it. :D. Needless to say, he was annoyed that the same ploy did not work.

I personally hate being offered that candy. And if my daughter happens to see it, I had it. When she does not see it, I quickly slip it back to him and ask him to keep the change.

Neha was introduced to candy about a year back. Most of the time, in the good old days, I would give her Hajmola when she asked for candy!!! (Wicked mom!!). Now she is wiser. Well, I knew it was bound to happen once she starts school. One day she saw a kid licking at something. She asked me what it was. She was 3 and half then. I told her it was a lollipop. And then we introduced lollipop in her life.

Odyssey (a bookstore) opened up near us. About two months back, on the ground floor, they opened a candy bar. The colors and variety are amazing. Ofcourse after they opened the candy bar, I avoid frequenting the place with Neha. When she set her eyes on it the first time, I saw the look in her eyes. Priceless!!

She asked me: “What is that colour-colour stuff, mamma?”
Me quickly: “Dog Food!”

She must have secretly wished she were a dog!

Annual Day

My daughter had her Annual Day on the 29th of March. Since I used to frequent the school to help with the arrangements, I was fairly aware of the goings on. But as I watched my daughter on stage, my heart swelled with pride. The theme for Nursery was Festivals and Neha’s class danced to a peppy Christmas song. Of course they missed their beats and had to be prompted. But it was so amazing to watch their personalities unfold on stage. Towards the end of the song, Santa came on stage and they were all to form a train behind Santa. Just at that moment they sprayed a snow can on stage for effect. But since the kids did not experience it during their practice sessions, there were totally thrilled to bits. Santa forgotten, most kids rushed to the snow to catch it and get it all on themselves. It was a riot. Only two kids still hung on to Santa trying to keep up with the beat.

My daughter was in the team that said the school prayer, the Christmas dance and also swayed to “We are the World”. Neha was in the second row. But she decided at some point that that is not where she wanted to be. So she let go of the hands she held, forced her way in front and separated two other kids to be in the front row. She totally had a ball with the whole thing. Her Grandparents and we were so thrilled to find out that she was not shy on stage.

The fact that we were locked out of our house and had to break the lock to get in and the fact that our car met with another freak accident all in the same night, could not take away from the happiness that I experienced watching my little girl for the first time on stage.

Wisecrack

Old wine in a new bottle

The below conversation took place when I was upset with my in-laws for declining to stay with any one of their kids.

Me: Now that you are young, you listen to us. When you are a big girl, we will be old. Then we will listen to you.Neha: (Very sadly) Mamma, please don’t be old. You be new only!



Smarty pants

Neha, You want to go to the toilet, right?
No Mamma.
I know you want to.
I said no mamma.
But I can see it on your face. I know you have to go now.
Turns around a looks at her butt. But it comes from here, right?
How can u see it on my face then?
I had to struggle to keep a straight face.

Fairy Tales

Okay, we have all read fairy tales at some point or the other. I have been reading and talking to Neha since she was barely 3 months old. Obviously at that point she may not have made any sense of it but I rumbled along anyway. Now at 3 and half, she is able to tell which of her 30–odd collections of books contains which story and she can relate the sequence of events by the picture.
As I child I don’t remember what I understood from the stories but from a parent’s point of view, I must say I am disappointed and shocked. What were the writers thinking? Almost all stories contain lying, swear words (Yeah, ‘stupid’ definitely is a swear word) etc. Don’t think I am over-reacting. I have to prove my point.

Let us take Jack and the Beanstalk for example.

Did Jack’s father really have to die? It is really difficult to explain death to 2-4 year olds. They could just have become poor.

Jack was a little boy, but yet his mother trusted him to be able to walk a cow to the market and even bargain a price for it. She surely did not tell him much he was going to get for it. I can say that she expected quite a bit because she was really banking on the cow to get food to the table at least till she thought of some other way to get money. What stumps me is that - why did she not do it herself?

Again when the magic beans sprouted and grew, she really did not stop her “little boy” climbing all the way up on into the sky on a plant!

And what is that about the Giant chanting a song that talks about killing a mere boy and grinding his bones to make his bread!! (That should not have come through the book censor in the first place!)

And then, sin of all sins, Jack stole the hen and the eggs. A little boy stealing was in bad taste. He thought he was being bold and brave at that!!!!!!!!

And that too, right in front of the giant’s wife. What a stupid woman! She is kicking at her own stomach and aiding and abetting a minor to commit a crime. (At least two years of Jail and a hefty fine)

All along the way to the beanstalk, Jack was so calculated and fearless that he did not for once think about dropping the hen and running for his life. Almost like a hardened criminal.

And now, as he climbs and shouts to his mother, she actually brings an axe. Handing over a weapon to a minor (She would have got 10 years of RI).

Again aiding and abetting a minor to commit MURDER. (She surely would have got the electric chair for this one!!)

As the giant fell to the ground, Jack and his mother are rejoicing at their good fortune that Jack stole. No remorse. After all, the hen was the giant’s property. I do not know how to portray the giant as the bad guy here.

And they live happily ever after! Crime after crime and they are happy??

This almost sounds like a bollywood thriller sympathizing with the bad guy for the way fate handed him so much misfortune and then him having no choice but to walk the dark alleys of crime to get to make it in this big, bad and ugly world!

And mind you, they call this a fairytale!

Happy Birthday to u!

I have a 3 and half year old girl and of late, I have realized that she has a crazy number of friends. Okay, all along I thought that was a good thing. To explain myself a little better, I have to delve into history. After Neha was born, we stayed at Vizag for the first 13 months, which was insignificant, friends-wise. Then we moved to Hyderabad where we stayed close to my in-laws. All our friends and acquaintances here were 50-plus. Age-wise. We existed in this set up till Neha was 2+. Then we bought a house in hyderabad’s twin city, Secunderabad. This is a housing complex with about 300 flats. I was thrilled about our social life, Finally Neha and I would have friends our age. Lots of them. Wow!!!

Not so wow. In the past 3 months, Neha must have attended about 20 birthday parties. 95% of them were hosted at KFC. In July, when my daughter attended her first party at KFC, she screamed like crazy when she saw Chicky. She thought it was a monster or something. Now she is often found hanging on Chicky’s backside.

Neha seems to feature on even 9 year olds’ birthday lists. I am stumped. Practically every weekend is spent racing between my in-laws place (25 km away, mind you) and these birthday parties and not to mention hunting for age appropriate gifts that do not make a hole in the pocket.

Yes, I did have a party on Neha’s birthday too. But I asked each and every invitee not to bring gifts. I just wanted a birthday party with Neha’s friends. Little girls and boys running about, having a ball. Since her b’day falls during summer holidays, we plan on taking a vacation every year during that time. So I just wanted that one party for her and it was fun. But I have understood that parents here celebrate all birthdays. With parties. Every year. Wow!!

Secretly, I think they are just trying to recover the money they spent on other kids’ gifts. What a vicious cycle.