METAMORPHOSIS

A Vacation to Remember

2010-10-17T22:26:00.007-09:00

I did it guys. Finally. I had a vacation. I took your advice (left my husband out of the planning Heee! Heee!) and planned the whole trip with my friend. We did the Hyderabad - Coorg - Mysore - Hyderabad road trip. I wanted to pack in more places, but I had to put a lid on it!

Neha displaying some acrobatics

Six whole days of awesome fun. It relaxed and soothed my soul. We did not hurry through the trip trying to rush through all the tourist spots. Instead we relaxed in the lap of nature, picked and chose the must-see places and targeted them at our own pace. Despite it being a road trip, we weren't exhausted at any point in the journey, except our first leg of the journey. We took some crazy detour and ended up driving through and empty forest route that freaked the living daylights out of us. No lights; sometimes we weren't even sure if there was a road ahead!! My friend dropped the word 'naxalites' in the midst of conversation, and promptly went to sleep. The rest of us did not blink till we reached our destination at about 3 am (after about a 5- hour delay)!!

A little canopy outside our homestay

Coorg (considered the Switzerland of India), a hillstation in Karnataka, did not disappoint us. We rented a homestay nestled deep in the heart of Coffee and pepper plantations. All around us for miles on end were all kinds of beautiful flora in different hues of green, scenting the air with their distinct fragrances. Pepper and coffee plants were all around us, growing like wild grass!

Coffee plant

Pepper plant

We took nature walks in the morning, breathing in the fresh air and listening to the sounds of nature. The view from Rajah's seat was breath-taking (boy, did those Rajah's have all the fun or what?). The Abbey Falls was beautiful.

The view from Rajah's seat

Abbey Falls

We left Coorg and headed to Mysore, in an attempt to catch a sneak peak of the Mysore Palace in all its splendour as it gets lighted up for Dusshera Celebrations. As we reached there, we realised there were a million other people wanting to do the same. We just clicked some pictures of the palace. The Musical Fountain at the Brindavan Garden was terribly disappointing. I last saw it about 10 years back and it was truly amazing back then. They seemed to have downgraded their standards. We could barely hear the (pathetic) music they played. (At this point, I am hoping that somebody tells me that down-played the whole thing to manage the crowd that turns up because of Dusshera). It looked like the whole of India was in Mysore that day.

We just kept altering our plans as we went along. Had a crazy amount of Coffee and loadsa fun. Normally, they say, when you are in good company, it really doesn't matter where you are! And I did have great comapny. My soul is renewed and my spirits high! And that has nothing to do with the different flavors of wine that I bought at Coorg! :D

Stand by me!

2010-10-07T03:19:00.003-09:00

This song can propel me into the past like nothing else can. I heard it today after so many years. It made me feel as warm today as it did many years ago. Attached to this song is the memory of the most romantic thing somebody ever did for me.

I was shopping at a book store many years back, and they had this song playing at the store. There is something so simple and timeless and soulful about these lyrics. I was singing along and told this guy (a colleague) with me, that this is one of my all time favorite songs.

The next day, as I was busy at work**, I was completely caught off guard with this song playing in the air. I just looked up and there he was, grinning from ear to ear.

Nothing much needed to be said. The fact that he rummaged through his entire collection to find the CD that held that song to play it the very next day, was enough for me.

**And if you are thinking, "Wow! That was some cool office!" You bet it was. But we normally never played stuff like that on regular working days. Saturdays were a different ball game altogether.

Pssst: And if you are thinking that the 'he' I am referring to is my husband, you are sooo off target!

Stand by me "Orginal"inclusiv with River Phoenix
Link: - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX--7gFHkU0

Asking For Trouble

2010-09-17T00:58:00.004-09:00

All of you line up immediately. I need a kick in my ass! I really do. Why else would I do stuff like this?

Let see. Lemme try and give you the gist. You must have an idea about how I can attract trouble like flowers do bees. What I try and venture into in the form of help usually ends up giving me sleepless nights and frequent headaches.

I have friends, whose houses I watch out for when they are not around. I am not talking about the keeping-an-eye-when-we are-out-on-a-short-vacation/trip thing. That really is nothing. I am talking about the I-am-going-away-for-many-years, take-complete-care-of-my-house-thing. Then I have to check and get the house cleaned as a tenant leaves, advertise and zero in on new tenants, etc. Again, no sweat. I can do it. Just requires me to make a few extra trips to the house. Which I am totally fine with.

I have two flats under my wings, belonging to two friends. I don't mind keeping an eye on them. So far, there have not been too many issues. Since I do not undertake any of the monetary transactions, my conscience is clear too.What gets my goat is when I am required to stand in the middle an handle the other stuff. Though I make it very clear that I am only facilitating the whole thing, I still get embroiled in other nonsense. I am no real-estate agent, but I almost feel like one. An unpaid one!

One friend totally realizes that what I do is selfless and trusts my judgment. But the other flat ran into some issues recently. The earlier tenant vacated. But they left the house in a filthy condition. It had to be painted. Then came the cleaning. I went back and forth several times. I put up the notice for vacancy, several people came to check out the flat, at all times of the day. Again back and forth, proclaiming the virtues of the apartment, society, blah, blah. Finally somebody showed keen interest and I put them across to the owners to discuss monetary stuff. Finally, we got a tenant. I heaved a sigh of relief.

About three weeks after he moved in, I get a call from the tenant saying that he had some problems due to which he had to move back to his hometown. I understood. I mean these thing happen, right? So I called my friends and informed them. Then this tenant just vanishes, key and all, way beyond the mentioned vacating time. All attempts to reach him were futile. I freaked, and had weird thoughts of a suicide or murder in the house etc. Why would somebody vanish like that? I padlocked the house and told the owners, to write him an email before I take any action. Finally he responded saying he was a bit ill. (What? Are we living in the stone ages? Could he not call?) In the meantime, tenant and owner exchanged a few heated mails, with the tenant threatening dire consequences if his deposit was not returned etc. When the tenant called me (Now why did that have to happen??) and asked me for money(??), I told him that I do not handle any of the monetary issues. My job was to only convey to the owners as to what money was required to be cut from the deposit. But he still continues to call me asking me for assurance. Yesterday I told him that the delay was because he was behaving like an ass! Go figure!

Now the new tenants, they are another bunch of clowns. I hate people who chase when the money is theirs, but avoid when they have to actually give. They moved in to the flat (yeah the same flat mentioned above. We are not done with it yet!) in the beginning of September. The deal is that the tenant has to pay two months deposit and a months rent check (made out to the owner) in advance before the keys are handed over. I insisted on a check, so they gave it to me and told me to hold on for a few days before I deposit it. I could feel steam coming outta my ears, I wanted to beat them up(Do any of u blame me?), but I agreed. With the owner asking me about the checks periodically, I have been following up (Why? Why??) with the tenant. Now today, she sends me an SMS asking me to deposit only 1 check. Now what do they expect me to tell the owners?

This whole thing is really rotten. This is not my job. A little help (which I so love doing) is turning out to be a total pain. I am thoroughly uncomfortable being taken for a ride like this. I am just gonna go ahead and deposit both the checks, and say, "Oooops!"

Weekend Woes

2010-09-13T20:11:00.002-09:00

Yup, I allowed the husband to do it to me yet again! Now before your naughty minds start wandering, let me elaborate. You guys might remember the 'Mumbai trip' I went on last year. Just before the scars could heal (yeah, it takes me a bit of time!), my husband (a klutz, when it comes to travel) has gone ahead and done it again.

When my husband said that he has a long weekend coming up, and that maybe we should head to Vishakapatnam, it did not make me jump up for joy. In all fairness, I cannot say that my husband has ever taken me on a hassle free trip. Even the honeymoon trip to Vizag (don't rub your eyes, you really did read it correct. We went to Vizag for our honeymoon. By the time the festivities died down, we were seriously poor!), he manage to pull of his signature klutziness. He wanted to show me around. After I got dressed in a nice dress with white pants, he came up with a brilliant idea. 'Why don't we bike it out?' he asked. So we went and borrowed his brother's bike. And by them we reached home, I was wearing brown pants! It was covered in slush. I must have forgotten to mention the affinity my husband has for potholes. We might be on the left lane. But far ahead on the right if there is a pothole, we will surely go through it.

Anyways, getting back to our trip recently, till the day of our travel, the train reservations were not confirmed. It finally did come through though. I can never sleep on train/bus journeys. So I spent the next two days in a sleepy haze. Then it is time to get back. This time, our reservations did not come through. So we spent half a day hunting for something that will get us back. We had two cranky kids on our hands too. I thought we could fly back. But people, can you imagine how much I was expected to shell out for a half our flight. 40K!!! Does money grow on trees these days? My family can fly to Singapore and still have money left over for shopping, with 40K!!

So anyways, we chose the bus, for which we paid double the normal fare. Again, no sleep! The driver slam-braked the entire journey. I kept sliding down the reclining seat. The back hurts, legs are swollen, I tell you, it was pathetic. I wish I could have torched that bus! :D They don't make it for people.

I told myself that I will try and learn how the train system works, but I did not. I am just limping back to normalcy. I have begun to hate travelling, with a passion. The next time, my husband say the word, I am gonna bolt.

I hope you guys had a better weekend.

Weekends

2010-09-03T21:30:00.003-09:00

There are so many post in draft stages. The thought flow broke with a few distractions and I never seemed to able to get back.

The weekends go by in a blur! My husband leaves no opportunity to rub it in my face as to how much I am missing out on in life. He woke up at 6 am and went to play football. Got back at around 9:15 only to have tea, read newspaper, bathe, and have breakfast. He headed out at ten to play badminton. As he reached the lift, he told me not to expect him back before 5 pm. Now is he lucky or what!!! I wanna go out and toss a ball, play badminton, go for a trek with my friends. Boo Hooo!! Where is all the fun in my life??

Neha keeps tossing some funny stuff my way. The other day this happened:

I was busy pottering around the house, vaguely aware that Neha is mumbling something. Did not pay too much attention really. Then she asks me, "Mamma, are we Indians?"

Me: "Yes, Dear. Of course we are." (wondering what this is gonna lead to)

Neha: "Then you are my sister?" (Shock and perplex written all across her face)

Me: (Equally puzzled) "Come on. You know I am your mother."

Neha: "But the Pledge** says that - All Indians are my brothers and sisters."

Then I did what my motherly instincts indicated that I do in such a situation. I rolled on the floor and laughed!!

That kid of mine really throws these googlies at me every once in a while.

** The Indian Pledge. She says the pledge during school assembly.

Have a nice day!!

Finding and Keeping a Life Partner

2010-08-23T22:50:00.003-09:00

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr../Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they ' re getting married, they'll say: "We ' re in love"; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there ' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage . When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you ' re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you ' re married for 20 or 30 years, that ' s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won ' t get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ...3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don ' t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I ' m hoping to change about this person after we ' re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they ' re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don ' t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework. Another perspective... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It ' s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don ' t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don ' t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don ' t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can ' t take someone to the altar to alter them . You can ' t make someone love you or make someone stay.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2.. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME, WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT .

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace .

Just rambling...

2010-08-17T00:06:00.006-09:00

I am having a Tingling Tuesday. I am tingling to go shopping and blow up a crazy amount of money (which I don't have). Is there no good left in the world? Whatever happened to free makeovers for homes and people?? They don't seem to do that kind of stuff these days. Sigh! Wishful thinking!

Of late, I have become very impatient with impatient people. :D With my new found patience and icy cool exterior (I am working on the interior, too), I am handling the chaos around me rather well, thank you.

I have two friends, one who likes to steal thunder and another who hates her thunder being stolen. The other day, they both landed up at my place. After about 20 mins, my eyes started rotating in its socket. They were both talking at the same time trying to outdo one another to be heard. Yeah, it was fun!
Also, I wonder :

- why there are 21 followers on my dashboard, but when I get into my page, there are only 20.? Hmmmmm!!!

- why is it that if I have (let's assume) 20 followers, I get only 4- 6 comments? Come on guys, I am sure you can find it in your heart to type in a teeny, weeny comment. Yeah, yeah I know I can add on some gadget/feedjit kinda thing that will let me know how many hits I've had. Actually, I did try, but it seems to have been programmed to get into my mailbox rather than feature on the page! I seem to have two left hands!

- where 80% of the bloggers on my blog roll have gone? Some have not updated for months, one as long as a year. Solilo, Where are you?

That is all I have to rant about today. Have a nice day!

Spreading Joy

2010-08-10T02:40:00.005-09:00

I don't know if I have done this post before and frankly, I do not think I can stress on this topic enough. If you have never tried out Random Acts of Kindness before, go on, get out there and try it out. I am not so sure about 'what goes around comes around', but I can sure give the Butterfly seal of guarantee, that it will leave you feeling good and smiling for days.

I had read about this years ago some place and it stayed with me. At times, I have wondered whether I should do it, but on those occasions, I walked away from that place miserable that it occurred to me and I did not go through with it.

I think I must have mentioned earlier too that I try and do at least one selfless deed every day. Especially to those, who can make do with some kindness. It could be as simple as carrying the grocery bags of an elderly person, or paying medical bills of someone that you know can't really afford it, paying your house-help's child's fees. It can be anything.

Today I was so glad that I visited a friend, who gave birth to her second baby last Sunday. Actually, I befriended her just about three weeks back. And since we are this huge bunch of people, who hang out while our kids are playing, I have been trying to get people together to go and see her. Normally I try and pool in resources to pick up gifts, go out and actually buy the gifts ( yeah, yeah I hate thoughtless gifts), etc. Most times I end up forgetting how much and who owes me. I hate that part actually, when people forget when the owe somebody money. I try not to let it get in the way of making somebody happy (huge sucker, huh?).

But I was unable to pull it off this time, and frankly was tired that I had to try so hard. She stays nearby and the hospital was far. People were even saying things like 'Anyway she is going to come home in day or so' and stuff. So this morning, as I was about to start working, I decided to just hang everything and visit that friend. I checked with one person whether she wanted to come along. We stopped at a store, picked up lots of gifts and went visit my friend, Smitha. Since Smitha had not been answering my calls since Monday, I knew I was taking a chance. I was not sure if she was discharged from the hospital either. I checked at the help desk with whatever sketchy information I had. We traced her, only to find out that discharge procedures had started. I ran in, told security that I was here, to help take the patient home (it was not visiting hours!).

Smitha was thrilled. Her thank you note minutes after we left confirmed it. She was depressed that she had no visitors, and she was owing it to post-partum blues. Smitha is new to the city and we are all the people she knew. Yeah, we have not been friends for all that long, but I am glad I went. I really made her day. Sometimes the extra effort is tiresome.There are dozens of opportunities staring you in the face. You might have to go that extra mile, but it is totally worth it.

If I have inspired you into Random Acts of Kindness, do write in and let me know.

Have a nice day!

Life's Like That!

2010-07-28T22:45:00.003-09:00

I know a lot of people who tolerate abuse of some sort. Mostly women. But a lot of men too. Some women move hell and earth to separate their husband from his parents. Why can people not respect that fact that each relationship has its own rules? I detest being in the middle of anybody's relationship.It is sad to curb somebody's freedom and try and alter their behavior. Worse than that, is the way we condition our girl child to accept and 'adjust', because they are to be somebody's 'treasure' (paraya dhan) someday. We all know how much further from the truth the word 'treasure' actually is.

The story below, a real incident, has inspired me and I hope it does the same to you.

A friend, Janet, and I were discussing the other day about how some people complicate their life for no reason and walk around with a cloud over their head, when people who actually have been through misery, smile and spread joy.

Janet is from a well-to-do family who have lived in various places in India owing to her father's profession. She described her parents as very liberal-thinking, soft-natured people. When she was about 20-something, a family friend told Janet's parents about a nice boy. These family friends knew the boy's parents very well. They suggested Janet's parents meet them. Despite the fact that they were different geographical locations in India, Janet's parents agreed.

When her parents asked her what she thought of the boy, Janet said that he seemed ok during their brief meeting. When asked if she was ok with the idea of marriage, she told her parents that they can go ahead, since they had given it considerable thought. The wedding took place and Janet moved to her husband's hometown, very far away from that of her parents'.

After they unpacked at the hotel, they decided to go out for dinner. At dinner, she was in for a huge surprise. As they ate, the husband, Ravi made some rude remarks about her dress. At first, thinking that it was a joke, she laughed and looked at him, only to realise that it wasn't at all a joke. He went on to tell her that she was of loose character and that she was attracting attention and some other cheap stuff. Janet lost her cool and told him that she had nothing to prove to him or anybody else. She walked away from the restaurant and took a taxi back to the hotel. He came later in a mad rage.

Janet told him that she was not going to take that kind of behavior. She asked him to calm down and stay away from her. She called Ravi's sister and asked her if Ravi had mental problems. The sister admitted to something of that sort. Janet made the next call to her parents and just asked them to take the next flight and come down without telling them too much. How she spend the night in the room with that guy, is something I'll never be able to understand.

When Janet's parents arrived, Ravi was shocked and starting abusing them. The parents asked Janet to grab her bags and leave with them. They found out all they needed to know and decided that they were not about to leave their daughter to deal with her 'fate'.

The parents did not ask Janet to 'adjust'.
They did not fall down at Ravi's feet and ask them to forgive their daughter, for not being able to 'adjust' with him.
They did not scold their daughter for making a mountain out of a mole-hill.
They did not consider this the end of their daughter's life.
They did not care what the society would have to say about this.

Janet's parent's attitude to life before her marriage and the way the handled the ugly situation afterwards, is commendable. I am sure it helped Janet deal with it, the way she did. She did not mope and fret but went on to study further. She is now married to a guy of her choice and has 2 daughters.

In India there is a common belief that if boys are not serious about their lives, not earning, are mentally unstable, or are of loose character, getting them married is a way of fixing things. They don't realise that they are putting a hapless girl to a lifetime of misery. What Janet goes on to say is that if there is a basic flaw in the character, there is no need for anybody to put up with it. And girls, should not consider such incidents as the end of their life.

Janet is an inspiring person and I am glad to know her. The strength she displays and her constant efforts to spread sunshine all around her, belies the fact that she has been through any trauma. I do wish all parents empower their girl child to stand up for herself and deal with ugly situations the way Janet's parents did. You have to be so sure of yourself and respect yourself to be able to handle life, Janet's way.

Benefits of Yoga vs Benefits of Drinking

2010-07-21T07:04:00.005-09:00

This is just too hilarious. The benefits of yoga and drinking boil down to the same thing. Have a good laugh!

Dolphin Pose
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms

Balasana or Child Pose
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm

Ananda Balasana or Happy Baby Pose
This position is great for massaging the hip area

Shalabhasana or Locust Pose
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana or Bridge Pose
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs

Cat Stretch
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column

Malasana or Garland pose
This position, for ankles and back muscles

Halasana or Plough Pose
Excellent for back pain and insomnia

Have a great day and remember to give thanks....

A Lesson for Men

2010-07-13T04:38:00.001-09:00

I just could not resist putting up this one.

Lesson for Men - Women gotta love this one!

A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner with my husband and myself tonight.

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."

Are we taking about the fairer sex??

2010-07-06T09:38:00.003-09:00

I read this tag on Uma's page and it did not take me me more than a few minutes to attempt it. Yup, this tag was right up my alleyway. Though I was not tagged, I just could not resist listing at least ten things you have ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to.

At every store that has tools and tool kits, I am always checking if there is anything new that I can add to my collection.

My ultimate fascination with having my own house with a garage is to be able to saw wood and make furniture.

When my friends ask me what I want from the US, the unflinching reply always, is, a state-of-the art drill kit!!!!

I always hold lifts open for other people, even if they are men. It just happens very naturally.

If the fan, light etc at home conks off, I am the one who runs to the supply store and fix them if they are doable. I am always at hardware stores buying wires, adapters and such stuff. Otherwise, I stand around and instruct the handyman.

It is but natural in India, for anybody who comes home to install any equipment, to address the man of the house. If the guy has started off in my absence, I make him run me through the entire stuff just so I can troubleshoot. My husband is the last person who would be around when the equipment fails and is more often than not, the person who screws it up.

When I was working for a company overseeing its administrative and facilities management, if any equipment runs into trouble, I would be called to see what the fuss is about despite the fact that 99.99% of the employees were men.

When there is any ass to be kicked, and if the people wanting to kick ass knows me, they will rope me in to make it more effective. I always had to manage a lot of male subordinates at work, and getting them to do stuff is no mean task, and, believe me when I tell you, I can kick some mean ass!

My husband has never changed gas cylinders at home. I have to physically move and change it myself. I have lifted heavy boxes, fixed curtains, moved furniture, and set up an entire house in a day. My husband has left me with a house full of boxes only to return home to a fully set up home, with a warm meal, mind you!!!

There are too many things that I am doing now that does not leave me time to: learn to ride a motorbike, paint my own house, learn to use a drill kit, etc. I can sew, cook, clean and do all other such work that is supposedly feminine, but if given an option, I’d rather do work that gets my hands greasy.

If I could another point, it would be to be able to stand and pee!!! Ha ha ha!!!

I am not tagging anyone in particular but if anyone does feel like taking it up, please do so and drop me a comment so I can go read it.

Guys, please be patient with me. I have not left blogging altogether, I am just trying real hard to keep up. I will get back to regular blogging just as soon as I get my schedule in order.

Two weeks

2010-06-10T09:34:00.003-09:00

Thank you all, my blog friends, for your wishes. You cannot imagine how overwhelming it was see all those comments wishing me luck.

Swaram's comment prompted me to write right way!!! :D

The month started on a very hectic note. I was suddenly propelled into so much at the same time. Not too distant in the past, I was hanging around for six years at home, waiting for friends/relatives to drop in. Almost like rain in a parched desert ( Yes. I love to entertain :D). Well, almost nobody did.

And now I took up work and there landed a friend with her two kids. As soon as I got wind of the jobs and knowing that I had to start right away, I called her to tell her that she should postpone her travel so that I could take stock of things first. She did not take it well (she normally can't handle disappointment). Actually, she took it rather badly. But I also told her that if she was still keen on coming, she just had to keep in mind that I was starting right away. Which meant that I would not be able to hang around as much. She was to stay at my place for 3 days.

Well, I don't think she got the drift. She suddenly did not have anything else to do for 3 days, so she expected me to take her shopping. Not a problem, I love shopping. She is not alien to this place. Day 1 was fine, but I thought she should have just carried on with her shopping without me on the subsequent days. The selfishness was kind of getting under my skin. I was a mental wreck. I was creating backlogs that I had no clue how I would be able to deal with. To add to that the physical exhaustion due to the heat and all that shopping, house chores etc was beginning to get to me.

The worse part was that when she confirmed that she was coming anyways, I went ahead and planned the meals (read - and bought groceries) for her visit. Me being a hardcore non veg, and husband a vegetarian, I look forward to people who have to put their canines and molars to better use!! But guess what?? She is a vegetarian on Thursday and Friday. And what was I supposed to do with all that meat. Suddenly a lot more confusion was thrown in (as though I did not have enough of it already).

To top it all, she had been suffering from a nagging cold. The cold bothered her and so did the heat. She would say she was ravenously hungry and eat like a bird. She would not tell me that she did not like a particular dish when I told her I was going to make it. For some reason she would tell me only after I made it. Lots of it. Then there were far too many things that they together as a family did not eat. If the son liked potato, the mother did not. If the mother liked eggs, the son did not. And then the daughter had a select few things that she ate. Can you imagine that I was cooking even at 11:30 pm??? Which person would feed their kid at that time?? Well, my friend from hell did!!! It began to get tiresome and I was like, "Leave already!!!!"

She finally did. I hated myself when I whoopied, but I just could not help it. You must be wondering that I must be so difficult to be with. Well, after careful thinking, I realised that I only saw her in her territory. This was the first time I saw her in mine. And boy, she is difficult to please! She really put my 'host' skills to test!

I ended up with tremendous backlogs at work, and I was racing against time to complete it. I hated being put in a position like this and was soooooooo angry. Only those who saw me knew what I was going through. I was tired to the bone. But I really wanted to keep that job. I love every bit of it.

My articles are being published. I have not gotten a single article so far for editing/corrections. Woooooooooo Hooooooooooo!!

The other job that I took up, requires physical exertion too. I am getting trained to teach yoga. I love it, people! But yes, right now, I am tired.

Working Woman

2010-06-01T01:02:00.002-09:00

Now everybody who knows me, knows how eager I have been to get back to work; but on my own terms. I probably could not have talked more about anything else in the past three years. Prior to conceiving my daughter, I had worked with various corporates for about 10 years. I was surprised at the ease with which I fit into my role as a full-time parent. It shocked many of my co-workers, that I had taken a sabbatical. They laughed it off by saying that I would crawl back in 6 months time. Surprising, that 6 years later, I am still comfortable being just a mom. Ok, granted I had my moments when I wanted to kick the dusting cloth, laundry and cooking etc and just get back to work, but I stuck anyways.

With Neha hitting full-day school this year, I knew that my days in the sun were about to end. For my second innings, I wanted a job that I enjoyed. A job that did not demand endless meetings, crappy coffee, 24/7 dedication, being stuck in traffic, struggling to make it for PTA’s etc. I was so clear that I wanted to be there for my daughter when she gets back, hot fresh meals for the family, house in good order, etc (You see, the OCD is not likely to go away that soon). My husband thought that I was kidding myself and soon lost hope that I would ever get back to work.

As the days passed, even I thought I was kidding myself. But I relentlessly looked out anyways. But Wednesday’s classifieds kept calling out to me. I mostly give that section a miss because the kind of job that I am looking for, almost never gets featured there. But surprise of surprises, there it was. After the initial hesitation of ‘can I do it?, ‘Is it really worth it?, and stuff, I quickly send in my resume. In an hours time, I got a response! The liked my profile and wanted to meet me. The meeting went well, they asked me to send in a sample of my work. They liked that too. People, I am hired!!!! And I get to work from home!!! Granted that the pay is not the greatest, but I get to try my hand at something new. I walked away from that meeting with a full understanding that both parties are testing the waters. Which is good enough for me!!! This is going to be a good launch pad.

Before the above news could have come in, my friend just dropped in on Saturday morning. She is usually busy and normally never drops in and that too without calling. I knew then that this was something important. And it was. She wants to me join her in training. Again, totally do-able, and requires only 2 or three hours of my time, 5 days a week. Now, how awesome is that??!!! I am still pinching myself in disbelief.

Now you might all be itching to know what the two profiles are all about, I will let you know soon, Let me just start out and see how it goes. I am just happy with the opportunities and crossing my fingers, hoping that both will work out well.

I Know What I Did This Summer!

2010-05-23T00:58:00.002-09:00

Neha and her friends at an Egyptian Resort

Woo hoo!!! Yet another long break!!! What prompted it on? Well, first it was the fact that I had not zeroed in on a school for my daughter. A lot of schools were done with their admission procedures. The school that I was aiming for were to start their admission process only in June and by then a lot of schools had already started their new session. Something just snapped in my head. I went totally bonkers. I could not believe that after carefully thinking this whole thing through, I had found myself in this situation. One of the popular schools around here started making me make a lot of trips there. I guess the guy was just waiting for me to get desperate enough and then he would have asked for money.

Then totally out of the blue this acquaintance calls me up for something and then casually mentions that she was struggling for her sons admissions. There was this new school that she was looking at, and wanted to just try checking with another school. I thwacked my head first (stupid that I was, because I had seen their pamphlet and not called them) and then called up that new school. Then before we knew it, we were happy with our choice and enrolled Neha right away!

Now that the school thing was out of the way, I thought that it was about time that I had Neha’s sleep patterns altered. She would refuse to sleep early and then get up just half hour before her school bus came. I was at my wits end. I told myself that I have just two months to do something about it, and the new academic year would mean longer hours. If she carried on the way she did, there would not be any time to eat breakfast. So, it was ass kicking time.

There were just too many things I had to get in order. All I knew was that : Neha had to sleep in her own bed, she had to sleep early, she had to get up early. Now came the execution of the near impossible. Those who personally know my daughter would understand my plight. She puts up a lot of resistance to discipline! So, I roped in my friends. I convinced them that they had to kick in an exercise regime for themselves. I then told them that this would be a nice way to get the kids up and about earlier. So I told them that I would take all the kids to the pool at 6 am, while they could walk. The pool was oh-so-empty at that time of the day and I would man these 4-6 kids in the pool. Then the rest was pretty easy. We were all charged for the day. We girls would all make breakfast, get even lunch out of the way (the husbands carry lunch to work), and the house would be all sorted out too. I had the other uphill task of cutting down Neha’s TV time. Vacations meant that she was spending a crazy amount of time in front of the idiot box. I would then coax Neha into playing or catching up on reading skills, etc. It being summer vacation and all, the kids deserved a few outings too.

In the middle of all this hullabaloo, the internet gave up. I was too pissed to call the phone guys up. It then dragged on for a bit. Then I once again had to change the wiring and stuff. I wanted wireless connectivity and there was a bit of trouble there too. I tell you, they have been testing my patience. The next time round, you can be sure that I will change the service provider.

So, my friends, it has been an eventful summer for me. What have you guys been up to?

My lil' girl!

2010-04-02T19:26:00.003-09:00

Yes, I did take another long break, didn’t I? It started with me being upset over something, then I took a break and visited Vizag. Travelling to me is hard work. I am not a travel person anymore. All journeys seem tiresome. But I definitely have learned to pack better.

One good thing is that now I know that it is easier to travel with my daughter. She was an absolute darling on this trip. There are some things that Neha accepts very easily. For a 6 year old she is rather mature in her understanding of relationships and the unchangeable aspects of life and death. Her family bonds are very strong and though she will not easily warm up to neighbors or family friends that easily, once I tell her that someone is related to us, she lets her guard down and mingles with them like she’s known them for years.

On the over night train journey back from Vizag, she was at her ultimate best. We had a whale of a time. She would hail all the hawkers who walked through the train. They would look at me thinking I would buy their stuff and I would say ‘no’. There was this elderly couple who thoroughly enjoyed her antics.

Suddenly she asks me, “Mamma, How old was Thatha (Paternal grandfather)?

Me: 67

Neha: Ok. So when we are 67, we will die?

Me: (Knowing where all this is heading) Maybe.

Neha: Ok. So first Pappa will die, then you, then me, right?

Me: (not wanting to elaborate too much) Kind of. We can’t really say.

Now I am really not prepared for what follows. :D

Neha : Ok. Ok. So do one thing, mamma. You give me the keys.

Me: KEYS?? What Keys?

Neha: You know, keys to the house and bike. Also, teach me how to ride the bike, so that I can manage easily.

Me: (impressed as hell) You don’t want the car keys?

Neha: That I will learn eventually. First teach me how to ride the bike!

Neha was exposed to the harsh reality of death when my F-I-L passed away last May. I explained to her just as much as a 5 year old would need to know. I expected nightmares and stuff because we had the body at home for 3 full days, but Neha did not probe too much. Neither did she wake up in cold sweat. She accepted death as an eventuality. She did ask me how she would manage, if I were to die and told me that she did not want me to die. But other than that, there were no real concerns.

Her sense of humor is getting sharper by the day. After waking up, we normally spend a few minutes in bed, cuddling. Yesterday morning, she tell me that, “My name is Neha and I really have to go to the toilet.” Like the line in the movie My Name is Khan, “My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist.” I laughed so hard, I had tears.

By the way, did you all watch that movie? I thought it was exceptional!

All in the News!

2010-03-05T00:47:00.003-09:00

Since March 3rd, every time I answer my phone, there have been news that made me sit at the edge of my chair.

First it was the plane that crashed not so far away from where I stay. The International Airshow is on in my city. I was not at the show, but I was headed to Neha's school when I saw the four planes overhead, doing their acrobatics. Just at that time, they gave out different colored smoke and flew forward. Just a few moments from then, one of the planes lost control and crashed into a building. Both pilots died in the crash. There were no civilian casualties.

Then later in the day, I get a frantic call from MIL saying that I should turn on the local news channel. There was this swami who was caught on tape having a romp. Well, a lot of self-proclaimed 'gods' at some point or other are always in the news, romping!! Well this swami's scandal was important. My husband's cousin was an ardent follower and she was willing to forsake her family and go serve this 'god.' Looks like she would have to give in more that she was willing to, had she made that move. Though I follow the local language well, somehow, news in all Indian languages are difficult to follow. Looks like they draft the news piece, then use Thesaurus to come up with difficult words and then read out the news! So I had to wait for my husband to get back to give me the whole deal on this swami. Then of course, all news channels began airing the cons of following such swami's, how they have property worth crores, etc. How people are so foolish to waste their time trying to reach God, when really, it is all so simple.

The next day my MIL calls again to tell me that the manager at a bank where a lot of us hold accounts, was caught siphoning lakhs of money. I told my MIL that she had no reason to worry for me. Seeing the pennies in it, somebody might feel sorry and just put in some money. I had to call in once at night just to make sure that there were no scandals while I was out! :D

In today's paper I saw a news item : Carla Bruni-Sarkosy goes Bra-less at state dinner! Was there a mandate that nobody told this lady about?? I mean she was hosting the dinner. Maybe she was so busy looking into the details that she forgot to wear a bra! Somebody must put up a set of rules for such events.

Rule 1: Follow all the protocols for VIP guests.
Rule 2: Make sure security is tight.
Rule 3: Wear underwear.

I mean, who knew this. Just in case you hear any such eye-popping news, keep me in the loop!

Thoughts and Actions

2010-02-27T20:54:00.000-09:00

The other day, I watched the movie Kurbaan. Typical of all such movies, it left me very disturbed. The movie centers around terrorism, a love story woven into it. For those who have not seen the movie, it is about a girl who falls in love with a guy. They are both professors at a university. The girl gets an offer at NYU. They get married and move to New York. All things seem fine up until her husband’s real identity dawns on the girl.

Would I turn in somebody I knew? I did not need to waste too much time thinking. I would. Without a moment’s doubt, I’d do the right thing and turn the person in. I do not believe that anybody has the right to harm people at any level. I do believe there is a way out of this mess. Killing innocent people is just not the way.

Yes, I do believe that injustice has been done to them, and they were victims at some point. These days, a lot of movies portray the softer sides to the elements that terrorize and kill people. The movie New York itself was a classic example of how innocent people go down that road. For every innocent person that is tortured in the name of terrorism, there are these groups that are waiting for them to be released from custody, just so they can cash in on their wounds while it is still raw. I wish there were groups that would do the opposite and help them live their lives with dignity.

But then the story of the movie was not what I wanted to write about. Neither do I want to start a debate on terrorism. It has been done to death. There is only so much that can be done when people are willing to blow themselves up for a cause. When there is no fear, it is scary.

While I was watching the movie, a thought occurred to me. I wondered that if I were to suspect somebody on grounds of terrorism, who should I alert? Just say, that there is this somebody whose activities are suspicious. I mean there is no real reason outwardly, but there is this gut feel that something is just not right. I may be wrong but if you watch the programs on 9/11 etc, though the gut instinct was there, the people concerned did not act on it.

I chewed on that thought the whole day. I doubt if the local police station is the way to go. I doubt if they have the sensibility to take up such a serious issue and alert the right people. And then again, I would not want any attention on myself. I would want it to be handled with tact. So who should I be alerting? I am sure all of us should have such information ready at hand in times of need.

Reproductive Rights - The right to say 'No'

2010-02-24T01:06:00.006-09:00

This post is an entry into a contest by Indus Ladies to celebrate International Women's Day. For more details, please click here.

Mom, Dad and you, have this one life and so do I. You must explain to me why I should suffer the consequences of the choice you made for your life. Yes, since you are my mother, you suffer too, but you can only see my misery. You cannot feel it like I do. Since I was a young baby, I have undergone several surgeries on my feet to be able to walk the way I do today. I thank you for getting those surgeries done, but God alone knows the quality of genes that I have in my body because of your decision to go ahead with a consanguineous marriage. I don’t know if I can ever lead a fully normal life. Who would like to marry me knowing that I am the product of a marriage of two close relatives? It is common scientific knowledge that such children carry defective genes that lie dormant and if paired with another complimentary gene, manifests itself in their children. The consequences can be disastrous.

When you married, you were too young to know the consequences of such a marriage and discovered what the outcome was, when I came along. The doctors advised you and informed you that my condition was common in children from consanguineous marriages. 14 years later, you have decided to go ahead with another baby? Did you not think it was important to seek the necessary medical help? Did you think it was important to consult some expert in the field of genetic disorders before you decided to have a baby? Even after you conceived, did you not think of getting some relevant tests done? Though you knew that something was just not right about him, my brother was almost two when you discovered that he is suffering from Phenylketonuria. Another genetic disorder, from a consanguineous marriage.

Mom, as a woman, you have the right to decide whether you want to go ahead with a pregnancy or not. Agreed, that your husband wanted another baby. But you also have the right to an opinion. There was no need to bring that baby into this world. You should have armed yourself with knowledge before embarking on that journey.

Everyday his suffering is going to increase as he is growing up. He will also want to eat normal food like normal kids. He will hate you for the tasteless formula that has to be combined with the other ‘acceptable’ foods that he can eat. And, he has to have that kind of food, his whole life! Eating anything out of the ordinary can mean mental retardation. It is going to be a tremendous challenge, not just for you, but him more importantly. It is like walking on glass all your life.

Will I ever be able to marry and lead a ‘normal’ life? Will my brother survive his condition? My life and that of my brother’s will always be replete with suffering just because you did not have the courage to say ‘No.’

The thoughts that are echoed above are that of a young girl who had clubbed feet as a result of consanguineous marriage. She has a brother who was born with phenylketonuria.

This is a true story.

I tag Reflections, The M.I.L. Chronicles and The Song of Life to participate in this contest, create awareness and make this contest a huge success.

It ain't funny!

2010-02-17T04:07:00.004-09:00

Though many people tell me that I have immense patience, personally I feel that I have the patience of an active volcano. I am the telling-what’s-on-my-mind-and-getting-on-with-it-types. My husband is the bury-it-all-in-the-crevices-of-the-mind-and-screw-up-your-own-health kinds. The Capricorn that I am and the Taurus that my daughter is, we have this highly explosive relationship. One minute we are practically tearing each other up and the next we are cuddling and having a whale of a time. My husband is thoroughly confused. In the beginning he would step in and try and call the shots. But then one glare from the both of us and he would have no choice but to back off. The whole sight is so funny.

I am the planning and strategy kind of person and my daughter is the strategy killer. I mean she will take all my hours of planning and shove it down the drain, without as much as a thought. And then I am left at the drawing board once again. The other day, she got this question paper that she was to solve at home. It was the regular stuff that has been covered in school so many times. So when she asked me a question, I told her that by now she must be so used to this and that she should figure it out. Then as I went on with my work, there was silence. I thought that she was busy tackling the paper. Now I must at this stage tell you that my daughter likes to think that she is agile and smart. (She actually is!) But I am her sharp mamma with super sharp sense of sight, hearing etc. I heard the sound of the chair moving ever so lightly and then Neha whizzing from the table to the place where her bag was kept. It took me another nano-second to figure out what was going on. She was quickly taking a sneak-peak at her book and dashing to the table to write the answers!!! Cheeky little monster!! Look at that kid! She is always looking at ways to outsmart me. And I am soooo freaked out. Now I can see nothing as ordinary. Remember Mr. Wilson in Dennis the Menace? :D

Yesterday, my neighbour and I was discussing about how to get rid of this rat that we sighted near our plants. Neha immediately told us that we should not kill rats. We had the Why look. “We should not kill rats. Rats are also hooman beings like us!” I explained to her later what we found so funny but not before we were practically on the floor laughing.

Whenever I want to drive home a point, like say talking to strangers etc., it does not register in Neha’s mind. She had this don’t-give-me-that-bull shit look. So I started this trend of telling stories about some character ( 100% non-existent) from my childhood who suffered because of not following the rules. I thought that it drove home the point better. One day I was telling her one such made-up story when she asked me, “Mamma, are any of your friends alive?? Everybody from your childhood seems to have died of something or the other.” And in fact the other day, it was my husband’s story telling time and I heard Neha tell him, “ Pappa, do you know that when mamma was a little girl, weird things happened to all her friends! Do you know any such stories?”

My younger brother, who Neha has minimal contact with, seems to be the sufferer in most stories related to handling sharp objects like scissors, kitchen knives etc. So just when she picked up a hammer the other day, I said, “Neha, put that down right away. You can get hurt real bad.” Her response left me wonder-eyed whether I should bother with such tactics any more. “What mamma? Did your brother get hurt with this too?”

Don’t laugh, you guys!! Life is cruel!

Lock n Key

2010-02-05T00:52:00.004-09:00

When we were getting this house done up, the carpenter asked what kind of locks we wanted on the cupboards in the bedrooms. I thought, ‘Why do we need locks on all the cupboards?’ This is our home, not some fortress. And then again, what do we have that needs to be kept under lock n key. “No. We have nothing to hide!”, I said And told him to forget locks on all cupboards and got him to fix locks only in our walk-in wardrobe area. Just in case we did want to keep something under lock n key. I was not being cheap here. I just thought there is no need to have a lock on a cupboard that is just going to house clothes. Stupid, stupid me!!!!

I did the same thing with the kitchen. Earlier the kitchen was a separate area with a door. But we thought it would be nice to have an open kitchen. So we broke the wall and removed the door. You cannot imagine how many times I have kicked myself for it.

What am I getting at here? That little imp called Neha is normally up to no good. Even in my sleep, I am conscious. Nothing, I tell you, nothing, escapes her eye.

I even have to guard silly things like band aids and ear buds. The other day Neha had this tiny hurt. It really wasn’t visible to the naked eye. I just pooh poohed it off. She turned for sympathy towards her father, who promptly had to show some sympathy. Neha insisted on a band aid and off they both went to get it. I heard this whole conversation and I realised with horror, what was about to happen. I screamed and ran. But before I could stop the man, they had accessed the one place Neha never knew about, and got the band aid. My husband looked at me like I lost my marbles. And Neha had a wicked grin. When I cut my finger yesterday, I had to borrow a band aid from my neighbor.

As Neha is growing up, I am realising the need for such hiding places. Now where am I supposed to hide band aids? My make-up stuff which comprises of one lip stick, one lip liner, one compact and one eye liner is constantly the target. I guard it with my life. I used to have several shades and hues, but I have given up. Well, I used to have one nail polish too. But I had to throw it out after repeated warnings, on not using it on her nails.

So also with the kitchen. She drives me crazy (and believe me when I tell you, crazy is a mild word) when I am cooking. How I miss that door to the kitchen! I can’t store any goodies at home. She will get to work the moment she senses an opportunity.

I keep an ear out, even when I am in the loo. You can’t imagine how sharp my ears are. I know exactly in what room she is and I would be shouting warnings from the loo. And to compliment my ears, she is quick and light on her feet. We have this cat and mouse game on the whole day! When I hit the sack, there is tremendous relief that the day has gone by and then the impending fear of what tomorrow will bring with it!

Neha and her cousin, Niharika.

Heroes then, now what?

2010-01-27T02:46:00.001-09:00

While it is a good thing to never to forget our past, our roots etc., I often find that we often walk forward carrying the burdens of the past. So most likely, we take two steps forward and three steps back. It really slows us down. I am no management whiz or ‘thinker’ but I don’t need to be, to realise that we are moving forward, yes, but at snail’s pace.

In India, as we work our way towards Independence Day, Republic Day etc., we have the newspapers looking into the past at how it has been during the pre-Independence times, the Republic days that followed etc. The newspapers will be full of the heroes of yesteryears. The other day, it carried news of such heroes. Ordinary people who went out of their way and did extraordinary things. They did what came to them in an instant and were soon catapulted to fame, awards and other rewards that came with the territory. As I read through the articles that spoke of the bravery of those children and how they stood up and took matters into their hands and went on to save lives (without giving a moments regard to their own safety), I was amazed. It truly is no small feat. God bless those little souls for what they did.

The article in Times of India said, “Every Republic Day, the nation honours some of its bravest children with medals and cash rewards. Paraded as role models, what becomes of them when the show is over?”

Those words, caught my attention. I hope I do not sound hard-hearted when I say this, “But what should happen to them?” They were given cash awards, certificates, medals and a chance to meet the Prime ministers and Presidents of their times. To me, that is not a small achievement either.

Why can we just not enjoy that experience and leave it at that? Does everything that follows later in life have to be in the shadow of that one brave act? Can we not move on normally after wards? Should everyone bow and lay flower petals under our feet as we walk forward? What is the expectation? Is it the press who over-hypes their achievements and get them to believe that from that moment on, only good things will happen? Who is responsible for leading those people to dream such grandiose dreams? The Press, their family? Who? They are made to believe that the rest of their living days can be spent in luxury, scholarships and out-of-turn promotions. A lazy life to be led in the glory of one achievement! And when things don’t happen as the have dreamed of, they go on to become pessimists. Bitter people who believe that no matter what, there is no good in this world.

I Freed Somebody Once!

2010-01-18T20:33:00.002-09:00

Ever so often I read posts that touch me profoundly. One such post was that by The Jungle Girl's Shenanigans, called ‘Race’, a beautifully written article where she touched upon the so-called ‘racism’ issue that India is blaming Australia for. When I read about the incidents that have been taking place, the first thought that occurs to me every single time is that : Why are the Indian people making it out to be a racism issue? There are so many such incidents all over the world. Why is the press blowing it out of proportion? Don’t they ever feel responsible for spreading hatred and ill-will?

In the same post, were some rather stark facts about other parts of the world which actually do oppress people and get away with it. The article focused on the blatant oppression, mainly of the people who work in the lower rungs of the working scenario, taking place in the United Arab Emirates. Here the passports are kept by the organization you work for. It immediately gives your employer the right to persecute as he pleases. You have to no choice but to comply with any injustices that is meted out to you.

I grew up in Dubai and also worked there for a while. Though I did not see too much injustice. I did feel threatened by the whole system. You feel trapped. If you do not like your job or have differences with your employer, you are most likely going to swallow your pride and stick around anyway. There are far too many complications involved and if they stamp your passport with any remarks, you are likely to be deported. But this is not what I wanted to write about.

It reminded me of an incident that I buried in the far corners of my mind. It reminded of an oppressor not as mighty as a sheikh of Dubai or anything, but an oppressor anyway. It reminded me of the fact that when you have been bullied, there are two roads that you can take: One which makes you an oppressor yourself and another which you will make sure that no one around you suffers such treatment.

I chose the second road. I am proud to say that I liberated somebody once. I put my neck on the line, knowing fully well that I would be dealt with severely if it came out in the open. Though I was very young at that time, I felt that it was better to punished than allow injustice to happen. I was about sixteen years old. My parents or rather my mom decided that we should have a maid at home. If you know the rules in Dubai, you must know that we have to obtain a visa to get somebody from another country. You have to stand guarantee for that person and it involves quite a bit of money too. They asked around there was this family friend who had a poor relative who was looking for a lucky break. That is how Suja came into our household. Suja’s relative lied to her and her mother that this would be a kind of stepping stone to better prospects. That since she was not so qualified to get a job in Dubai on her own steam, this entry to Dubai would allow her a break.

When you are subjected to harassment of any form, you tend to more mentally matured for your age, kind of like a survival instinct. I would often find Suja upset. She saw my condition at home and did not take her long enough to figure out that I was sinking in the same boat. She often told me that she was better off. She said that at least she did not feel as bad as I did because the person repressing me was my own mother. Anyway, I used to hear her out. She came from a poor background and came to Dubai looking for a job so she could help her family. As all ‘sheikhs’ do, her passport was seized. Her calls were monitored and so were her personal mail. She would keep her letters in her suitcase in a certain way only to find out later that it was tampered with. You don’t need to do more to make a person feel like a prisoner. Her letters to her home mainly talked about the weather and other mundane stuff. Her mom asked her for details and she was unable to spit the truth. Things began to get worse for Suja, she was not able to handle my mother’s caustic remarks and harsh behavior anymore. She would often go to sleep crying and praying for a miracle.

I then thought of a way to get Suja to write to her family about her plight. I gave my friend’s mailing address. Suja’s letters to her family were mailed out in a similar fashion. The agreement was clear. Suja was not to hoard these letters. They were to be destructed immediately. Ok, so that going normal communication going. But now, what?? How was Suja going to get out of the place? I had a brilliant idea. She wrote to her family to write in through proper channels that the mother was seriously ill. That she was needed home immediately. That set the ball rolling. Suja would wail loudly every once in a while. Then she made it clear that she would do something drastic if she was not sent home. That got my mom thinking. She tried to placate Suja with more empty promises. Suja assured my mother that she would be back soon. Then the day came when Suja was set free. I lost somebody who I could talk to. I knew that I would be back to feeling oppressed all by myself. But I thought: at least somebody got away. And if word ever got out that I had something to do with any of that, I would be dead meat. But then I was half-dead anyway. So be it.

As Suja packed up, there were many tears of gratitude. She apologized to me several times for not being able to do the same for me. She promised me that she would pray ardently for me. She felt terrible at having to leave me behind. Well Suja, I am physically (can’t say the same for my mental status as yet) free.

In my own small way, I gave somebody freedom. It feels very good even after so many years. As I carried those letters in and out, I have sweated buckets!! :D That is the thing about such situations, you tend to enjoy the thrill of living on the edge!! Every time you get away with it, it prompts you to try your hand at something else. It is no longer the end of the road, but the journey that holds more meaning.

Funny incidents

2010-01-08T02:09:00.001-09:00

The other day, I took Neha over to a friend’s house. In the main hall, there was this big treasure chest, a décor item. I was busy chatting away with my friend and Neha struck up a conversation with my friend’s 13 year old daughter, Nitya. Normally when Neha is in the same room as me, I am a lot calmer. You can see the tension in me when the radar cannot spot her. I can hardly have a sane conversation.

Anyways, the older girl was practically in splits over something Neha was saying. Now that Neha is vocal about everything, there is the added fear of family secrets tumbling out!!! :D Then Nitya tells us that Neha was telling her that if she opens the box (the treasure chest) there might be gold and precious stones in it. And that Nitya and her family will become super rich and when people from far and wide come to see the box, they will have $$ signs in place of eye balls!!!

It was all we needed to roll around and laugh. All the cartoons Neha watch are taking effect, these days. I do keep tabs but the other day she switched over to another channel, where a guy was making a missile out of his snort. He just kept blowing his nose till he had a sizeable amount, which he then rolled up and threw at somebody!! Yuck! How gross! Now I definitely don’t want her trying that out or even better inciting somebody to do it. Oh, Neha is famous for encouraging her friends to do weird stuff! :D

My friend told me how when Nitya was about Neha’s age and she clobbered her on the head with some toy of hers. You can imagine how it would feel if you are clobbered, unsuspectingly. Well, my friend was not amused either. When she asked Nitya why she did it, she said she saw that in a cartoon and she wanted to see stars and birds on top of her mom’s head when she got clobbered! :D

And another time, she saw Nitya sneaking around with something. When she tiptoed around to see what it was, she was sneaking eggs into her room. When my friend asked her what she was up to, she said that she was going to sit on them to get them to hatch!!! :D

We had such a hearty laugh over these kids. When some of these annoying things happen, it really is not funny. In fact, it is the opposite of funny. But later as you look back, you cannot help but laugh.

Neha has lots of hairclips in all shapes and sizes. One of her favourite past time about 2 years back, was to get a lot of these clips, get a comb and get to work on our hair. My husband used to be wary of just sitting around on weekends. Many a time people have walked into the house to find a very funny looking man. He would just throw his hands up in the air and everybody would understand. With my longer hair, it would be a nightmare to get the hair clips off.

One day, Neha came and sat behind me as I watched TV. And she began pressing these clips into the hair. Or so I thought. After about 20 odd clicks and maybe what really got me thinking was that the program I was watching was interrupted by ads. I was saying, “ Neha, enough already!” But she did not stop. Then I thought - Hey, how is she managing to pick up a clip and click it on my hair so fast and how many clips did she really get? And I turned back to find out the truth. She got the gas lighter, was placing it on my head and clicking it as I would on the gas stove!!!! I practically jumped and had the fright of my life!!! Neha was really amused. I made a mental note to keep gas lighter further away from reach.

Do any of you have any such funny incidents to share??

Christmas and after

2009-12-28T01:55:00.002-09:00

I just went through one of the busiest Christmas, ever!! There was just so much going on that I did not even have too much time to focus on the fact that I did not have internet. (Actually I did for a bit! I lashed about for quite a bit especially when I was running about organising the Christmas event) Yes. I organised a Christmas event for the complex. Well, I did not get to watch any of it, but everyone came around telling me what a great time they had and that was all I needed. I have this whole fixation about giving whatever I do, the personal touch. Even if I end up killing myself over it, it does have the ‘butterfly’ touch!!

We had a live Nativity scene, Carol singing, a play that I wrote which was a funny take on Noah’s plight as he was commissioned to build the ark. Then there were a couple of dances to popular Christmas songs, a Latin American dance. I ran about every evening to the venues which were assigned for rehearsals, making sure they stuck to the theme, helped with the costumes, picked up for stuff for Santa to give away, packed them into little bunches, Put up the tree for the complex. I did have help but the tiring part was finding help when I wanted it. I was mostly backstage, making sure everyone was ready for their act. It was exhausting, but fun. I was all over the place. Normally, we have the common set of faces who are participating in all the acts. But this time, I practically dragged kids out of their homes and assigned them to their programs. They were reluctant at first, but are beaming from ear to ear now!!

You thought I had enough of these kids?? Well, I thought so too! Then what was I thinking when I invited 14 of them over to my place for a Christmas party?? All that noise! I baked cakes, made sandwiches and some stuff which my daughter insisted that I make. I had asked all the parents ahead of time to send an appropriate gift (from Santa) for their kids. Placed all the stuff under the tree. You should have seen their faces as I called out their names. They were thrilled knowing that Santa got them just what they wanted. As an additional surprise, I handed them a bag of goodies, too! Yes, the butterfly touch! :D

We were to travel on Christmas and since all the agitation for a separate State is on, we cancelled our travel plans. We just called some people over (incidentally, they were not doing anything either) and we had an impromptu party. I was in a really joyful mood and threw myself into the kitchen to whip up some continental delicacies. French onion Soup, Garden salad with Olives and baby tomatoes, Baked vegetables in Spinach sauce, Chicken baked with macaroni and Black currant cheese cake added the very required festive touch. My guests were so happy to deviate from the traditional Indian menu that everything disappeared in no time, punctuated with praises.

Wow, I had some Christmas! Yeah, so what if I was cooking for most part of it. I made the most of the fact that I was not bed-ridden this year. I spent the last three Christmas’s in bed with some strange flu. 2009 was good to me.

I hope 2010 is as kind to me, if not better. I am hoping lady luck is setting better standards for herself. I wish you all a very wonderful 2010. May you all be blessed with good health, wealth, prosperity and happiness in the coming year. Happy New Year to all of you.

The week that was..

2009-12-02T01:22:00.003-09:00

Well, I just thought I would quickly put up a post in case the questions start pouring in. I am packed and headed to Vizag. We have a new addition to the family. A baby girl. She has the chubbiest cheeks! So here we are are, heading off to see her and her elated parents. Too bad it is just for a day and half.

Yes, Neha did get her Silver medal.

It is beginning to get rather cold. My daughter and I are on medication to tackle the nagging cold and cough that we have managed to contract from some place. If I though traveling was a bad deal, I always get to travel with a cold/allergy. For some crazy reason, just before I travel I fall sick. Just as I get a headache immediately after I have purchased tickets to a movie!

My yoga classes that were a boon to me has been canceled for this month. And just as quickly as it could, the pain in the neck is back. If I am under stress, the neck begins to hurt like crazy! My husband and his crazy working hours are back to haunt me. He leaves at 7:30 in the morning to get back only at 2:30 am. Yes, the next day. As many as hours as it is! I am just scrambling into bed and then up early again to make sure he has breakfast and pack lunch too. The crazy hours are getting to me. Of course, since he moved to a new department that caters to the Middle East, we don't have the normal Saturday and Sunday for weekends. So where does that leave me? Yes, I am on my way to loonyville! And to make things worse, the husband has been handed a Blackberry. He is annoying me with it. So if I thought he was really not there at home, every waking moment is being hogged by the Blackberry (nuisance!).

We have to leave in a little while and I am just hoping that we don't have to chase the bus that takes us. Wish me luck!

On a good note, the mood of the festive season is already settling in and I am so looking forward to the joy that Christmas brings! I just cannot believe that a whole year has gone by.

So, till I get back, you guys have a great time and don't miss me too much!! :D

P.s: Reflections- If you were expecting another post, I am sorta kinda done with that tag. I promise to put it up when I get back. :D

The Competitive Spirit

2009-11-23T04:00:00.000-09:00

My daughter had her first State Level Taekwondo tournament yesterday. She was one of the 12 students selected from a batch of 40. She was to report at 8:30 am. I woke up in the morning, feeling not so sure that I wanted her to do this. I went across to tell her trainer that she might be opting out. When I saw that a few of them were as young as her, I changed my mind, quickly paid up, got home, and got to the venue. I decided to hang around just in case she wanted to use the toilet etc. When I got there I realised that many of the kids from the complex were unaccompanied by their parents. I mean, what the hell could be more important than your kid. For crying out loud, it was a Sunday!!!!!!!!!!

Some of them turned a few hours later with hurriedly applied make up, as though somebody was shooting a movie on them. I think the worst thing that can happen to a kid is to feel unappreciated and unmotivated. There was no one to cheer the kids. Can you believe that I had to do it alone? I was on the cheering squad, then I am running around to give the kids a sip of water, then uplift their spirits by telling them that they are doing well. The opposition came out in large numbers and there was so much cheering for them. I really felt awful. I could see their spirits waning. I mean they were being kicked around badly. I had to hit the guy in front of me couple of times, almost yelling at him to cheer for the kids! I don’t think he will stand near me again. So what if the kid is not yours, can you not cheer for them?? Yeah, so what if his parents are at home busy stuffing their faces with dosa or whatever!

My daughter went on. She was faced with a total stranger. A bigger kid at that. She started off on a good note. But got kicked around, fell down and of all the things, began to cry!!! Poor thing! She refused to carry on. I told her that it was part of the deal and that she should have fought back. She thought she was going to be beaten up. Basically, she was not prepared. What demoralized her was that so much cheering was happening for the opponent, that she thought she already lost. I plan on doing something about that next time.

There was this other girl. I was not too sure what her parents were prepared for when the signed her up for taekwondo class. She is interested more in dance and is rather shy. You know the type. She was called for her round. Her opponent started kicking and this girl did nothing. The mother of the girl started protesting, “How can they do this?” Me being me, I held her back and told her, “You did not sign her up for ballet. This is how it is.” I could see from her expression that it did not go down well with her! Oooops!

Anyways, I am miffed with parents who cannot even come and encourage the kids when they appear for competitions. What kind of people are these? I end up at these events not just having my kid to take care of, but many others kids’ too. It is not fair on the kids. When they are appearing for sports like these, where minor injuries might occur, Parents should be around. If not for anything, it might just motivate the child to do better. It must have felt scary to them being in a strange place with so many new people. To make it all worse, the challenge of a competitions and opponents that looked like they were thirsty for blood! They really did look well prepared and came in a platoon!

So now, I am prepared to don the mantle of motivating the kids of the Taekwondo class, including my little girl, on how to face an opponent. Of course, I am going to do it in conjunction with the Master. Wish me luck. The kids of my complex will go better prepared next time. The next time round, they will be the once thirsty for blood!

Psssstttt…… I think my daughter got a silver medal!

Yipppeee!! Wooo Hooooooo!!!!

2009-11-14T08:41:00.003-09:00

I am on such an emotional high, so I thought I will blog about it before it loses steam and of course the magic of the moment. For the first time, I organized an event. I stay in a building complex of about 300 flats. We have a very cosmopolitan, multi-lingual and vibrant crowd of people staying here. Not to mention, extremely talented people from all walks of life. Today, November 14th being Children’s Day, I was asked to co-ordinate and conduct the Children’s Day program.

I was terribly nervous because I was given only a day and half’s notice for putting things together. And me being me, I cannot rest easy organizing a poor show, but with so little time at hand, I was sure that it will turn out pathetic. I told myself to stop cribbing and had a go at it. I quickly put together a short quiz, decided on two games that can be pulled off with a large number of kids. The easiest to get away with is Musical Chairs but as we were about to announce it, I realized that the chairs were not available. So I quickly tweaked it to Four Corners! The kids enjoyed themselves thoroughly. I asked a friend of mine to emcee the event for me. When she dropped by my place this afternoon, she was still not too sure that it was a good idea. I had to really coax her, and now, she is grinning from ear to ear and has thanked me profusely for pushing her into it!!! :D

It was a runaway hit, guys!! It shaped up so well. My friend did a fabulous job with the emceeing. In the beginning, I was so disappointed that I did not even bother to dress up well. I just wanted to get the whole thing over with. Anyway, I had to just run around so I thought I was dressed just fine. And I did do a lot of running back and forth.

We had a celebrity for the Chief Guest, too. He has just sung a fabulous super hit song for a Tollywood (our local Hollywood!) movie. He sung and entertained the kids (and the bigger kids like me, too) and gave away prizes. All in all, it turned out to be a great event. The kids enjoyed themselves, danced and participated in huge numbers (and I was worried about a poor turnout). It was all very overwhelming. The compliments and praises have been pouring in. So many people, so many compliments, it felt really good. I missed my dear friends Uma (and her two beautiful girls) and Vaishali!! They would have been the happiest for me.

I am going to be grinning in my sleep.

For the past few days, my daughter has been struggling with a very complicated problem. She says that she has many friends and she was wondering which one of them she should marry. Today, she was totally in awe of Anuj (the Chief Guest). On the way back, she declared that she was going to marry him!!! :D My husband told her that he is already married. To which she had a response that has left us poor-witted parents wide-eyed !!!! The kids of today have it all sorted out!

Edited to add:

When we told Neha that the guys was already married, we (at least I) quite expected her to say: " That's OK! We can all be married!"

But her response was rather well thought out and came in a jiffy. She said:"Oh! When they grow old, sometimes the lady might die before he does. Then I will marry him!"

Can you beat that??!!!

You can imagine the shock on our faces!!

All in a days work!

2009-11-12T01:03:00.004-09:00

Ok, you guys, I am going to blow my own trumpet a bit now. But let me tell you now itself that what I am about to say has a good moral to it!

I received an awesome compliment a few days back. A lady (she is more an acquaintance than a friend). I see her around, as brings her daughter to the sand pit. I am almost a fixture on that sand pit. I am there EVERYDAY! Not to keep an eye on my daughter, but to protect the other kids from her! (Yeah, she gets weird ideas and manages to convince all the other kids that it is the way to go). Anyways, I did chat with this lady a couple of times. I have this way of getting through to people and making them feel like chatting. You will be amazed at the insights I receive on their life at the first meeting! :-D

Back to the lady. She walks up to me as I was chatting with another friend and she says: “Whenever I see Butterfly (I feel really weird addressing myself this way, but please bear with me!), I feel a lot of energy. She has that kind of effect on people.”

Butterfly’s all embarrassed and totally unprepared to receive compliments. If she had told this to me when I was alone, I would have said : Thank you. But there was this other lady around, and I am at a loss for words.

Lady (am so totally unable to recall her name) goes on without realizing that I am embarrassed: “Butterfly, you told me something amazing. It has brought such a change in my attitude. It is very visible to those around me and I have been receiving compliments for the same. I am really happy that I listened to you!”

At this point, I have started turning beet (If that is possible!) obviously nervous at what I might have told her.

Lady: “Butterfly told me that amongst all that I do, I must learn to live for myself too. And from that day on, I have lived a little for myself too. It has changed my outlook completely. I am happier now. I am so thankful to you, Butterfly!”

I guess the lady must have ranted about how there is no time to do anything with caring for her two kids and husband. And I must have given her this advice. I believe in it. I feel that if we do not live for ourselves too, everything else we do will seem like a mundane chore. I tell people that we should do the best in what we were called to do. If it is cooking for your family, do it the best way you can. And at some point in the day, take a little time out for yourself. To maybe just read a book. Whatever. But you must do it.

Also, my everyday life is spent towards making the world around me a better place. In my own little ways. I almost go at it like I am being paid a hefty salary for it! I am focused on improving the quality of my life and those around me. Yes, I do have my moments too, when I feel defeated and depressed. But not for long. My irrepressible spirit fights back and I spring back, happy as ever!

You will often find me carting my friends back and forth on chores. When I head out, I check with people if they have anything to accomplish on that route. I usually have other people’s tiny grocery lists too, as I head to the grocery store. At any given point in time, I baby sit at least 4 kids. There are kids buzzing around me all the time. Though their respective mothers are around, they seem to want to share their stories with me. Half the time I tearing my hair out with all their chatter. Non-stop chatter. I shoo them away and in a minute, they are back. I give up! Many people are often confused as to how many kids I actually have.

My friends refer to me as their ‘F1’ key. Incase people around me have any queries (and you will be surprised at the queries) they check in with me. I am the unofficial : real estate agent, baby sitter, Taxi operator, psychologist, communicator, cookery consultant (and most often, cook too), party organizer (in addition to this, I have to come up with a suitable gifting idea too. And yes, I also buy the gift!), event organizer, motivator, care taker of homes/plants/pets when people take vacation, custodian of keys (I have at least 8 sets of duplicate keys belonging to my friends’ apartments), medical consultant and above all, a friend, to all my friends. While I am at it, I make sure that my home, husband and kid don’t suffer the brunt of my social activities.

One any given day, I am flitting from one cause to the other. My friends know that they can never get a half-baked job out of me. My close friends often laugh at me. They tell me that people are using me. What I tell them is that I am there for people if they need me. I can’t say ‘no’ if people need my help. Most days, I am overwhelmed. And most times, I do not know whether I am going or coming.

I am currently working real hard on a friend who is stuck in a rut. She is unsatisfied with a lot of things in her life and I am helping her appreciate what she has. I am happy to say that she has improved leaps and bounds and seems much happier these days. She is keeping me posted on the improvements and how it is changing her perspective.

I am not professionally qualified in any of the areas I mentioned above, but people rely on me. Because, I give of myself. I am focused on touching people’s lives and what I get out of it is intangible. And that my friends, is the moral of the story. Giving of yourself. There is tremendous happiness in that. If I can motivate more people to do the same, I know that I am successful in my endeavor. That of helping to make this world a better place! It’s worth the try, that’s for sure!

I try and be the change I want to see!

Playing Footsie

2009-10-31T22:54:00.005-09:00

When I went for my daughter's last PTA, along with the progress report, we were given a discount coupon from a recently opened Beauty Salon. The salon was run by the parents’ of my daughter’s classmate. Being more interested in the matter at hand, I just shoved the coupon into my purse. I am not much into these salons. I have a lady who comes home and takes care of my basic beauty requirements (how cool is that!!!). It is only for pedicures that I venture out of my comfort zone. I can be considered the resident expert on pedicures offered by the salons in my area.

So here I am, aching for a pedicure and this new salon has been calling out to me. With my husband doing the babysitting, I darted off to this salon with my neighbor N (who happens to be rather new to the city). I told N that being a Pratyusha (my daughter’s school) mom entitles me to a discount. I was delirious with joy to discover that it was a 50% discount!! After the exchange of pleasantries, we settled down to business. There were two pedicure stations set up side by side. At the initial glance I knew something was amiss. But I guessed that they would work it out. I don’t really like to jump the gun and create a fuss. So patiently I waited as the procedure began. I could immediately make out that the two stations were distinctly different from the other. And so were the people attending to us.

I had a basin to soak my feet. By the time the lady filled the basin and went back to heat more water, it would already be cold. I was slowly boiling with anger. Then she began scrubbing. I had to tell her to stop, for fear that she was skinning me. It hurt that much. Then the cleaning under the nails felt almost as if she was trying to scoop out my nails. I had a clear understanding of what it must have felt like in a ‘concentration camp’! It just went on and on this like this. Then she gets up, tells me that her client has come ( duh, what was I??) and hands me over to another lady. This old and skinny lady looked like she would die as she massaged (and clawed) at my legs. I actually asked her to stop. Then she started clumping the nail polish on my nails. I just could not take it anymore, asked her to stop and told her that my 5-year old can apply nail paint better. Yes, I was pissed!

While I was being subjected to this obvious torture, I saw my friend relaxing at her station with a magazine in hand, totally enjoying herself. The seat she, had that bubbling hot water contraption, a holder to rest the leg for scrubbing. And the quality of the pedicure itself was so different and meticulous (the resident expert is talking!!!). She finished off by wiping her leg and feet with a wet hot towel and applied the nail paint with love. Witnessing this preferential treatment, was painful. I was contemplating on letting the owner know what I felt about her Salon.

As we footing the bill, without even checking, she applied a blanket discount too. So not only did my friend get the better end of the deal, she walked away with a discount too!!! Yes, my life sucks!! Hey, I have nothing against my friend getting the discount, but look at my rotten luck!!

The reason I am not really big into discounts is because I always end up regretting it. If it is a product/equipment, it won’t last. If it is a dress, u can bet your ass that it will tear/is already torn/ or won’t survive the first wash. Once recently, I had visited another new beauty salon for a pedicure (yeah, I like the works when it comes to pedicure and besides I don’t do it as often as I would like to. So I really have big expectations of this). The pedicure was awesome. The lady told me that I am entitled to a free facial. I declined the offer. The lady got slightly offended and told me that I should not consider it so-so, just because it is free. I still declined. No free stuff for me. Thanks. What is the point in having nice feet and scarred face. No thanks! I must have looked like a jack ass to her!!! I mean, who does not like freebies. But it just does not work for me. The moment I see the word ‘free’, I am sure there is something wrong with it!

My question to you is: Would you go back and give the owner of that Salon a dressing down? What would you say? I am contemplating between never going back and going back, letting her have it, and making it work for me.

P.S: Now you would say: Serves you right! Why don’t you find a nice salon and stick to it? Well, these places were much closer home. Since time is always a scarcity for me, a parlor near-by, is always better.

P.S again: When my friend and I were leaving the salon after that eventful pedicure, the lady handed us compliments. My friend opened her pack. It was a mirror case. Since we got the same thing, I did not bother opening. Much later when I did open it, one mirror came off in my hand!! Stop laughing, you guys!!! Don’t laugh at my misery! Stop it, NOW!!!

P.S: yet again: For all those who read this post because of the title, shame on you!!!

Why don't Indians give back to society?

2009-10-18T19:53:00.003-09:00

This author has echoed a lot of thoughts that I have been wrestling with for a long time now. Please do read till the end and very carefully with an open mind. The question asked in the beginning had the hit-me-in-the-face kind of effect when I read all the way till the end and read the answer!

DO YOU FULLY AGREE WITH THIS AUTHOR?

Why Indians don’t give back to society

By Aakar Patel, Mint, July 4, 2009

Some characteristics unite Indians.
The most visible is our opportunism

Why don’t we worship Brahma? We know he’s part of the Hindu trinity as the creator, but we worship Vishnu, manager of the cosmos, and Shiva, its eventual destroyer. The answer lies not in religion, but in culture. But in what way does our religion shape our culture?

Weber explained the success of capitalism in the US, Germany and Britain as coming from their populations’ Protestant faith. This ethic, or culture, was missing from the Catholic populations of South America, Italy and Spain. Protestants, Weber said, extended Christianity’s message of doing good deeds, to doing work well. Industry and enterprise had an ultimate motive: public good. That explains the philanthropists of the US, from John D. Rockefeller to Andrew Carnegie to Bill Gates.

What explains the behaviour of Indians? What explains the anarchy of our cities? To find out, we must ask how our behaviour is different.

Some characteristics unite Indians. The most visible is our opportunism. One good way to judge a society is to see it in motion. On the road, we observe the opportunism in the behaviour of the Indian driver. Where traffic halts on one side of the road in India, motorists will encroach the oncoming side because there is space available there. If that leads to both sides being blocked, that is fine, as long as we maintain our advantage over people behind us or next to us. This is because the other man cannot be trusted to stay in his place.

The Indian’s instinct is to jump the traffic light if he is convinced that the signal is not policed. If he gets flagged down by the police, his instinct is to bolt. In an accident, his instinct is to flee. Fatal motoring cases in India are a grim record of how the driver ran over people and drove away.

We show the pattern of what is called a Hobbesian society: one in which there is low trust between people. This instinct of me-versus-the- world leads to irrational behaviour, demonstrated when Indians board flights. We form a mob at the entrance, and as the flight is announced, scramble for the plane even though all tickets are numbered. Airlines modify their boarding announcements for Indians taking international flights.

Our opportunism necessarily means that we do not understand collective good. Indians will litter if they are not policed. Someone else will always pick up the rubbish we throw. Thailand’s toilets are used by as many people as India’s toilets are, but they are likely to be not just clean but spotless. This is because that’s how the users leave them, not the cleaners.

The Indian’s reluctance to embrace collective good hurts his state. A study of income-tax compliance between 1965 and 1993 in India (Elsevier Science/Das- Gupta, Lahiri and Mookherjee) concluded that “declining assessment intensity had a significant negative effect” on compliance, while “traditional enforcement tools (searches, penalties and prosecution activity) had only a limited effect” on Indians. The authors puzzled over the fact that “India’s income tax performance (was) below the average of countries with similar GDP per capita”.

We do not think stealing from the state is a bad thing, and our ambiguity extends to corruption, which also we do not view in absolute terms. Political parties in India understand this and corruption is not an issue in Indian politics. Politicians who are demonstrably corrupt, recorded on camera taking a bribe or saying appalling things, or convicted by a court, can hold legitimate hope of a comeback—unthinkable in the West.
The opportunist is necessarily good at adapting, and that explains the success of Indians abroad. We can follow someone else’s rules well, even if we can’t enforce them at home ourselves. The Indian in the US is peerless at the Spelling Bee because the formula of committing things to memory, which in India passes for knowledge, comes naturally to him. But this talent for adapting and memorizing is not the same as a talent for creation.

The question is: Why are we opportunists?

In his great work Crowds and Power, Elias Canetti observed that the rewards religions promised their faithful were all far off, in the afterlife. This is because a short goal would demand demonstration from god and create skeptics instead of believers. There is an exception to this in Hinduism. Hinduism is not about the other world. There is no afterlife in Hinduism and rebirth is always on earth. The goal is to be released entirely and our death rites and beliefs -- funeral in Kashi -- seek freedom from rebirth.

Christianity and Islam are about how to enter heaven; Hinduism is about how not to return to earth, because it’s a rotten place. Naipaul opens his finest novel with the words “The world is what it is”, and Wittgenstein ( “The world is all that is the case”) opens his Tractatus similarly.

Hinduism recognizes that the world is irredeemable: It is what it is. Perhaps this is where the Hindu gets his world view -- which is zero-sum -- from. We might say that he takes the pessimistic view of society and of his fellow man. But why?

The Hindu devotee’s relationship with god is transactional: I give you this, you give me that. God must be petitioned and placated to swing the universe’s blessings towards you. God gives you something not through the miracle, and this is what makes Hinduism different, but by swinging that something away from someone else. This is the primary lesson of the Vedic fire sacrifice. There is no benefit to one without loss to another. Religion is about bending god’s influence towards you through pleas, and appeasement, through offerings.

Society has no role in your advancement and there is no reason to give back to it (in any way, including leaving the toilets clean behind you) because it hasn’t given you anything in the first place. That is why Indian industrialists are not philanthropists. Rockefeller always gave a tenth of his earnings to the Church, and then donated hundreds of millions, fighting hookworm and educating black women. Bill Gates gave $25 billion (around Rs1.2 trillion), and his cause is fighting malaria, which does not even affect Americans. Warren Buffett gave away $30 billion, almost his entire fortune. Andrew Carnegie built 2,500 libraries. Dhirubhai Ambani International School has annual fees starting at Rs47,500 (with a Rs 24,000 admission fee) and Mukesh Ambani’s daughter was made head girl.

An interesting thing to know is this: Has our culture shaped our faith or has our faith shaped our culture? I cannot say. To return to the question we started with: Why is Brahma not worshipped? The answer is obvious: He has nothing to offer us. What he could do for us, create the universe, he already has. There is no gain in petitioning him now.

We Indians have to look inward. I have read a lot of mails in this regard which asks us to look inward and treat the world around us with care, not careless abandon! Like I tell my husband, we, each one of us, have to change ourselves from within for the collective good. We cannot always standby and blame the guy before us for littering. The general tendency is to think : This place is already dirty. My wrapper cannot do anymore harm. Or, why should I raise my voice against this injustice? See the crowd. They are not saying anything. Let us stick with the popular notion on this. Guys, every time we are faced with corruption or littering or the general welfare of the world around us, let us raise our voice, even if it is feeble. Somebody else might take courage too and soon, it will be a shout loud enough to be heard and reckoned with!

Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to hurt religious sentiments and does not intend to target any community in particular either.

Did I just go on a vacation?

2009-10-06T02:51:00.005-09:00

I happen to personally know a travel coordinator from hell! Unfortunately I happen to have used his services for five years now. Time and time again, I think that maybe I should just give him one more chance. Well, I just happened to give him that last chance. He screwed up so bad, that I have decided never to use his services. Ever again!

I have mentioned before about that fact that I am geographically challenged. So when it comes to travelling, I rather rely on somebody else. I know nothing about train routes and stuff. In fact, I hate trains. I can go one step further and safely say that I loathe travelling in them. I don’t mind those sitting journeys, but those overnight trips can really make me edgy. I prefer bus journeys, may be because the stinky toilets are not stuck to it. About a day before a train journey, the eating and drinking almost comes to a halt. I can assure you that in the past 5 days, I must surely not have consumed more than 500 ml of water.

I travelled to Mumbai. Was it that much awaited vacation? NO!!! I just want to pretend that the last 5 days did not happen. I cannot believe that we spend 5 days and a certainly ridiculous amount of money for nothing. The whole journey and the experiences amounted to almost nothing. So, now I am seething, knowing that, 5 days and a lot of money was wasted and I did not have that vacation that I so craved. It was terrible from the word go. By now you must have understood that I was dragged into this trip. There was a lot of emotional crap heaped on me and how I was not understanding why I should travel etc.

Like I said, I was on the edge. Once we got off the train, I told myself to stop cribbing and try and enjoy myself. I was really kidding myself. The accommodation that we ‘had’ to stay in was not really confirmed. We did not carry the address either, so we were at the mercy of the cab driver. And in a place like Mumbai, they fleece you like crazy. They can sniff an outsider. Mind you this was at 4:30 am. Now that we did not have a place to stay, we had to hunt for one. We did. And it was pathetic for the price we were paying.

Then we ‘had’ to travel on the local train. I was told that in Mumbai, you ‘must’ travel on the locals or you have not really experienced Mumbai. Well, if you ask me, I could really have done without that ‘experience’. The weather was humid, I just wanted to tear my clothes and get into a jeans n tee. But then, what am I thinking. What would the people we visit think about me! Ooops!

This gentleman that we visited was ill and his doctors have told his family that he is slipping away. Much as I felt sorry for him and his family, I had to acknowledge the fact that this man was just a neighbor to my in-laws. Yup! We went all the way to meet a neighbor! We travelled more than 2 days on stinky trains, paid hotel fare for 3 days, and what not, to see a neighbor. Can u imagine to what lengths we might go had he been a relative?? I shudder to think.

We just travelled to far and wide places in Mumbai, meeting people we could have really done without meeting. There was no time to shop or sightsee. Actually I did not care for it either. I just wanted out. I craved for those few trips that I made with my friends, where I could soak in the rain; dip into a pond, without a care. Then, it did matter how we got to our destination. Now, I have to watch what I eat, where I go, how I go etc, courtesy the fact that I have a kid. Then the whole thing of swine flu was looming large. I was worried sick.

The journey back was ridiculous. You see, we had waitlisted tickets, a fact that was kept hidden from me. We left the hotel at 10 am on Sunday, only to reach home the next day at 1 pm. We had to get off the train at 5 pm on Sunday in Pune because we did not have confirmed reservations. I was told that there are numerous buses that ply from there to Hyderabad. But as luck would have it, we managed to get tickets on the worst bus in the world, which was to depart at 7:30 and which finally started at 10 pm.

You must be wondering who is my travel coordinator, right? Well, that amazing person is my husband! Don’t laugh, you guys!!! I thought he might compliment me in the one area where I admit some weakness, i.e., travelling. According to his tales, he practically grew up travelling on trains and he knows many places like the back of his hand. Well, it looks like I have to invest in an atlas some travel books and some time on the internet if I have to travel ever again. Nope this travel coordinator is surely going to go out of business! I am not buying his plans, ever again!

Edited to add :

Shopping? You must be kidding. Where was the time? If you can count buying slippers to replace your broken one, then yes, I have shopped! We were so busy travelling like mad people from one end of Mumbai to another. I mean, none of the people we visited felt even remotely sorry for us knowing that we were travelling with an old lady and a young kid. They should have agreed to meet out. If I describe one of the eating experiences I had at a friends house, you' d really feel sorry for us. And the distance we had to travel to get there! Wow!

We did have a meal at the Leopold cafe and saw the Taj, both of which were vandalised by terrorists in November 2008. Leopold is back in business and there were those few tell-tale signs of bombs and gun shots. Sitting there, I realised how vulnerable the whole situation was.

I did not mention Neha on purpose. If there was ever a strain on our relationship, it happened this time. She really went berserk with all the travelling and the bad food. She practically lived on chocolates which gave rise to other issues. Travelling was a total nightmare. For some reason, my M-I-L who normally does not interfere when I disciplined Neha, decided to act up and interfered like crazy. So, every time I said no to a particular thing, that thing was promptly handed over by my M-I-L or husband. It did not take my tantrum free child too long to figure out how it works. She began daring me to try and discipline her. By the end of the trip, Neha even vocally said that she does not like me. It broke my heart.

When we got back, I had to really put my foot down and enforce some serious discipline. I am having to balance discipline and love very precariously now. It will take me a while to get things back in order. I am really fatigued in many ways. I am emotionally and physically strained by this trip.

Did you have a friend like this? Hopefully not!

2009-09-28T02:34:00.002-09:00

When you have fun, it surely cannot be completely wiped out from your memory in the near future, right? As time passes, the exact details might be hazy, but the fact that you’ve had loads of fun will be retained, right? Well, when I have asked people this, the answer has always been - yes. And when I see photographs put up by friends, of their childhood days, well, they seem to have had fun!

Why is it then that when I try and recall childhood days of fun, all it draws is a blank?? Can you just imagine how horrible that feels? When a childhood friend told me about how much fun it was to be around me in school, all I could tell her was they were stolen moments. I asked her to tell me more. She told me that I was popular and fun. She had no idea as to the amount of pain that I had to mask to get a smile on my face back then. I had to be terribly brave to mask the sadness and just breathe the few hours that I spent at school. There again, it was not that simple.

There was this girl called S, same age as me, who went to school with me. She was the daughter of my mother’s friend (the local bitch. S was a chip of the old, ugly block. Unfortunately, since we lived in the same neighborhood, we even traveled to school by the same bus. Fortunately, we did not have to share the same classroom. Thank God for that!

S used to keep a track of me. Frankly, I do not know what she had against me. The only thing was that, she was a bit on the heavier side. Not that I ever called her fat. Now S would get back home and relate the days events to her mom, adding her own bit of spice. And all hell would break loose in my house. Not once, not even the teeniest tiniest once, did I ever squeak on her. She did tons of stuff that would get her in trouble. But I never ratted on her. Maybe it was because I did want another person to go through what I did. Maybe it was because my mother would not believe me. Maybe I did not care anymore. Whatever the reasons, I just never served her up for trouble. But S did so time and again, knowing really well how it would affect me. Can you believe that I was ordered not have any friends other than S?? Every evening would be spent in fear as soon as that friend of my mother would call. And the best part was that, my mother thought that S was such a nice person to bitch about her friends to her mom. I would be scolded for not ratting on my friends. But I never shared that kind of rapport with my mom. All she was waiting for, was a mistake from my mouth. But if S would have told it like it is, things might have been different. She usually would add a little extra to make it look worse. So that the limelight is off her!

I went through a friend’s childhood photos recently. I looked on wonderingly as her childhood unfolded before me. The terrible sadness that enveloped me, as I went through her birthday parties through the years, pajama parties, Meeting friends at each others houses, swimming trophies, karate classes, trips to the park, school events at which she won prizes, was unbearable. It hit me that this girls and scores of others around me lived a normal fun-filled childhood. We went to the same school, which means that we got back home at the same time. But despite that, there were so much else to their life that made such a colorful picture in my bleak black and white life. All I could after school, was wait for the rest of the day to unfold, take all the verbal and physical abuse, wait for the day to end and look forward to the few hours of school the next day. Away from home. Away from the pain. Just for a while. As you can imagine, I HATED holidays. School vacations were two months of unimaginable boredom. I would never tell if I was sick, because I did not want to miss school. I could not bear to be at home.

I had written earlier about how my friends shared a rapport beyond school and college. So I was always this person who was looking in from the outside. Though I was happy for them, more often their ramblings about how much fun they had at the party etc, would be like molten wax in my ears.

Now I look back with the horrible realization that my childhood years have slipped by me, without a trace of fun. I want it back! I want those photographs too. Photographs that speak of the fun I had. Yes, I want it. It is not enough if I just see my daughter or the other kids around me have fun. I want to run around with careless abandon. I want close friends with whom I have shared fun with.

Now when I see pictures of S, knowing that she went to college and stayed in a hostel, she made all the right career moves, is globe trotting while she was responsible for making my life so difficult, I cannot help but feel the pain and the anger that stems from it. I am not unhappy where I am, but the fact that I could have studied further, explored the world beyond the home, really, really hurts, She was having fun while I was busy shielding myself from pain and trying to barely survive.

Is it wrong to feel that way? I know I have repressed anger. But I don’t make an issue out of it in my daily life. But it does surface once in a while like this. Yes, I will try not to go through photo albums titled “Nostalgia” or the “The Fun Days” Or “Carefree Yesteryears”. I will steer clear of such things that will cause me to go through such emotions. :D

Maybe you guys can tell me how I should have kicked S’s ass! Should I tell her what a pain she was?

Anchor Ahoy!

2009-09-23T19:27:00.002-09:00

There are some people who change their location very frequently or in some cases, often enough. Legend has it that such people have the formation of circles under their big toe (like how finger prints have ridge and circle formations etc). Such people apparently are always on the move. Well, me thinks mine has the formation of an anchor! A heavy one at that!

When I was courting my, then boyfriend, now husband, I hardly got to see him because of his travel. He was either in the US or UK. When our wedding date was announced, the first thing that happened was that, the department he was working with, got scrapped, and he was realigned to a desk job. My anchor kicked in by then already! :D I had by then, daydreamed about taking a break from work and traveling around the world. Fat chance of that happening. And just when I was about to travel on work to the UK, I got pregnant! But while my anchor anchors me, it has a total opposite effect on those around me. Magnetic polarity or some such thing.

Of late, I have noticed an alarming trend. I have realized that as I get close to somebody, they relocate. All those who want to relocate, please form a queue. I am going to charge from now on. I will try and make some money in my misery! :D Much like the Visa God!! Ha! Ha!

A few days back, my dear friend, Uma, broke the news to me that she is relocating to Chennai. From then, people have been asking me, how I am taking it. Well, I have taken the hit 4-5 already in the past year. I am kind of used to it now. I have made scores of friends who have been scattered to all parts of the world. It is becoming increasingly difficult to keep track of all these people. And now I am beginning to get confused as to who I knew from where. Old age, I guess!

Jokes apart, I am going to miss Uma. It is good fun to have her around. Though we are of the same age, she married early and has two teenage daughters. While I, have a 5-year old. She is my ready reckoner on a lot of topics including parenting. But of course, her kids were (and are) a lot calmer. And she often has her head in her hands as she hears of Neha’s latest capers. We hit it off well on many grounds, be it cooking or shopping or whatever. We would even dislike the same kind of people. And whenever something odd or funny happens near us, all we had to do was exchange glances and we would have a great laugh over it later! It is amazing how she combines old world charm and modernity with so much ease.

Neha was so upset when she heard they are moving. She said, “What is this, mamma? Everybody is going. Let us also move to America!” America is the ultimate destination for her. First I have to unhook that anchor! Lemme get working on that first! Too bad we cannot change our finger prints! :D

No Kidding!

2009-09-18T01:24:00.001-09:00

I had to put aside the current post I was working on to respond more capably to Bones’ post on - Disciplining Children Means our Love is Conditional. I love topics on parenting. There are so many times that I have drawn inspirations from the blogging world on parenting. I could not have done justice to what I have to say with just a comment on Bones’ page. So here goes:

This is purely my take on this topic. I draw my inspiration from life itself. I read up too. But then you have to learn to absorb what best suits you and your family. And forget the rest. I am not the perfect parent. But I am the best parent my daughter could have. Since my daughter is a combo of my husband and I with a lot of genetic inputs from our respective families, there can be nobody better than us to parent our child. That is, provided we have taken stock of our strengths, weaknesses, habits etc. Chances are, that our daughter will be a decent combination of the two of us. As my daughter is growing and presenting her various facets, I know I cannot afford to be too angry with her as her genes are reinforcing their presence! But I cannot let go either. So I try and look for a suitable solution to the problem.

When I became a parent, I knew and understood the huge responsibility that was handed over to me. I knew it will be overwhelming at times. I knew that I might make mistakes (I have made some awful ones, for which I berate myself every time) and that it was OK. Nobody is scoring us. But at the same time, negative styles of parenting (repeated over a period of time) can result in behavioral issues in children. But if you realize early on that a particular style of parenting is wrong, or if it is not giving the desired results, put an end to it immediately.

I have a sincere belief on parenting and my parenting style is modeled around this belief. I firmly believe that as long as your child KNOWS with every cell in her body that you love her, there is just no way that you can have a negative impact on her. Some tactics work on some kids while other tried and tested tactics fail miserably. Just focus on building a super-strong foundation for the kids and that is the only thing in the world that a child will get back to in times of doubt. I believe this very strongly. You would know the most perfect approach to parenting your kids. You have to love your kids with your whole heart, lay a strong foundation for them to work on and leave the rest to them to fine tune as they see fit, when they are adults. The one focus I have as I am bringing up Neha is that I want her to know that she is loved, truly and deeply (no matter what), and that nothing or nobody can take away from it.

Also, if each and every one of us who decide to step into parenthood, step into with our eyes wide open, we would do a lot better. There are many things that we have to handle as it is dealt our way. But not the whole aspect of parenthood itself. Getting back to my belief system, If we all focus on raising a morally and socially responsible child, the world would be a better place. Yes, we have to function within our means. Love, unconditional (and loads of it, mind you) cannot be replaced with anything. You will just be kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

Party Hearty

2009-09-16T02:07:00.000-09:00

Yesterday, I attended a really lame birthday party. I thought I must blog about this and get it out of my system. My five-year old does not need me around. But I make it a point to attend a few parties with her. The rest she attends by herself. Now which ones do I attend with her? The ones where I have a bunch of friends coming to, or the ones where the hostess requires a bit of help or the ones where the house is filthy. The one I attended yesterday, fell into the last category. I cringe at having to sit in that house. The fact that balloons were put up, did not take away from the fact that the dining table on which the cake was cut was dusty, filthy and messed with things don’t require to be on the dining table. And the wash basin was a potential breeding place for a lot of diseases. As I am typing this post and recalling the way the house looked, I am shaking with disgust.

The hostess is a rather good friend of mine and I cannot, not send my kid, if you know what I mean. So I attend this do and keep an eye on my kid. Just to make sure she gets a clean plate and glass and that she washes her hands. Ok, so the stuff she gets to eat at the party is as thoughtless as the party itself. But I have learnt to let go. Now you ask, “What kind of good friend are you, when you cannot even tell your friend that she disgusts you in this way?” Well, on my part, I did try. Tried to tell her that some place that I visited was rather dirty and the kids are always sick because of it (By the way, her kids always have stomach ailments and cold/fever). What do you think her reaction was? Well, she was disgusted right along with me, and went on to extol the virtues of cleanliness! So much for trying.

You see, if it was just messy, I could deal with it. It is the filth that I cannot ignore. Then another time (one of the many times I have had these discussions with her) I put it across saying that no matter how sick I am feeling, I make it a point to try and clear up the mess at home. Well courtesy that, I have been labeled a cleanliness freak, somebody with border line OCD even! She tells me that I can fall really sick if I carry on this way!

Considering that the world has been in recession for a while, I have been thinking about all the frivolous and stupid things we do, that can be given a miss. One of the things that I felt strongly about was the return gifts (party favors) that are given at birthday parties. I don’t know which nut started this trend and why it has been carried on. I have not seen a more meaningless act of giving. The giver and the receiver know that the party favor idea and the gift selected out of sheer lack of thought is so lame, but nobody has the will to put an end to it. Have mercy people! Nobody (and when I say nobody, I mean nobody) can stand those crappy Chinese-made toys (Chinese people, don’t take offence. I totally love you guys) that don’t work or that die an untimely death after the first attempt at working. And what about those cheap lunch boxes made of cheap plastic. I mean, how many lunch boxes can a kid have?? And don’t even get me started on the pencil boxes ( Did I hear many sighs of disgust?). The pencils don’t write and cannot be sharpened because the plastic coating starts to peel and comes in the way of the sharpener doing an effective job(which by the way, it may do just once). The eraser will just spread the black of the lead across the page. And the ruler, can’t even reach the length of a small note book. Clearly it was made to fit into the miniature case that comes with it. These gifts look really good in my dustbin. What a waste of money. Donate to the poor, guys!

Then the other day, I went to a party. I might have to go back there and retrieve my jaws from their lawn. The frivolousness of the whole do was amazing. They had done up the lawns in pink and white. There were tables and chairs that were draped across the back with huge pink bows. Frilly centre pieces with Disney characters (the princess variety). Huge cutouts. Crazy number of balloons in pink and white and a crazy number of helium balloons with the kids name printed on it. There were a lot of crowns and wands being handed out. In addition to all this, there was a tattoo artist, a juggler guy, and one of those huge, deflate able, jumping things. The party favor was a frivolous as frivolous can be. There was a photographer clicking away. I thought to myself that they must have some underground storage space where they can afford to store the hundreds of pictures the guys was clicking! Then I found out. As we left, the hostess handed me a picture of my daughter, framed and handed to me in a pink, frilly bag with Disney characters! That was truly the icing on the cake! The kid was just five years old. Can you imagine what they have to do to outdo this party?? Imagine the impression it made on the minds of the other kids! What a waste of money! Donate to the poor, guys!

In a bid to save a lot of people from wasting their time and money, I have decided to stop giving party favors and will try and spread the good word too. Yes, I risk it all at the cost of being labeled poor. So be it! If I succeed, there might be a time when parents will narrate stories to their kids like this: Once upon a time, long, long ago when there were party favors…..

Yeah, I know, we might put a lot of Chinese people out of work. Let them learn English and join call centers.

Please tell me about some of the lousy party favors your kids have received.

Uno??? Oh! Nooooooooooooooo!

2009-09-11T03:22:00.004-09:00

Where are those crazy people who constantly played Uno with my daughter? Just you come in front of me and I guarantee you a black eye! Come back, I say. All of you have gotten her addicted and went far, far away to your homes, that are far far away. Ok! I made the first mistake by actually buying those cards, but never in my wildest nightmare did I think that it will be so addictive. Neha has taken to it, like a fish to water. She is so competitive when playing it and she even knows how to cheat. You crazy people, did u cheat her, I mean, teach her that too? On any given day, I have to play at least, note the words ‘at least’, 20 rounds of Uno. I tell you, I can’t take it anymore! Somebody get me outta here!

Neha is so devious with Uno. There are times that she would have shuffled the cards and placed it such a way that she stands to get all the ‘wild’ cards. Can you beat that? A piddly 5 year old. At other times, she would have stashed a few wild cards under her legs and pulls it out when I am not watching. How about that? There are so many other tricks that she pulls off with so much ease, it just stumps me, every time. All that’s missing is a cigar! I am seriously considering paying a few people to come and play with her throughout the day. Any takers?

Just now, she came around asking to play Uno and I did the sensible thing. I ran! Too bad I don’t have much furniture around that I could use as obstacles. She caught me but I wiggled away saying that I am allergic to it. I wonder how long that will work.

Come and play with me Uno or else!

Recently I got in touch with a lot of my friends, courtesy Facebook. School buddies who I had lost contact with. It was not too long ago now, was it? In my mind, I have frozen it at ten years. Did I hear someone snigger? 19 years back, you say?? I don’t know about you, but not on my calculator it isn’t! And 10 it stays at! So here we are tuning into each others lives. Then we ask about the kids. They say their piece. I say mine. When I tell them about Neha’s antics, hoping I would get some sympathy, do you know what I get? Every single person has had the same reaction: Like mother, like daughter! So much for sympathy. The apple, they say, doesn’t fall far from the tree! :D

I will leave you with some gems from Neha:

Some days back, Neha was bugging me about doing something for her when I was cooking, and had something on all four burners of my gas stove.

Me: Neha, God has given me only two hands and two legs.
Neha: And one head, two eyes, one nose………

How could you keep a straight face after that???

************
Very rarely, do I decide to leave Neha with somebody. Mostly because I worry. Not about Neha, about the babysitter’s sanity. One such occasion I had to rely on my friend Uma to take care of her for an hour.

I got back to a very amused Uma. Neha told Uma that she wanted to listen to an English song. So she played a few. Nope, none of them, Neha said. Then Uma got her two girls to search too. For about 20mins, they played Britney Spears, Bon Jovi even Michael Jackson. None of them either, Neha said.

Uma: But which song is it? I don’t have any more. Can you tell how the song is?

Neha(frustrated): Uma aunty, don’t you have: “Pappu can’t dance, saala?”***

They were rolling around laughing till I came.

*** This is actually a Hindi song, that starts with English words.

************

Some talk came up recently about the Mumbai terrorist attack that occurred back in November 2008. Neha asked me about it and I gave her a brief insight into it. Of course, she was very upset.

Me: Please God, take care of Mumbai, take care of our loved ones there. Please make the bad people go away.

Neha: Yes God, please take care of everyone. God, please make the bad people good so that they will not shoot and hurt others.

Now, that is a sincere prayer that can only come from an innocent heart. I was so touched and ashamed that I could not pray like that.

********************

I can’t get over this gem from yesterday:

Neha had her GK exam yesterday. Since I had not bothered about the last four days of ‘Exams’, I thought it was about time I showed some interest in my daughters pursuit of education. Some heavy topics stared at me and along with that the sinking feeling that I am a really sick mother to push my kid out into the world and not even help her through. So I thought I will first assess her knowledge.

Me: Neha, what are the senses in your body?

Neha: Puzzled look (which by the way made me feel like scum)

Me: (Proceeding to prompt her a bit) You know, like with our eyes we see….

Neha; Oh that! Ok. With our eyes, we see. With our nose, we smell. With our tongue, we taste. With our ears, we hear. With our hands we, we touch. With our legs, we kick.

That was it. I was on the floor laughing uncontrollably (another sign of the pathetic excuse for a mom that I am). So much for those Taekwondo classes! Way to go, girl!!!

How about some Cake?

2009-09-09T01:17:00.006-09:00

I have some new developments to share. I have been mulling over it for a few days now but the seeds of thought were sown about 2 years back. Finally, after much thought and deliberation, I have decided to get into it. “What?” you ask? Baking. I mean not just baking and eating it all myself. But baking, as in trying it out professionally. I send out my first two orders yesterday. I am really excited.

I got into it this, quite by accident. After my first attempt at baking, I was put off for many years. When the oven that I got as a gift for my mother-in-law ended up at my house, and it began calling out to me, I just tried it out on a lark. And I found out that I was good at it. Then the compliments followed and then requests for taking orders. But I was not too sure. I thought people were just pepping me up. Then one cake after the other, I began experimenting. I just kept looking out for every single opportunity to take a cake along with me. Now either those people were really hungry and happy at the free dessert or maybe I really was good at it, I was not too sure, then.(Yeah, yeah, call me over. I will bring cake.)

In fact last year, my dear friend Uma (quite a savvy baker, herself) and I, actually put up a stall and baked like crazy people. The result. Every single piece was sold. We were smiling from ear to ear.

I have some people that I experiment on, in the name of Coffee Meets!! Thank you my dear guineas for egging me on and being ready to try any cake that I bake. Thanks to you, I have the guts to try it out on others too!

I have been doing some research in the past few days as to where I should be sourcing my ingredients from and how to price the cakes. I am sure that I do not want to compromise on quality and will sell only to people serious about having a good cake and eating it too! I am really passionate about baking and my two key ingredients in all my cakes are passion and love! Now we can’t measure or price that. So I am doing this with one very clear intent. I want people to enjoy cakes.

After embarking on bake street, I must say this: There is nothing like a home-made cake. No amount of tempting is going to get me to actually buy that cake from a shop anymore. Not only are they over-priced but am told that they use cream made out of Soy (a cheap way of substituting fresh cream) in those cream-based cakes. If you have a thing for cakes and you indulge in those cream cakes, you are unknowingly inviting health troubles. It may not have any immediate bearing, but you are risking your health in the future. I have also read that giving your children products with soy as an ingredient in them is like giving them a birth control pill. It has some great potential to harm, as girls are gaining puberty at very early ages these days and soy is known to be the potential culprit. Please do read up more on this and check with your doctors. This bit of news was enough to scare the jeebies outta me. So, if you feel like eating cakes, buy the ones without the cream toppings.

This is one of my hot favorites:

Chocolate Temptation

And, I made this one today (this picture is borrowed as my pictures did not turn out well):

Cappucino Cake with White Chocolate Topping

Cake, anyone?

Feasting

2009-08-30T21:46:00.003-09:00

Have you seen the movie ‘No Reservations’ which stars Catherine Zeta-Jones and Aaron Eckhart? It is not an amazing movie or anything. I just happened to catch it as I was flicking through the channels on TV. You see, I am usually under pressure to watch something on TV. I must, must watch some TV everyday. I don’t know why, but I must watch. Usually after my little girl has hit the bed at night, I try and catch up on TV. Whoever said that housewives can lounge around the whole day and watch TV, needs some serious medication. I am speaking for most housewives here, when I say that we have to really push other stuff around and steal time to watch TV. So at the end of the day, you might have some work looking at you in the face, waiting to be done. But what the heck!

I did wander a bit now, didn’t I?? Ok, now in this movie, Catherine Zeta-Jones is a master chef (with a typically type A personality), at a restaurant. Every dish that is made is crafted to perfection. I am going to deal with that aspect of the movie. For the rest of the story, you have to watch the movie.

I kind of felt a little like that today. Actually, I feel like that all the time in my kitchen. I feel like - a master chef. To me, cooking is a great stress-buster. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much I like feeding people. I am meeting so many like minded people these days, personally and in the blog world. Women who take serious pride in what they do. Women, who have left their demanding careers behind to pursue the even more demanding job of a homemaker. Gone are the days when people looked down upon our lot!

Yesterday, I spent my morning doing what I love best. Cooking. I treated two of my close friends and their families, to an authentic Onam lunch. Served on the Banana leaf and all. Though I did not make all the dishes, I made nine of most famous ones. And I had the time of my life doing it. One dish after the other left the stove and I was done with the cooking, way ahead of time. So well planned and executed it was. I was pleased with myself and the outcome. Usually, I would be cooking even after the guests have arrived and I would be mad as hell if someone crosses my path. But this time it was handled very differently. My friends (lovely as they are), offered to come over and help. ‘Cause there is some seriously crazy amount of cooking involved. But I would have none of it. I am not very good at handling a crowd in the kitchen. It is too confusing.

Check out the spread!!

The instructions to my husband and daughter are very simple. Steer clear of my kitchen. Usually, my daughter wanders about and wrecks havoc. But Mr. Bean entertained her rather well today. I think she was just scared that I would actually cancel the lunch and she would not get to have fun with her friends. I have to throw such idle threats about (bad mommy that I am), to get my way.

So people, do come on over. Mi casa es su casa.

I DID it!

2009-08-23T09:28:00.002-09:00

Today was truly unusual. I attempted something that I never thought I’d catch myself doing. For the first, the very first time. Me. Yes, me. I did it. Never in my wildest dreams, craziest nightmare did I think this will happen. Yes. I did wish that I would have the guts to do it. So many times, I put my best foot forward and withdrew it because of cold feet. Now what am I ranting and raving about???

I managed to pull off a stage performance. I Danced!!!

In front of an audience, mind you. Me!! Can you believe it ??? Wow, from the audience reaction, it was fabulous. We were 10 of us, beautifully attired, and we were all in seventh heaven after the performance. So many wonderful compliments like - so graceful, so beautiful, what a performance and other superlatives, greeted us afterwards. We soaked it all in.

I must have something important to learn out of all this. Right now, I am still pinching myself out of disbelief. I went through a crazy barrage of emotions just before the performance. In fact, when I was putting on my saree, to my horror, I found stains on the front and thought, “This is it! I am not meant to do this.” My wonderful neighbor, went to her cupboard, rummaged through it, and pulled out her new saree and draped it on me. Ok. No escaping now. I even thought I was going to pee on stage out of nervousness. Suddenly I kept going blank here and there. I thought I’d trip on my saree, maybe on the carpet, too. Forgetting the steps was the most scariest thought. Here I am thirty-something, and I had my first stage performance! It was the start of something new for me and also felt very light-headed for a while after the dance. The tension was just coming through after being caged in for so long.

Yes, I finally have come a full circle. This was the Onam dance that I wrote about. The one I was denied so many years back. I had written about it here. Please parents, don’t ever put your kids through stuff like this. Allow them the benefit of their dreams.

Thank you all my blogging friends for encouraging me to actually go ahead. I did put my foot back several times. God knows what I went through! First I did practice with the group. I then gave some lame excuse and backed out. Three people had to drop out due to other constraints and every time, I promptly handed the group another resource. Finally, I ran out of resources and had to oblige. The ladies of the group were very kind to the fact that I had no formal training (this was a traditional dance and called for some grace) and kept egging me on. I did put my heart and soul and practiced earnestly. The end result was fabulous.

I did it! I did it! I did it! Yipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Now I am ready to perform again! Hey, wait for me, I am putting on my dancing shoes!

Laughing all the way!

2009-08-20T02:35:00.000-09:00

I normally don't like cut and paste articles in blogs. But I just could not help this one. I am not in any position to verify the authenticity of the claim below (in italics), but it was simply hilarious. My favorite is the 16th one! I just can't get over it. The more I think about it, the more I laugh. There I started again! Enjoy it.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14.Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's stupid AND an asshole

New Vocabulary:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a tilt.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Presbyterianism (Frisbeetarianism ??)(n.), : The belief that, when you die, your
Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

News that got me thinking

2009-08-17T02:47:00.002-09:00

On 14th August, the TOI had published an article that really got my blood boiling. I mean are people like this actually paid to publish crap like this??? It was about the amount of time that women spent on certain activities. Stupid, stupid things like dieting, yapping on the phone, doing up one’s hair, Removing unwanted hair. Can you believe that somebody is actually mapping the statistics of such things?

What about all the time that we women spent nurturing our children, cooking meals for our families and working. I can think of dozens of other tasks that we accomplish on a daily basis. What about multi-tasking? I mean who else but we women, are capable of feeding the baby, cooking a meal, following up on news, and comforting a sad friend all at the same time. And we do all of them, as well as it should be done. Despite the fact that I am a homemaker (by choice), I cannot imagine a day where I had to just sit around because of lack of work. Everyday is so terribly hectic and most days I go to bed at 12 midnight upset that I have not been able to complete a few tasks. I know many capable ladies who go through the same ordeal. Imagine the working lady’s plight!

Who are these dumb-ass researchers who are wasting tax payers money doing research on such topics. I believe an average woman spends 58.4 days of her life in shaving waxing or using creams. Please guys, go get a real job.

August 15th reported the whole saga of Shah Rukh Khan’s two hour detention in Newark airport. ( I love this actor to bits, but I just did not get the brouhaha over this trivial issue). I mean, did people forget about 9/11 already? Instead of fretting and fuming, we should carry the necessary documents and contact details of persons who can verify our identity. Yes, the Americans are being careful. They have the right to protect their own country the way the see fit. They Do not NEED to apologize for conducting routine checks on people based on the names. I believe that the Kennedy’s and many such famous names, (seriously famous and seriously American) are put through such ordeals. I don’t think they are weeping and making a national issue out of it. Shah Rukh Khan says that it is because of his surname. In the same breath he has said that terrorism knows no names or religion. You are right, Mr. Khan. Terrorism does not know these things. It can take on any face, any race.

Come on Shah Rukh. Be the bigger person. Come out and say that you are not upset over this. When a person of your stature say things, people are listening. Maybe America should now charge Indians for excess baggage. We are always carrying our king-sized ego with us.

In fact we have a lot to learn from this aspect of America. Terrorists attacked them on their soil and they are leaving no stone unturned to make sure that they will protect their country from such inhumane attacks. We have been shamelessly allowing terrorists to breed amongst us. We have been allowing them to attack us time and again and have the galls to point fingers at people who are just doing their job and protecting their country.

I seriously think that we Indians SHOULD really get our thinking caps on and instead of fawning over such crap, we should spruce up our security and make sure we are never at the receiving end of such selfish and barbaric acts.

What am I upto??

2009-08-13T02:27:00.001-09:00

Thank you all my blogging friends for all the support that you guys showed me when I was down. Well I am really not ‘up’ yet, but I will spring out of it soon. I am working on dealing with those pent up emotions once and for all. The only reason I have held back all these years is because I thought that maybe my mom will one day see the light and end this torture. But it does not look like she is tired enough. So I just will have to take matters into my own hands.

So what am I up to in the meantime?? Well, I am shopping! Shopping? I love shopping. I can bleed anybody dry with shopping. :D

Luckily this time, I am not emptying my husband’s pocket. I am shopping for a school for Neha. No, I am not buying one. Well actually, considering the amount of money that I have to shell out, it almost seems like I am buying the school. There are talks of fixing a cap on the amount that a school can demand in terms of admission fees and fee hikes. I hope they decide by the time I am ready to pay up.

These days, you have to be really wise when choosing a school. Most of the things they claim to offer is often like a screensaver. The real thing is often far from it. And they cost a bomb. After visiting a high-end school in the beginning, all other school seems to fall short of the expectation. Most schools these days do not even have a playground. Trying to make mileage out of this situation are schools that are offering all kind of activities. Then the parents begin to worry about the academics. Are we ever happy?

Last week I visited a school that offered a bevy of activities. Since at the face of it there was hardly anything to see, we asked the gentleman to take us around the premises. He took us to the basement where Table tennis, basket ball, skating and God-knows-what-else was it was marked out for. I sighted the tables for table tennis and was happy. With a skip in my step, I proceeded. But my happiness was short-lived. In front of me was this area with a lot of pillars. They had hung a few hoops onto it. That was the area for basket ball and skating too (hopefully not simultaneously). So much for facilities for the bomb he was charging. Somebody should come along and seize their license! If they require one!! Looks like any Tom, Dick and Harry can start a school.

The next on my shopping list is a job. Got myself to an interview, too. Yes. After 6 long years of hatching at home, I am heading out into big, bad, corporate world. Since it is my second innings, I am trying to choose a job that will offer me flexible timings and if possible the option to at least work part of the time from home. I know that there might not be great money in it, but at least I will know if I have what it takes to work again. There is so much to learn. I don’t even really know what kind of clothes are in fashion anymore.

Some days back I got a mail from some consultant and the title of the mail was: Opening for "Ass. Manager - Accounts/Finance." No, thank you. I do not want to apply for this position. I mean, what the hell are you thinking? Don’t you ever go over what you have written? Duh, hit the spell check at least before you hit the send button. Just because I am getting back after 6 years does not mean that I will take up anything!!!

P.S: Agnes, taking inspiration from you, I am going to send this person a fitting response.

Dance like no one's watching

2009-08-04T23:33:00.001-09:00

A couple of days back, I felt like I was nine years old, all over again. Unlike many of you, I’d rather not go down that road. Anyways, what made me feel like 9?? Well, a couple of ladies at my residential complex, decided to celebrate Onam ( Kerala’s harvest festival) by showcasing the traditional dance. Since there are not too many of us from the State of Kerala living here, I got dragged in to participate. Yup, two left feet and all. Actually, it is not that I have two left feet. I can dance. Say if I were to go to a party and stuff, two drinks down and I am grooving. :-D

I do not have any background of traditional dancing. So here I was, feeling real awkward and sweating rather profusely. I have to weasel out and find a way out quick! Why? Why oh why am I feeling this way? There is enough time for practice and I know I CAN do it.

Coming back to when I was 9. Back then, I finally got the opportunity to participate in a program put together by our church. I was excited. I was allowed** to participate in a dance. We began the practice sessions. And I was getting real good at it. We came as close to dress rehearsals when I was pulled out of it. No consideration for my feelings whatsoever. What was the reason?? Well, my brother who was participating in two of the events was asked to back out of one, due to time constraints. That did not go down well with my dad and he pulled us both out to teach them a lesson. And boy! they learnt, didn’t they? Well as they say, “The show must go on” and it did. Without us. I was crushed. I was the one who always had to pay. The lady who was choreographing, told me in so many words, how disappointed she was in me. It stayed with me. And guess what? The dance was the traditional dance for Onam!

It seems like I have come a full circle and I still cannot seem to shake off my childhood experiences. After that, no matter what, I just cannot get myself to participate in anything. I know that I am not awkward with dancing but I repeatedly use that as an excuse. I can do background work, organize etc., but not get onto the stage.

Despite my childhood experiences, I am a rather good sport. I can laugh at myself, harder than the next guy. But when my lack of ability to do something, gets under the spotlight way too many times, it hurts. I know that they are not aware of why I am, the way I am, but it pushes me into a corner and it takes me a long time to venture out.

For the time being, I have backed out of the dance and got them a replacement too. And I am really not too sure that I am feeling better about it. Yesterday, while Neha was doing her home assignments, she repeatedly had to use her eraser. Watching her, I wished I could use that eraser and blot out some of my memories. :D

Two weeks ago, I had to meet my mother, who as usual, never had anything nice to say. She just repeated all the old awful things. I am so close to telling her off. They say, that closure is a good thing. You should not leave anything unfinished. I think that I should muster up some courage and head towards closure. Finally shake off all the old demons and move on. It is not like I don’t have the guts as some people make it out to be. It is just that it involves the saying of too many hurtful things.

** Why does it seem so unusual? Well, my mother normally did not allow me to participate in anything. Lest I succeed. I was really good at athletics, too. But I was never allowed to compete at the Sports Meets. I scored well at academics too. Well, you don’t want to hear about that stuff. It is too painful to even think. I, so despise, those times.

Psssssssst! As you can see, I am still waiting for my twig to take me back to the shore!

I quit

2009-07-22T10:08:00.003-09:00

It is midnight and here I am blogging when I should be sleeping. I just had to get it off my chest. Very rarely do I ever make a decision so late into the night. But when the going gets tough, the tough get going. And then again, it is never too late to make a good decision in the right direction, right? Now what am I quitting?

I am going to quit being the nice girl. Any relationship, be it that of friendship or whatever, I make sure that I put in my 150%. Now, that, is a lot of me. Things have become so bad that people are expecting just too much out of me. I can’t give like that anymore. I feel tired at just giving, without ever getting back. Yeah, I know I should not ‘expect’ anything. But all relationships are a healthy combination of give and take, right?

I think I really go out of the way to help people and be nice to every body around me. But people are just trampling over me now. The realization came quite some time back, but I was just brushing it aside. You know, putting aside the negativity and stuff. A lot of stuff is being dumped on me and I am not able to fulfill them. And you know what? I feel guilty about it. How’s that?? I feel guilty saying no. Normally, I say it only when I really, really can’t. Otherwise I just push myself to help.

The way I look at it, we all have to start some place, right? So I start. And one thing leads to the other and before you know it, I have already done too much. And life goes on for the other person. Nobody thinks ill of them, either. But if I were to falter, I can see the disappointment. Maybe I am too hard on myself. Too critical, even.

When I ask for a favor (which is almost never), I make sure that it is absolutely ok for the other person to do it. And I always, always repay it in kind, double-fold. I am looking hard but I almost never see it being reciprocated.

Yup, feeling a little low and all that! Low enough to take some tough calls.

Is Beauty Skin Deep?

2009-07-17T00:07:00.002-09:00

About two years back, a lady from my apartment complex, approached my friends and I, to inform us that she had opened a beauty salon at her place. After telling us the list of services offered, she strode off, telling us that she also offers slimming solutions. We were left with our jaws on the floor and we had quickly make an exit lest we burst out laughing on her face! The reason her parting words left us flabbergasted was that she herself had serious weight issues and also has a teenage daughter battling the bulge. And SHE is offering slimming solutions??? She should at the least try it out on herself before wooing customers! Two years later, she still is in bad shape. Yeah, I know. Round is a shape, too.

I often had this problem with people offering a product or services which don’t seem to have an effect on themselves. How often have you walked into a hair salon and be greeted by a lady with bad, unkempt hair telling you that you should use so and so shampoo and conditioner?? Most often they have bad hair do’s too.

None of us are perfect. We all do have our physical flaws in the form of uneven lips or short eyebrows, whatever. That is what makes us, us. We wish it could have been different and of course, there are stuff we can correct with technology available today. But not all of us have the moolah to spend on such frivolous things.

I have freckles. Often at parlors, I am asked if I do anything about it. I have had them for years and I kinda like them now. Now when I walk into a salon, those guys think: hey here comes the lady with freckles. Let see if we can sucker her into getting one of them glycodermic peels. No thank you. I don’t need it. Now, that is too harsh a treatment on the face for simple things like freckles. It is normally done to correct severe issue like pits due to pimples and scars of that sort. I have good skin.

Yesterday, I was asked to meet a doctor at a salon I visited, to discuss my freckles. I played along. I met the doctor, who had the personality of dull metal. And she was discussing my freckles when she has so many pimple scars on her face. I just stared dumbstruck at her all the while thinking: Why the hell can you not take the treatment yourself before suggesting it to me? I had to really wipe the smirk off my face.

I understand that the employees of the salon work for not-so-great salaries. But surely the salons should offer the beauty solutions to their employees in a bid to boost employee morale, ensure employee satisfaction and the best of all, a steady stream of customers.

And we Indians and our obsession with white skin!! You should see the look on my face, when someone way darker than me at the parlor suggests skin lightening creams etc. Duh, use them yourself and let me know! What difference does it make what shade it is. I am open to suggestions on how to improve skin quality. I mean, let us focus on having good skin and stop giving unsolicited advice. I am done with these people. The next time, I have decided to be a little mean and just go ahead and tell them what I think and probably offer them a solution.

What say you? Have you had any such experience?

I Think Men Should....

2009-07-10T00:57:00.001-09:00

…just go back to hunting animals and making fires for a living. I am seriously believing all those jokes about God perfecting creation of human by using Man as a prototype and then finally creating Woman as his ultimate creation.

When I read in yesterdays paper about British Scientists creating sperms from embryonic stem cells, the one thought that came to mind is : These men are in a LOT of trouble if they do not step up and make themselves useful!!!

Ever so rarely, my husband decides to take up a chore. And every time he attempts it, I am like: Oh, Oh trouble’s looming large. I wonder what is going to come out of this. Now, before you all go: Poor guy, give him a break. At least he makes the effort…blah, blah!; hear me out.

Neel’s recent attempt at doing the chores was the laundry. He just recently figured out how to use our fully-automatic washing machine ( that I have had for the last 10 years and we have been married for 6). When he saw how easy, peasy it was to function it, he decided that finally somebody is going to do something about the laundry. After the first two attempts, the machine broke down. Twice. ( I have been telling Neel for a long time that he has an aura around him that affects the functioning of electronic devices!)

After I got it up and running, hounding the repair guy on the phone and all that, fretting all the while about the mountain of laundry piling up, it started working again. Apparently Neel is not given up on laundry. At this point, I am already dragging my palms across the face in frustration.

I did tell him when he started out that he should watch out and separate the colored and whites. But imagine my face when I looked at the laundry line and saw all pink colored clothes. And then a day later, I am looking through Neha’s clothes and I spied green underwear. Hey, Neha does not have any green undies. Then I looked up and lo behold! all green colored clothes. Including MY whites clothes!!! No way, buddy, this laundry mania has to stop now! Now I have warned Neel with dire consequences if I see him loitering within 6 feet radius of the washing machine.

Some days back, he heated my plastic cake tray in the grill, in an attempt to warm his bread for breakfast (why the cake tray? Why in the grill???). The computer is constantly conking off and acting weird after he uses it. I am checking it for viruses everyday. Don’t even get me started on the car. He once went and bought some crappy cleaning product sold to him by some guy at the petrol bunk. I told him to just throw it out. He gave me that what-would-you-women-know -about-these-things look and went ahead to buff his car. The result: the grey interiors were now a patchy white. He expected me to restore it. I asked him to buzz off. Now, do I need the extra work in my already tight schedule??

The attempt at fixing Neha’s cycle was a disaster too. I had kept the cycle aside to fix it when I found the time. Neel’s eyes spied it one day and he asked me what was wrong with it. I told him that the screw of the brake handle had come off and I had to look through my tool kit to see if there was that particular size. Neel wanting to show who the man around the house was, strode off to find the necessary tools. About an hour later, I find a mummified cycle. Neel had removed the entire brake system and Neha freaked out on the cycle with insulation tape!!

These days when N looks at things purposefully, I shout “No way, mister! Back off Now. Leave whatever it is, alone!” He gives me that what-did-I-do, after-all-I-am-only-trying-to-help-you look.

What are the men in your life like?? Do you want to banish them to the caves??

Rapid Fire Questions!

2009-07-03T18:46:00.006-09:00

Thank you Nancy for Tagging me. I asked these questions to my 5-year old and she quickly delivered these answers without even thinking, as though I was going to give her some huge gift for answering quickly. So most responses are just off the top of her head. Every time she would quickly answer, she would have that look on the face that would say: How smart am I, huh!

I am back after a long break and hope to blog more. I will also try and make sure that I read all the posts that I missed out on. Here goes the tag in the meanwhile:

Me : What is something I always say to you?
Neha : Not to do potty in chaddi (underwear)

Me : What makes me happy?
Neha : Not doing potty in chaddi

Me : What makes me sad?
Neha : Doing potty in chaddi**

(** We have been battling with this issue for a couple of months now. Typical case of not wanting to get away from the activity at hand. If anybody knows any sure-to-work trick to tackle this issue, you are welcome to suggest. Please remember that I have tried all the obvious methods including the pediatrician's advice. )

Me : How do I make you laugh?
Neha : Doing circus with me

(We are thinking about starting a mother-daughter circus team. She is fearless and I try not be scared)

Me : What do you think I was like as a child?
Neha : Good girl
How well she knows me!

Me : How old am I?
Neha : 43

God alone knows why she arrived at that figure. I am a LOT younger than that. God help the day I hit 40. I will probably react like Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Me : How tall am I?
Neha : This much. Gesturing about a foot with her hand.

Me : What is my favorite thing to do?
Neha : Painting.
I haven’t painted in years.

Me : What do I do when you’re not around?
Neha : Kitchen work and computer
The three hours that she is away is very less to accomplish anything else.

Me : If I become famous, what will it be for?
She did not understand this question

Me : What am I really good at?
Neha : Drawing and taking photos.

Me : What am I not really good at?
Neha : Reacting to potty in chaddi

Me : What is my job?
Neha : To do kitchen work
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Me : What is my favourite food?
Neha : Chicken biriyani

Me : What makes you proud of me?
Neha : Swimming

??!??

Me : What makes me proud of you?
Neha: When I do potty in the toilet

Me : What do you and I do together?
Neha : Playing. Hugging each other

Me : How are we the same?
Neha : Because u gave birth to me

Me : How are you and I different?
Neha : If I were not born in your tummy :-)

Me : What is one thing you wish you could change about me?
Neha : We should be able to swim together every time.

Though I was not tagged to put up a photograph, I thought I will add this anyway. Neha is the happiest when she is around water. You can see the unmistakable joy on her face on one of our recent beach trips.

Of life and death

2009-06-15T01:19:00.002-09:00

Two weeks back, I lost my Father-in-law to death. His life was snuffed out in a second by a cardiac arrest. He was to get back home the next day. Remember the wedding I wrote about some posts back. He had gone over to conduct that wedding. The bride had lost her mother to Cancer about 2 years back and my father-in-law promised that lady that he would get her daughter married. He stood by his promise. He stood by all his promises.

The last I felt this bad was when I lost my grandfather. In the days that followed I was reminded of this bit of the poem by Robert Frost:

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

The next few days after that went by in a haze. There were so many ceremonies that were conducted which according to Hindu religion, will see him to the other side. Though I have thought about death often, there was always one thing that was important to me. I always feel that when a person goes, all the people whose lives were touched by that person, should stand there to shed a tear by their graveside.

And that is what I saw for my father-in-law. Such a gentle, caring and respectful man. He never had an unkind word to say, a rude comment or even a nasty look. Of course, I knew him only for 5 years. But he was the perfect father-in-law. When I entered the household 5 years back, I saw the photographs of a Naval Officer resplendent in his uniform. One could not mistake the look of pride on his face. Then when I actually met him, I was shocked to discover what a disease like Parkinson’s could do to a person. By then about 11 years into Parkinson’s, he was not even a faint shadow of the person in the photograph. His mind sharp as an arrow, he could recall each detail very vividly and sadly his body was unable to keep pace with him.

He must be so proud of his wife who stood by his side like a rock and took care of him more than any doctor could. She was so well versed with his disease that she could easily do a superb job if she were to take it up seriously as a vocation. She could detect even the slightest change in his gait and alter the medicines accordingly. He used to have various medications at least 10 times a day and in different combination's. She used to pack them beforehand for a few weeks at a time. That way she would know if there was any shortage of his medication in the market and source it accordingly. The way she used to pack them was amazing. You had to see it to believe it! And the doctors were always amazed that though Parkinson’s is a progressive disease, he was in perfectly good health except for his disease. Till his last day, he even bathed by himself.

He must be so proud of his three sons who sat for hours together and performed each and every ceremony without flinching even once. Whatever they were required to do, they would do it with diligence and utter faith, often sleeping just for 3-4 hours every night for about two weeks.

We will miss you terribly, Pappa. May your soul rest in peace.

Standing up to the truth

2009-05-27T02:35:00.002-09:00

I am truly upset and angry. I want to just scream out loud. The injustice has to stop. The fear has to go away. We cannot all watch this nonsense with our hands tied behind our backs. This man is after all a cheap, spineless bastard. How could he deny in writing the very things he admitted to us just the day before?

I wrote some blogs back about a friend who has been suffering at the hands of her husband. You can read it here. Well, the update is that she has finally had the guts to seek divorce. Despite all this, he has beaten her up several times. She then also filed criminal proceedings against him for harassment. Though he was taken to the police station, he was not arrested. But let away with a warning. You think that would drill some sense into him. Not a chance in hell.

The other day she called me close to midnight, crying. He had hit her on the head. She was in a lot of pain. My heart sank. And now, the other day, hardened by all she has been going through, she retaliated when he attacked her. She pushed him away from her, he slipped and hurt his arm. He called all and sundry to tell everyone what an awful woman she is and how she is making his life miserable. I was there too. He blurted out a lot of stuff including the fact that there is a criminal case against him. And now he has the guts to deny it in public.

Which means he knows that none of us who heard it from him one will stand up to him. Is that not what it really means? Blatant aggressiveness and guts. To think that he will be allowed to go on terrorizing this woman. At least 12 of us know all the gory details. I know it is their personal life, but he is now the acting president of our society here and is going to contend for the upcoming elections. Somebody with such cheap morals should be heading the association alright! In Prison maybe!

Many a times in the recent past, I have caught myself hoping that the law in my country was a bit more reasonable when it comes to victims. Some how, it seems rather tailor-made to suit criminals and their likes. It is making me really angry. I believe I am rather fair when it comes to taking sides and choosing right over wrong. I try not be unreasonable and partial.

When we do not stand up against wrongs, is it not an endorsement to the wrong doer that he can continue doing what he feels like? Is this not the way corruption starts? Bleeding us all till the last drop? Why are we warned to stay away? “Don’t get involved is what I am told.” Why not? When what is happening is public knowledge, is it not our moral responsibility to do what is right? Should I just sit back and watch till he murders her and then maybe stage it as an accident? WHAT SHOULD I DO? My conscience is really urging me to help bring the truth out, but I cannot act unless my husband gives me the go ahead. He is (but naturally) worried for us. But should we all just stay paralyzed with fear and not do anything to help people around us? All this helplessness is making me really angry. And when I believe in something, I like to throw myself whole heartedly into it. I have been walking around with a lump in my throat, unable to express myself the way I want to.

'Tag'ging Motherhood

2009-05-24T19:33:00.005-09:00

I think Reflections was testing me this one last time to see if I take up this tag, before completely giving up on me. I just had to give in, but it was an interesting tag too. So here goes my favorite takes on motherhood:

Growing up, I understood that every gift that God gives us or any thing else that happens to us, has a very profound place in our life. I no longer wonder why all my senses are so acutely sharp. My five-year- old validates it and tests it on a daily basis.
Now whenever I want to go out, after having a tiring day at home, all I need to do is tell my daughter. She makes sure that her father drops everything and takes us out.
Now that I have stopped growing vertically, I feel guilt at piling on the pounds. When I see some sinful gastronomic delight calling out to me, I order it for my daughter. I sit across the table and will for her to leave a bite for me. She shares gracefully and all that, but I just shake my head and tell her to go ahead and enjoy herself. Then after she’s done, I get to the business of finishing up all the while telling her that we should not waste food!
When my daughter asks me a question and I answer it, she exclaims: “Mamma, how do you know everything?” I levitate just a bit off the floor. I wish everybody thought that way about me. So what if she is just five. She is smart enough to figure out who is the smartest of us all! And the best part is when my husband contradicts what I say. My daughter will immediately say: “ Pappa, what mamma says is right. She knows everything. She says all the right stuff.”I look at my husband with the air of brilliance and he has no go but to shut up and accept his fate!
The most super thing about motherhood is that I now have a constant reminder to be the better person, the bigger person in all my interactions. I may lash out (there are times that I just want to kick ass, PMS maybe) when my daughter is not around, but in her presence, I have to show the right (maybe not willingly right) attitude. Yes, I do slip(human, after all). But I tell her later that I did the wrong thing and tell her what would have been the right thing to do.

Being a mom is the best thing ever. When I look into my daughter’s face, I see love. The immense joy she brings to my life is amazing! And then not to forget the many women who think that having a girl-child is a curse. A friend of mine has been blogging about the crazy life she leads because her mother-in-law leaves no stone unturned to make her and her daughters feel like crap. If I did not know this blogger personally, there was no way I would believe it. To me, she is as honest and nice as they come. You can read it here : www.themilchronicles.blogspot.com

I tag: Purple pain, Wannabe writer and Solilo

The summer wedding update

2009-05-20T23:13:00.004-09:00

Ok. I am back. I kind of succumbed to guilt and finally attended that hot summer wedding after all! ( I can picture Reflections laughing real hard at this one!) My mother-in-law is a sweetheart and I went just for her sake. I am just not able to say NO to her. But then again who can I say no to! But I was not happy about going. Oh, I fought real hard and in the end had to give up. I took the advice some of you gave and was a real sport too. Oh, the things I turned a blind eye to!! I surprised myself.

For my sake, I was glad I did not take my camera. And I sure hope nobody clicked me either. For most part, my jaws were on the floor in amazement. Don’t mistake it as an expression where I was dazzled by the outfits or the jewelry. Let me try and list a few things that got my goat:

Some people had lined up a few chairs and fashioned a bed out it. They snored too. Some were too lazy to do that and slept on the floor.
The cacophony was just too much. The hall was huge. At the entrance, they had a band that was playing filmy beats, desperately out of tune. They were just banging and abusing their instruments. Somewhere midway through the hall was the Shehnai* type guys who were trying to lend some sanctity to the ceremony. And then the pujari’s** had mikes too and were chanting away to glory. Loudly. I am quite sure the heaven’s heard it. The combined noise was terrible.
Except for about 10 people in that crowd of 1500 people, nobody cared a rat’s ass about what was going on.
If those were the outfits some of the people wore at a wedding, I shudder to think how they might appear at home.
Even the people in question did not bother to look well-groomed. You DO NOT want me to elaborate on this. O boy, I was shocked. Actually, I still am.
The utter chaos. As the ceremony is in progress, they are figuring what they do not have and people are running all around town trying to get it to the venue on time.
And yes, the single room where about 50 people (men and women, mind you) changed, including the bride.
At one point, I saw the bride’s brother sleeping on top of the bed which was piled with things. These people can sleep anywhere! ANYWHERE!
The bride till the previous day of her wedding, had not even decided where she was going to change to reach the venue. She even got many of us to shop for essential things just the day before. And yes, she reached about an hour late and everything went out of gear. In fact, the proceedings that lead to the muhurtam***, happened in about two minutes. I was just settling down to watch the proceedings when it got over too!
There is this particular part of the ceremony where they are to rain rice on each others heads. It kind of reaches a competitive stage to see who can rain more. At one point, the groom took the whole plate, emptied it and banged it on the bride’s head. Some competitive spirit! I would have divorced him right there!
With all the above happening, the 49 degrees centigrade heat did not even bother me.

And the wedding just went on and on. I sat through to the end (Simply because I thought that is the way to be) and stepped in wherever necessary. I looked all around me and thought: why do these people attend weddings just to come and sleep in the wedding hall? Why in heaven’s name is it so long? At every wedding people sleep like this. Is it not an indication to shorten stuff? Maybe they should do an hour or so of main stuff when the crowd is attending and do all the other stuff privately and elaborately at home. Everyone concerned will be happy. I am sure it is quite insulting to see all around you sleeping on the most important day of your life.

Since I am a Christian, one uncle approached me and asked what I thought about the Hindu wedding ceremony. I told him: “No wonder divorce and remarriage is unheard of. If the ceremony is so long, nobody in their right mind will want to sit through it again!” He laughed so hard and was very happy with my response!

* Shehnai : particular kind of music played at weddings
** pujari: Hindu priest
*** Muhurtam: Auspicious moment where a particular part of the ceremony HAS to be done. No matter what!

Oh no! A summer wedding!

2009-05-07T20:08:00.002-09:00

I have a unique problem to deal with. There is this wedding that I am trying to weasel out of. No, I have nothing against weddings per se and the girl who is getting married is a dear. It is just the summer that gets to me. I am just NOT a summer person. Unfortunately, I don’t live in a society that is kind to minimal wear. I can get away with Capri’s n tees n stuff but not shorts n tank tops. Well, I feel like wearing those. But I am unique, like everybody else, and do not want to be stared at. So all I can do is just think about it.

Now getting back to this wedding in question, it is going to be in pitch summer and in a place that is already reached half boiling point. Well okay, fine. I should, at least, have the option of wearing classy cotton saris or Salwars. But no way , I have to be wearing silks and looking happy about it. I am not fond of dressing up to please all and sundry around me. Being comfortable is of prime importance to me. I won’t dress in harem pants, even if it is all the rage.

I am already scowling around thinking about it. It is going to be real hot and messy. Nothing looks right to me if I have to dress up in saris and jewelry in blistering heat. The other day, I ended up with rashes all over my neck and hands (jewelry rash) just because of the heat. without venturing into the sun, mind you. So, knowing how I have handled summers before, I am going to be bitchy, nasty and definitely not good company. That is not the personality I want to parade at a wedding. And before you ask me to mask my displeasure, just remember one thing: I AM NOT VERY GOOD AT IT!

After a while of sweating in the silks, the blouse refuses to come off. And apparently weddings are an opportunity to show off all your wares. So you should wear as much jewelry as is possible and also change at least 3 saris for each function (Excuse me, but is it MY wedding?). Silk saris, mind you. And you have to strip and change in five minutes flat. And you could be surrounded by at least 50 other ladies doing the same thing in a despicably small room.

Yes, there are times that I am consumed with guilt at thinking about missing wedding in the family and all. Yeah, yeah these things happen only once in a while, I know that too. But the whole idea of being in strange place with no clue as to the quality of facilities available, is really putting me off. I do not want to spend the rest of the summer with a rash or illness that I have contracted there. I have no qualms about the fact that I am particular about basic cleanliness (Call me a freak if you want to!) But dirty bedding, filthy bathrooms etc make my skin crawl. Urggghhhhhhhhhh!

Besides, some of the wedding guests are traveling from countries, which have been reported to have cases of swine flu. (See, I am really looking hard for excuses for giving this wedding a miss.)

Talking of Swine flu, I read this really interesting thought the other day: They said that if a black president were to be elected in the US, pigs will fly. And now we have the Swine flu!! Ha! Ha!

What Should I do? Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Please think up unique excuses that I can present use without hurting anybody’s feelings. Please note, that I will be offering my husband for one week, to help out and be there. (Before you go ahead and think what a horrible woman I am, let me tell you that the girl getting married, is my husband’s cousin). So it is not like nobody is representing the family at the wedding. Also, I have attended dozens of functions held by my husband’s side of the family, without my husband. So, I think I deserve a break!

(P.S: Divya, you better not squeak! You can offer excuses though! Just remember that I traveled 12 hours and attended your wedding with a 3-month old Neha. I could not afford to miss it and besides it was in Hyderabad. :D)

"What is the time, Mamma?"

2009-05-05T18:54:00.003-09:00

My daughter’s latest obsession is time. Anything to do with time, dates, days of the week, months, years, the whole deal.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that she asks me the question “what is the time, mamma?” every 5 minutes. Either she has forgotten that she has already asked me or that it feels to her that a lot of time has passed since she last asked. My bet is on the latter assumption.

She wakes up this morning and tells me, “Oh mamma, it is afternoon. Why did you not wake me up in the morning?”

Me: No sweetheart. It is still morning.

Neha: what time is it?

Me: 10 o’ clock

Neha: 10 O’clock Morning or night?

Me: I told you already that it is morning. So it is 10 in the morning.

Neha: Ok. So what time can I go swimming today?

Me: Same as always. 7:30 in the evening?

Neha: Ok. What day is it today?

Me: (Wanting to scream already) Tuesday.

Neha: Tuesday pool is open. Only Monday it is closed. Right, mamma? Ok. Ok. Today is Tuesday. That means tomorrow is Wednesday and then Thursday. Yippee, Thursday is my birthday!

Me: (gulping) No baby. Your b’day is over. That was on April 23rd.

Neha: But mamma, you told me that my b’day is on Thursday.

Me: (mentally telling myself that I should look up on how to explain time to a five year old) No, baby. You see, April 23rd is over and now it is May. Now shall we go and brush?

Neha: Ok. So it is May. So it is January, February, April, May…..

Me: (It is just 10 in the morning and I feel tired already) That is not the right order.

Neha: Ok. Ok. I know. Let me start again. January…

I now have to wait around patiently till she gets the order right! And I am frantically thinking about how I can get her off the subject.

After brushing teeth, Neha asks me: “Mamma, what is the time?”

Now, this is the point where my eyes begin to roll.

The past two weeks, this question has been met with my eyes rolling in its sockets which really amuses Neha. Now I am beginning to think whether she really wants an answer or is she just waiting for my reaction.

These days, my favorite game is : Let’s see who can keep quiet for longer. There are no prizes for guessing who is the winner.

All I know is that it is vacation ‘time’. Yes, all moms of school going kids must be facing this crisis as I write. I am not really in favor of packing off my kid to some meaningless vacation class. There are summer classes for karate, too. Pray tell me, how is it possible to learn Karate in 30 days? Now I know why kids of today think that they can build a rocket in 5 minutes.

I have heard of kids complaining that their music teacher is asking them to play Do, Re, Me… too many times. And that they are ready to learn a song. This after two piano classes!! :D There is a school nearby offering to teach tennis to kids 5 years and above…The kids can barely lift the racket. :D And I know a 5 year-old who has handwriting classes for 2 hours everyday! This might be the kind of kid who will kill her folks and pen a suicide note in beautiful handwriting. :D

Come on people, just wait for them to grow up so that they can figure out what they are interested in. They will just balk at all your suggestions, otherwise.I do not mind signing my kid up for dance classes or story telling sessions, but I am yet to chance upon something good. Besides, she is just 5. There is time. Until then, I will be bombarded with what-is-the-time-questions!

Better luck, Next time

2009-05-01T08:12:00.001-09:00

I mentioned earlier in one of my posts that I am not much of a saath janam ka rishtha** types. I feel variety is the spice of life. I’d like to try out my next birth with Shah Rukh Khan (SRK)*** for a hubby. Sigh!!!

But on second thoughts, I’d like to be a guy in my next birth. Actually, I want to be born as my husband. And I want him to be born as me. And even better, I want us both to remember our previous births. And I want to kick his butt! Not that he is kicking mine now. But I want to kick him anyways for being such a lazy bum.

He lives like a king. Check out a sample of his day: Get up, read paper for half an hour, Drink tea. Go to the loo for another half an hour and read the paper. Eat lunch (he works nights and therefore has a wonky schedule). Relax for a bit (maybe even sleep), dress up and head to work. Now isn’t that envious? He does not have to lift a finger.

Maybe I should give him some credit here. On weekends, he does lift a finger. To change the channels on TV!!. So on weekends, he watches TV, in addition to a back-breaking schedule of relaxing & sleeping some more.

When I complain, he says that I should try and go to office. Then I would understand. Hello?? Is anybody home?? I HAVE gone to office AND managed the home. Yes, I would cook, manage the home and work. Ha! So much for going to office and finding out for myself. His schedule remains the same. I know a lot of men pitch in and help out. The few times I have used my husband as a back-up in the kitchen, I practically had to scrape food off the ceiling in addition to a very messy kitchen. No. Thank you. I better handle that myself. You’d think that with a hotel management background and working in hotel kitchens, he would know a few things. Yeah, right! Like I am so lucky!

Now when I react like that, he says that that is the reason he is not able to help out. Because I am so finicky. Well, my take on it - For five years, you have been seeing how I do stuff. Can you not do at least a few things my way? What say? Like eating the car for example. Do we really need to do that on bumpy roads? Since I complain, they do it behind my back. Now isn’t that a nice way to handle the issue? The car looks like a pig sty.

And when I throw in the towel and decide to just leave things the way they are, he complains about the mess. Aha! Gotcha! So you want things spic n span, don’t want to do it yourself, leave no stone unturned when it comes to making a mess and expect me to clean it. Your agenda seems clear to me, buddy.

Do you think it is worth the effort and try and miss out on a super-exciting life with SRK?

** A popular Hindu belief that women should enjoy wedded bliss with a man for seven births. There is a special day of fast for a whole day to achieve this.

**** Famous Bollywood star. Sigh!!!!

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

2009-04-23T03:39:00.005-09:00

Today, my daughter Neha turns 5. Happy Birthday, my love!! You cannot imagine the joy you bring to my life. My wish for you is that your choicest dreams and the desires closest to your heart come true. I have posted some pictures of my little angel taken on her special day!

She had her friends over for lunch. They had a great time. Now this mommy is sooooooo tired after all the cooking and running around for the past week organising her party and surprise. We gifted her a room, all done up. She was thrilled seeing her room in hues of pink. Yes, I think she is ready to move in too. Wish us luck!
Edited to add :

People, I baked that cake myself. And I am so proud of it. I thought it might help to add a close-up. :D (Now you know what made me so tired. Except for chips, nothing was store-bought.) I have passed on your wishes to her and she is thrilled. Thank you.

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't!

2009-04-14T19:54:00.002-09:00

I was lambasted and pasted against the wall the other day by my dad and mother-in-law. And guess who the culprit was? Yes, you guessed right! My five-year old, Neha! I can see it coming. She is gonna get me into a lot of trouble. Yup, I am gearing myself for it.

Can u imagine what she came up with this time? Just when we were recovering from some crazy rash, apparently a viral infection that showed up in her body as rashes.

We were visiting my in-laws and went to check in on an uncle who stays nearby. This uncle’s neighbor has a German Shepherd! Neha perched herself on the wall with the help of a tap and began teasing the dog with plastic fruits! As she was going in and out, I told her not to tease the dog. She must have thought: Here goes mom, blabbering again!

Then she hunted for something to give the dog and zeroed in on carrots and tomatoes. The dog must have been pissed with all the teasing and then the crappy stuff that Neha decided to feed him. Anyways, he did not want to be teased, I guess, so when she offered him the carrot, he became aggressive and it resulted in a bite. Fortunately, it was not too bad. The skin above her thumb got grazed by his teeth. It bled too.

Though I was shocked, I could not afford to show it. I could not afford to sit on it either. The doctor suggested ant-rabies vaccines for 3 days. Poor kid! She has been brave through it all. The dose was administered on her butt. Yesterday when I called her to come and get the shot, she made a run for it. Four kids and I had to chase her around for a couple of minutes. When I managed to catch her, she said, “But mamma, I have only two bums! Where is the doctor going to give it today?”

Getting back to where I started, my dad gave me a lecture on how careless I was and how I should keep a more careful eye on her. That I allow her too much freedom to explore and get hurt in the process. I tried real hard to explain that I was not careless at all. That I watch her with four eyes!

Now my M-I-L had another take on it. She says that I am just too careful and am breathing down the kid’s neck all the time. That I should allow her some freedom to explore. Then she would be getting into all this if I gave her some space, blah, blah. Again, I tried real hard to explain to her that I do allow Neha her freedom.

It got me thinking. What the heck? I cannot do anything without getting the raw deal. I have to really come up with some innovative ways to get the kid to live her life and not get hurt. Ok, this is where my head beings to hurt and all seems fuzzy! But on my part, I have decided to build up a collection of books on emergency medical aid and by-heart it. I have already saved her life twice already. First when she swallowed two watch cells. And the second time, when she swallowed two five rupee coins. You may discount the countless other times when she attempted dangerous stuff. Let me remind you at this point, that she is only 5.

The detective in me

2009-04-02T03:30:00.002-09:00

You know how one thing leads to the other. Agnes’s latest blog about the book Shantaram, and her comments on Vibgyor’s post got me thinking. When ever people tell me that they read books like Children of a Lesser God or The White Tiger, I feel quite embarrassed that I don’t have the inclination for it, though I am an avid reader.

As far as I can remember, I have always been interested in crime and detectives. I am doing some soul searching here as I write. Reading between the lines, was always second nature to me. I can spot an error right on. My senses are so acute. You should have seen me when I was pregnant. I laugh so hard when I think about it. If I say I have acute senses now, they were a hundred times more acute when I was pregnant. I used to throw up like crazy if somebody cooked onions even 10 houses away. Oh, It was bad!

I am going to cover two aspects of me here: Why I cannot read serious books and what brought about this sleuthing in me. They are kind of connected in a way.

Growing up wasn’t easy for me. For some crazy reason (which I am not going to get into details about), my mother was really against me. She made it real tough for me to live, so I had to grow up real fast. It might sound very unbelievable, but she was always scheming against me and trying to get me into trouble. Yes, she is my real mother. Only she knows best why she did what she did. Of course, in the beginning, I did not see it coming and the result was severe punishments. She would only be happy when my father scolded and punished me. Most times, I did not know what I did wrong. But whatever I did, I always got the short end of the stick. No matter how hard I tried, I could do no right in her eyes. And as a little child, you can imagine what that felt like.

So since home life was terrible, I found solace in books. I would get library books, wrap it up, to look like a school book (even reading was a crime) and would escape into an imaginary world. I read The cherry tree farm and other Enid Blytons, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys. It would give me the much needed happiness. I would read like a mad person, often finishing books in a single sitting/day.

Most of my childhood was spent this way, merging with the walls, so that I would not be noticed and held responsible for the World Wars!

Since I wanted to escape and have fun, these light-hearted books were the way to go. Serious books made me sad and got me thinking.

Now since I was interested in detective stories, I began thinking like one. Here my mother was the tormentor and I had to stay out of her way. Since I was not allowed to read books, my sense of hearing was heightened to catch even the slightest sound of feet on carpeted floors. The books would be hid in a jiffy, that explains my reflex. I trained my eyes to catch even a centimeter of difference in the way my cupboard was arranged. I knew exactly where things were placed. So I knew if she had invaded my personal space and if anything was missing and if I had to build a story around it. Likewise, my sense of smell would catch the whiff if anybody approached or if they had already been there.

I read someplace that blind people had unusually good hearing and sense of smell to help them. I was something like that. Over a period of time, I got really good at it. My sixth sense helps me a lot too. One wrong look, and I will sense it. It has helped me a lot.

They say there is good in everything. While I am happy with these powers (if you could call it that), there are times I wish I did not have to go through what I did. I always feel that if the enemy is on the outside, you can find the strength to tackle him/her. But if the enemy is within, it weakens you and makes the process a lot harder often resulting in a lot of damage to self-esteem.

Even now, I find it difficult to read a serious book. Recently I struggled with The Pillars of The Earth by Ken Follett. Every time I would get back to the book, I would have to read back a few pages to align myself. Too many characters!

I always thought that I would take up Forensic Science. Maybe I should have. Boy, that would have been some job, huh! Right up my alleyway too!

Yet another routine day…

2009-03-27T18:00:00.000-09:00

This morning it struck me clear and crisp. I am zooming from deadline to deadline. There is a dozen things that need my attention any time of the day. The one thing I want to do most times is to just push everything aside and just relaaaaaaaaaaaax. Sighhhhhhhhhhh! Just the thought of it is amazing. So all those who are on vacations, I am really jealous! I wanna go too.
For all those who are not aware, my husband works crazy hours (Yeah, who doesn’t!!). But mine works real crazy hours. Sometimes, he goes about 12 in the afternoon, and turns up at about 5 the next morning (Crazy, huh?). Yeah, this is what I am talking about. So, forget about just cooking at a particular time of the day, everyday. I sometimes find myself making breakfast at 12 noon. And lunch at 2 pm.

And you know what pisses me off about the whole thing? He does it mostly out of his own will. He is a workaholic. I love the fact that he is dedicated about his work. But hello, there are people home, who need you, too!! My M-I-L used to say that when her husband crosses the threshold to go to work, he has partial amnesia when it comes to the family. Yes, history is repeating itself.

See, I have digressed. Coming back to moi, so basically, my day is crazy too. I make my bed in the evenings. No, not because I am lazy, because there is someone it from 10pm to 2pm, most days!! Ha Ha Ha!

Then, there is this feisty 5 year old who just running around the house, looking for trouble. And you know what? She finds it. Her accuracy is 99.9%. The other day, I could hear my mobile ringing some place. But it seemed rather muffled. So here I am hunting for it. That is when my eyes fell on this gift wrapped object on the sofa. My daughter had gift wrapped my mobile with other small knick-knacks. I had to cut it open because she had wound a whole roll of cello tape around it!! Very often, I find the remote control in the fridge. She hides it there, ‘coz she does not want anyone to change her favorite program. I am still to find two CD’s that she has kept safely. And believe me when I tell you that I am just scraping the surface here. Let me see if I can manage a blog on her some time. You see, half the time, my head is reeling!

You do not want me to tell you what all I do in breaks, simply because I cannot afford to be in the loo for more than 2 minutes. Thankfully, God has bestowed me with super sharp hearing, vision and sense of smell. My sixth sense is also very sharp. All my life, I was wondering why I had these gifts. Yup, NOW I know.

I want to just kick my shoes off, plonk myself into an oh-so-soft sofa and just watch a movie or read a book. Hmmmmmmm, I wonder what that would feel like.

I better rush. My little angel is waking up. Now starts the mad rush to get things done. Oh God, help me! Let me get through another day without losing my sanity!

To "ad"d or subtract

2009-03-03T19:37:00.005-09:00

Watching a movie on TV is real torture considering that you spent at least an extra hour on the advertisements. Who has that kind of time? With my daughter and my husband’s crazy schedule, it is so difficult to catch up. The other day, I practically had to pull up my eyes with toothpicks while I struggled to watch a movie, way into the night. Halfway through, I wondered whether I was enjoying myself or torturing myself. :D Practically every five minutes into the movie is interrupted with scores of ads.

On the topic of ads, I sometimes pause to think: Do these advertisers/ product companies really think it makes a difference? I cannot imagine one product that I have bought because I was a influenced by an ad. Yes, when a new product/service hits the market, it makes total sense to me. But on a daily basis, I consider them a sheer waste of time and money. For instance, I cannot imagine buying a certain brand of cement because a certain actress (looking constipated, really ) is promoting it. What is the chance of that happening? They should probably focus on some good sturdy building that they have built with it. Imagine this scenario:

Man at cement shop: I have come to buy good cement. What do you suggest?
Shopkeeper: This is blah blah cement. All builders prefer this.
Man: Staring at an ad… I will buy that cement instead.
Shopkeeper: But it is a new product.
Man: My favorite actress is promoting it. It must be good!

I do buy creams. To keep my skin moisturized. Period. I cannot imagine that it will make me fair. And what is the point in having a fair face and not-so-fair body. What about the rest of the body????? I am assuming that after applying the cream on the face, the skin on the hands will look towards the face and just imitate it. There are ads that show cream being applied on the face and voila! after 3 weeks, your entire body is fair. Amazing.

Have any of you seen that ad on a pickle in which the guy has an abnormally long index finger because of licking pickle all the time. It is a positive turn off to me. Makes my skin crawl. I am quite sure that I will never buy that pickle. In this case, I am sure that the competitor has designed the ad!

And those stupid ads on detergent. Will they ever stop? Fresh mango pulp, then iron it and still the stain vanishes just by dipping in the detergent… too much. I struggle with fresh juice stains. After several washes and the colour of the cloth actually fades, does it really go.

Of course, there are ads that are superb in content, like the ‘Jaago re’ ads. Very thought provoking too. Ads that show that the company cares enough to make an ad that will tip the scales in their favor. The print ads are somehow more appealing and drive home the point better. I think they should designate a time slot on TV just for ads. Because most people don’t watch when they play it between movies anyway.

Can you think of any ads that have bugged you to no end or the really hilarious ones…..?

Random TAG

2009-02-19T20:25:00.004-09:00

Nancy tagged me. I knew it was coming and I have not responded to a few of her earlier tags. So this one is for you, Nancy. But I cannot comply with the rules, because I do not know 25 people who blog. And amongst all of you, you have covered the few I know. So I will tag just one person. But I will do so in the future, the moment I have a few people that you guys do not know. I must say that I prefer tags to chain mails. Oh, I do hate them. These days I refuse to even open them.

I tag Ums

The rules:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

I am wary of any object being placed close to my face. This is what happens when you have eyes the size of saucers.
In addition to the above, when I am riding my scooter, if there is any flying twig/leaf or insect, you can be sure that it will find itself in my eye. I am sure that there is a Murphy’s Law on this.
After having a child, I often myself cleaning the table at the restaurant after a meal. This happens quite unconsciously. Yes, people with me and restaurant staff look at me strangely. At least this way, if I do not tip them, they might not feel so badly.
I have very bad fridge habits. I load it up silly.
I cannot get myself to keep my toothbrush in the toilet after reading some strange facts about flushing the WC. Yes, my toothbrush is on the fridge.
I often find myself buying groceries that I already have because I cannot maintain or prepare a grocery list. There are a pair of hands in my house that will invariably find it.
If there is an item for 50 bucks, you can be sure that I will pick it up for 100. My forehead must flash the “sucker” sign when I walk in to a shop. I cannot bargain for nuts.
I just can’t stand poetry, especially when I am asked to analyze it. Looking back, I would say that I did a pretty decent job with it, but I still hate it. I always hated the twisty turny way in which the poet would say his bit. Yeah yeah I know that’s what poetry is all about but I am a say-it-like-it-is kinda girl. I used to want to tell the poet - Stop dilly dallying, Say it like it is!
My friends call me psychopath because of my freaky obsession with cleanliness. I can handle a bit of dust and disorderliness, but it is general filth and lack of personal hygiene that makes me want to run. I must admit that if I visit a dirty house, I fantasize later about cleaning up their house personally.
They say the sign of a clean desk, is a cluttered drawer. That is so totally me! I just cannot maintain cupboards.
When I am cooking, I wash my hands so much that it annoys me too. I can imagine the person watching me. In no time, my kitchen cloth is soaked. But I just can’t help it.
When my daughter was a baby, I definitely gave her about 7-8 proper baths a day bedsides all the wiping after meals etc. Though my neighbors thought I was nuts, they loved the fact that they could drop in unannounced any time of the day and find Neha clean enough for cuddling!
People trust me implicitly with their kids. If I do pick up friends kids from school/bus, I even bathe them. Truth - The cleanliness freak in me kicks into action. I cannot bear the thought of dirty legs on my furniture. Though I discipline all kids like crazy, they rarely want to go back home.
I am a through and through shopaholic. I am ready to shop anytime with anybody. The smell of new clothes gives me a very heady feeling. My spirits immediately soar when I am in the mall. Once when I was depressed, I bought 3 blue nail polishes.
I am the bleeding heart kind. I will push aside any amount of important work to help somebody out. Most days, I will be running around like crazy helping out people and managing to complete my tasks for the day. I must confess that I expect nothing in return. In fact, I feel bad asking people for help.
When I was a kid, I would visualize aliens coming and landing their space ship on my roof and whisking me away. They would often say that they came all the way just for me.
With my analytical skills eye for detail and decently sharp senses, I always thought that I would be good at Forensic Science. Yes, that is the dream job for me.
When in rough times, I have often thought that it would be wonderful to win a lottery. But I always forget the first rule in winning a lottery - BUY THE TICKET!
I cannot jump into the kitchen first thing in the morning. I can cook for a hundred people for lunch and dinner, but breakfast freaks me out. I tire myself out just thinking about getting up and making breakfast.
I carry my own bed sheets whenever I suspect there is going to be a stay-over. The thought of sleeping on an unclean bed sheet is nightmarish. Let me tell you that there are a lot of people who don’t change the bed linen when guests come to stay. I don’t go overboard to explain myself. Incase I am asked, I say that it is because I do not want to spoil their beautiful bedspread! Ha Ha!
I am good at baking now. But once I baked a Marble cake. And it could have put any marble to shame. It put me off baking for a long time.
I used to love kicking butt in the office. When my husband and I used to work together, he would sweat when somebody would put their foot in their mouth by saying something stupid and when he would notice the evil glint in my eyes. Before getting into a meeting, he would implore me not to say anything.
When Neha was born, my MIL asked me to preserve the umbilical cord stump. I was horror-stricken. When asked for an explanation, she said that she would dry it in the sun, put it in a black sac and tie it around my kid’s waist or neck some place till the next kid was born. I was not so sure that I wanted another kid. The whole idea was kind of repulsive to me, so I watched that stump like a hawk. When it did fall, I got rid of it and pretended like I just did not realise it had fallen.
When I joined college in Bangalore, my mother used to give me 10 bucks. Some days, I was expected to have lunch with that money too. My bus fare itself used to work out to 7 bucks. I was so pissed. When my friend suggested that I make a bus pass, I jumped at the idea. All three years I would just accept that 10 bucks without a protest and lived life king-size!
I shoplifted from a card shop when I was in college. I had a younger girl with me who thought that it was cool. I feel guilty to this day. Even now when I window shop, I feel guilty when the shop’s sales people hover around near me.

Old school of thought

2009-02-17T19:33:00.002-09:00

This blog has been long pending. Wannabewriter’s previous post prompted me to go ahead and finish it. My daughter is 5 and currently in PP1. In the good ol’ days, known as Kindergarten. Somehow, the schools of today think that if they were to name the class a little differently, it makes all the difference. What is wrong with Kindergarten, Prep and then class 1.…? Anyways, so now I have another year to go till I put my daughter in a formal school. And so the hunt for a good school continues…

I am checking with parents who have already made their choice of schools as to what made it stand apart from the rest. I have ended up with a lot of mixed opinions. There are schools with exams and tons of homework. So much so that the kid is just flitting from school work to homework and no time to play. Result: Kids are angry and stressed. Parents are bugged with all the constant reminding and nagging about homework.

Then there are schools that have no homework and no exams. You’d think that everybody involved was happy with this kind? You are highly mistaken. Parents are bugged (yes, again) that there is no homework because kids are having too much free time and they are glued to the TV or refuse to get home from play at a decent time. And since there is no exam, there is no real seriousness and they get all worked up when they get to a stage where they do have exams.

Then there are schools that resort to all kinds of crap to make sure that parents are involved. They frequently get parents to participate in the festivals (we have at least 50 a year!) that are celebrated at schools. Now working parents are not able to make it to all of these. Result: Sad kid whose heart has sunk when he saw all the other kids’ parents and not his. The school cannot or does not want to see that these exercises are pointless.

Not to miss are the projects that are frequently assigned to the kids. I suspect that it is a gauge to ascertain the resourcefulness of the parents after a hard days’ work. Just imagine nursery kids being asked to find cuttings of different flowers based on colours etc. I am sure no nursery kid can even say Chrysanthemum. If there is any lesson learnt out of it, I want to know about it. Now stationery shops sell ready made projects. Can you believe this?

When we were studying ( I believe it was the last century), we were taught in school. All we had to do was revise at home. Now teachers think that this whole new breed of over-enthusiastic parents will do all the hard work. I think parents should approach the school in hordes and just let them know what is expected of the school considering the ridiculously high amount of fees that have to be paid. When I asked a friend why she did not approach the school when she had a small issue, she said that she feared that her kid would be singled out. And God forbid, if your kid does not already know what she is going to be taught at school. Then I believe that there are teachers who constantly taunt the kids about their inabilities.

So, to keep up with the times, parents are forced to resort to tuitions etc. I even know a KG kid who goes to tuition. Of course, it is not uncommon knowledge that teachers are purposely not teaching in school properly so as to convince parents that tuition will help.

Now Wannabewriter needs to tell me which is the school that her mother runs and if it has a branch in Hyderabad. :-D. All I want is a school that teaches all the kids need to know syllabus-wise in school. They should devote equal attention to physical activity. They should instill values. They should respect each child as an individual and not compare. They should help children to find their potential. They should work hand in hand with parents to ensure that each child ends up a well-rounded individual. I also think they should go the exam-way! Because, for any reason, if we have to change locations etc, it would be really stressful for the kids to cope. There must have been an odd-case here and there, when we were studying ,of kids committing suicide because of exams stress or bad results, as compared to today.

As I famously say: Very soon, they will have courses in schools on "How to be a child when you are actually a child!" Schools are really phasing out childhood!

I salute my school, The Indian High School, Dubai, for all that they have done for me.

Opinion

2009-02-09T01:27:00.002-09:00

The Barber Association has objected to the title of Shah Rukh Khan’s latest film - Billu Barber! Can we get more atrocious than this!

What is wrong with us Indians? This movie has been in the making for about a year or so now and surely we have been seeing promos and stuff for quite some time now. Why do we not raise issues well before hand if there are any? How could the word “hajjaam” possibly degrade barbers? Isn’t hajjaam the hindi equivalent of barber? And…. The Barbers Association? Wow!!!!! We do have all the time in the world to make associations. And then we disassociate ourselves from our sensibilities. Why do we waste precious time on trivialities like this? I cannot stop laughing at our ridiculousness. When Shah Rukh was asked if he used the word barber in the movie for publicity, he said that he IS publicity. Sigh……….! Anyway, getting back to the issue at hand, he even made light of it when he called it Billu Hairdresser! So much time and money has been spent on posters and other things concerned with the movie. Now to do a recall would be really wasteful. He said that he’d rather be spending this time teaching his kids than address a press conference on silly issues like this. Seriously!

Even this whole deal about Slumdog Millionaire. Though I am yet to watch the movie, I am sure that the point of the movie was not to convey that people living in slums were dogs. I do not even think that there is a single reference to that fact in the movie. And for heaven’s sake, why are we analysing that movie to death. I liked Aamir Khan’s take on a certain aspect of this issue. When he was asked what he thought of Shobha De’s comment when she said that if an Indian director were to make Slumdog, it would have fallen flat on it’s face. Aamir said that he had a very low opinion of Shobha De’s opinions. I just loved it!!!! The fact is that Slumdog is not an Indian movie. It is a movie made by a Foreigner about Indians in India. That does not make it an Indian movie. So why this debate? It is like saying that “The Myth” is an Indian movie just because Mallika Sherawat made a small appearance in it. But then I heard not too long ago that - Opinions are like ***holes. Everybody has them! :D

I feel that we have too many associations and too many charity outfits. I question the genuineness of them. If somebody dies, the family immediately sets up “The so and so Foundation for so and so Cause” Why can they not just add to an already existing Foundation on this particular issue. If the idea is to grab headlines, that will do too. This way, we would have fewer Charities and we would be able to contribute more freely without doubting it’s genuineness. In fact we could contribute a decent bit to all of them.

I feel like setting up an Association to end all Associations! I have to dwell on this a little longer. :-O

Fear Factor

2009-01-23T18:36:00.003-09:00

Two days back, I went to pick up food from a restaurant at about 21:30 hrs. Normally, I do not like to venture out at such times on the bike, alone. But my dad, who was visiting, expressed a desire to eat Mutton Biriyani. Since the restaurant did not have delivery boys that day, I did the needful. All the time mumbling prayers and shuddering at horrible thoughts I got to the hotel. I have been told that people could snatch the bags off your shoulders. A terrible incident had happened recently, where a couple with their two kids were on a bike, returning home. Two bikers with helmets on, came towards them in full speed, snatched the lady’s purse and headed in the opposite direction. The lady fell off the bike. She had to undergo 2 surgeries in the head alone. She has lost vision in one eye. They have put some spring in the head due to which, she is discouraged from bending down, for at least a year. Of course, she is going to be confined to the bed for a long time.

Sorry for deviating a bit. But anyways, here I was heading back. As I was approaching home, I saw a man who had fallen off his cycle. He seemed to be trying to get up. I slowed down and so did another lone lady rider ahead of me. The men were zipping past. But I stopped beside her and told her that he must be drunk. Let us move on. As I carried on, I felt bad at having judged him. Yes, we do see men just napping on the road after drinking themselves silly. But maybe this was not the case here. I should have ascertained whether he was drunk before moving on. He could have just been a poor old man who lost his balance.

But I fear. Fear to get caught in a crazy situation. If he was drunk, he could get all gropy and stuff. After all, we were just two women who wanted to help him. But I do still feel bad at having judged him. I asked God for forgiveness and also prayed for timely help for that man.

I don’t fear ghosts and stuff. But I do fear Man. Men, who sometimes crazed by desire are capable of doing the unthinkable. There are so many wonderful men out there. I know so many personally, But just one bad experience can ruin a lot for a woman. Another incident comes to mind. Happened about 8 years back. I had injured my back in an accident. I had difficulty walking. At times the pain was unbearable. I had left my bike at the garage and was heading to pick it up. It was about 12 in the afternoon. The place where I stayed at that time had a kind of long drive-in. Normally, the road that it led to would not have any autos. So we had to a bit of a distance to the main road. That day as I walked down the drive-in, I saw an auto parked and thanked my lucky stars. He agreed to take me to my destination. I sat in with terrible difficulty.

Since I was seated, I expected him to proceed. But he did not. I asked him to start. He said he would, but did not. Then he asked me to reach out at the back and hand him the cloth lying there. I did. I thought that he wanted to clean something. But he was just winding it around his hand. Then I realised with terrible fear about what was on his agenda. There was just one old lady hobbling along and he was waiting for her to pass. I opened my mouth to scream and no sound came out. My legs turned heavy and I knew my injured back would not allow me to move fast enough. But with all the courage I had, I pushed myself out of the auto. The blood had totally drained out of my face.

He then told me: Ok madam, let us go. But I just moved ahead of the auto and started hailing at an approaching car. The car stopped. It was my brother and his wife. They saw the fear in my face, but I was unable to speak. I just pointed at the auto and mumbled. My SIL immediately got hold of me and my brother gave that fleeing auto a chase. But he did not find him. Even today as I write this, I have goose bumps.

Now I step into autos mostly accompanied by other people or if the driver is a real old man. If he tries to act fresh, I can hope to overpower him!

Winds of change

2009-01-12T18:27:00.002-09:00

I am sometimes possessed by an urge to hurt people. No, I am not some kind of a sadist. These are people who make your life miserable for cheap thrills and money, that I am referring to. I feel that I should devote all it takes to teaching that person not to ever, EVER, do that to anybody again. But then the business of daily living and stuff come in the way and I abandon that venture all together. Then in hindsight, I still feel that I should have taken the effort. I always feel that our Indian society as such as a very laid back and chalta hai -approach to everything and that is the very ruin of our country as such. Like I remind my husband every time, Change begins with each one of us. We have to believe that what we are doing is right and move ahead with that confidence. Why am I moving from me to the country? Am I not making sense?? Let me explain.

We hired a designer to take care of the interior work of our home. With great enthusiasm, she sold herself. We cut and snipped to make sure that it fit into our budget and then proceeded. Neha was about a year and half then and we knew that it would be difficult for me to visit the worksite daily. At that time, I stayed about 25 km away. Though hiring a designer would pinch our pocket, we thought it would be worth it. It was far from it. She was so casual that I had to visit the site with the baby far more times than she did. She overplayed the costs for everything despite the fact that we gently reminded her from time to time that budget was the key word. She charged premium for damaged material. She hired carpenters from Chennai who would run there at the drop of a hat. They stayed at the site and trashed up the place pretty bad. It is only when they moved out and the dust cleared that things started showing up. There were some final touches that we called her in for. When we brought the flaws to light, she was defensive, blamed the whole world and refused to accept her faults. She also had two projects from our building from which she was fired. All I required of her through that exercise was to accept that she did not pay the necessary attention to the project and apologize. The fact that she refused to do that pissed me off.

We told her that we would pay her the last installment only after completion of the remaining work. She began to rant and rave and refused to move from the apartment. If my husband allowed me, I would have let her have it. For the sake of peace, he was even willing to pay her. Over my dead body. He convinced her to carry on at that time. She came later, screamed and ranted but I refused to pay. She threatened and what not, but I refused to budge. Later, I also send her a notice. I was convinced that I should go through the Consumer Rights Forum. After the notice, I did not pursue it. She also stopped calling when she knew the shit had hit the ceiling. But had I gone ahead, though it would have been painful, I would have been successful. Besides the compensation, it would have driven home the point that, she should never do this to anybody again.

I do believe that change begins with everyone of us.. We SHOULD make that effort to change. Yes it is going to be miserably, sometimes embarrassingly difficult. But we have to make that start. But my husband, though he knows what I say is right, does not like to get into all this. Of course, it is easier to wipe the dust off the shoulders and carry on. But I do feel that the message that we are giving to such people who grab our money and walk off is that: We do not care. This very pathetic approach spurns them on to do it to somebody else. My husband says to that: Why do you care? Is it our headache? No. It is not our headache, but we are helping to make a criminal. And that is a burden that I do not want to carry around. I know she is out there cheating other people. I hate that feeling.

We should publicly embarrass people who want our hard-earned money. I suddenly remember that scene in Munnabhai MBBS-II where the old man who goes to that government office and pays whatever little money he has on him as a bribe. He then apologizes for having only that much money and then begins to take off all his accessories and clothes, quoting their cost. The official was so embarrassed and moved the old man’s file immediately.

Should I just give up trying to change things around me? Make this world a better place. There is so much wishful thinking in me right now. Really, we could do away with so much ugliness if we only tried hard enough. And more importantly, if we were allowed to try……….

Really Moving on..

2009-01-05T02:23:00.000-09:00

I am pleased to announce that my indomitable fighting spirit is back. I have taken control of things since my last blog. Not much has changed, but my outlook has. Hopefully that should help. I do sometimes think that it is temporary, but it does help. I may not be able to change things around me, but I can change the way I view it. My mantra for the year is : Add life to your years not years to your life. Yeah Baby!

My bike may not be in the best condition. But it does move albeit after a couple of kicks. :D Next week, I am going to give it for service and the walk back home will be my exercise. I could make do with some weight loss! And the kicking till then, will amount to exercise too! Haa haa.

The stone that came hurling at the car, could have shattered it and hurt us. But it did not. The insurance might really have hard time controlling their laughter when they see us, yet again, but what the heck.

The crap that the fridge oozed has stopped smelling. Or maybe I have got used to the smell, I cannot make out. But it does not bother me. I do look at suspiciously every once in a while, though.

My maid can take all the leave she wants. I am managing the work just fine and my home does look better than ever. I scrubbed it clean yesterday and feel damn good about it. I am contemplating about doing away with the maid altogether. I will be substituting at Neha’s school for a week, without the maid to clean my home. Let’s see how that goes.

The standby for the standby maid has been arranged for. Just to swab the house though. Once I decide about having a maid at all or not, I might just go in for a high-tech mop of some sort.

The fish tank is back to looking good. I reached my hand in with scotch brite and scrubbed and then filtered the water like crazy. Seems to have worked. The fish are doing just fine and the babies, all fifteen of them are doing well. No casualties so far. The babies are 15 days old and growing.

I am going to attack the plumbing issue this month with a vengeance. I am just going to take the maintenance to task. I might have to change a lot of the fixtures but it is going to get done.

My husband has promised a paint job for the house at the earliest and a nice interior designer who did up a couple of my friends’ places is going to get into the picture. The TV stand ( I have visited atleast 10 shops in the past week, but nothing worked out) might soon be a reality and so also a bit of additional wood work that I have been aching to get done.

I started going to the gym. At 7 in the morning. So far it was vacation time for Neha, but now that school starts tomorrow, Let’s see how that goes. I am hoping to stick to that schedule. Otherwise, I will have to make do with evening walks when Neha plays at the sandpit. I did go to the parlour. So what if my face reacted to the fruit facial I got done. Can u believe my luck? My skin might be allergic to being treated nicely for a change!!!!!!!!!!

My husband is really stressed out at work. I am stressed out at home. We need to meet half-way through. That very difficult conversation needs to be initiated. I am going to have to get to it one of these days.

My friends have their life to deal with and I need to deal with my loneliness. I am not prepared at this point to let anyone that close.

My childhood has been a bone of contention all my life. I cannot go back and change it and I cannot deal with it either. I always get stuck here and it always comes back to haunt me.. Damn it.

But I know I am blessed in many ways. It is just that some of the unfulfilled needs as I was growing up was not met and that somehow holds me back. More than I care to admit. I am proud of how I turned out despite my situation.

Anyways, I am facing life full on, face rash and all, with renewed vigor. I should not waste time cribbing when it is slowly slipping by and all I will have when I look back will be regrets on why I did not use my time better.

Moving on, really??

2008-12-30T00:16:00.001-09:00

Very often this thought occurs to me. Am I depressed?? How we react to a situation depends on the state of mind at that given point. What I find rather irritating is when I am being kicked when I am already down. Time and time again. And for some crazy reason that only God has the answer to, many things go wrong at the same time.

Right now, these are the things wrong with my life:

My bike is not exactly in mint condition. It is on kick-start mode. Makes some weird sounds too. IF I take it for service, I have to walk back about 2 and half km. No auto wants to give a paid ride for that distance.

A stone came hurling at the car and the windshield is cracked. Can’t look at it and is expensive to repair. We have put it off indefinitely.

My fridge was defrosted the other day, Normally it leaks out onto the floor. Some mopping takes care of it. Strange arrangement, but that’s the way it is. But not this time. This time it decided to collect in the tray outside. And it stinks!!! I do not know what to do with it. Can’t push and investigate myself.

My maid has taken her umpteenth leave for this year. I have not taken a break in 5 years and I do not know how she manages with 3 kids, every other month. No maid this time of the year is depressing enough without having to take stock of the fact that I cannot afford a vacation.

The standby maid that I arranged for, did not turn up yesterday. She offered when I asked her to find somebody for me. And she has not turned up as yet. The prospect of cleaning up the house in the afternoon is not pleasant.

I cleaned out my fish tank the other day. It took me three painstaking hours to complete it. Yes, for a change I did it myself. The back pain seemed like nothing as I watched with satisfaction at what I had accomplished. It almost felt like I was cleaning out the crevices of my mind. Today, two days later, It looks streaked on the inside. Much like my mind, too! I feel terrible.

Several plumbing points in my house requires looking into. The builder has done a pathetic job the first time around and I am not able to find the time and resources to get it done. The building plumber will make sure that another point leaks as he leaves the house. I have to change a lot of plumbing.

I have some wood work to be done around. I have been scouting for a carpenter. Each says they will turn up, but they don’t. Why they say they will, I will never be able to figure out. And everybody wants only big jobs. They consider it a sheer waste of time to come around for small things. But I cannot do woodwork just to please them!

If I have to spare some time for myself, I have to really try far too hard. Sometimes I put it off because then there is just too much to be done before and later. Then the question of where to leave my daughter during that time arises. Then because of all the shoo-shaah surrounding this whole time-for-myself bit, I am not able to do things for myself that I should. No gym, no parlour, no nothing. And incase, I do manage to work out a schedule, my husband will just change his. And then the whole process starts all over again. It is painful.

Suddenly when holiday time nears, something starts to act up. All the bundled up emotions are unleashed. And so, my husband has decided to act funny. I tell him not to bottle up stuff. He has been having a tough time at work and the side-effects are showing up in our relationship. Yes, he will also find only this time of the year, to bring it out.

All of a sudden, a lot of my friends who were going to be in town, had to leave out of town. Normally I am around for everybody to lean on. When it gets to my turn, nobody is around. Yes, It is really important to feel lonely during trying times. Part of the great cosmic plan. Yeah, yeah everyone is around in spirit.

When all of the above are happening, I take the opportune time to delve into my past, as if the present is not depressing enough. And then I tell myself that had I had a nice childhood, I would care two hoots about all this. And now, the very foundation is all shaky and I find myself crying often. At all the things gone wrong…….

Yes, I know that I will find the strength to move on. But I never find the strength to repair. Or can it be done?? Amongst all this, we have to remain normal. Lest the kids know that you are disturbed, lest the extended family knows, lest your depression spreads onto others. I am in no position to take that burden too.

And then when I think I have moped around enough, I think about all I have. Yes, I am very grateful to God. Then I push all these feelings of inadequacy at the back of my mind. It does rear its head every once in a while. But I push it back. Only to come out all uncontrollable next holiday season. And as is likely in my case, when faced with all of the above, my mind ceases to function. If you ask me now, I do not even know what I want.

I just wanted to purge these out of my system and into cyberspace. Hopefully it will not find its way back.

Jinxed or what??

2008-12-22T01:02:00.002-09:00

I am beginning to really think that I need to check my aura. You know, go to one of the gypsy kinda places just like they show in the movies and have one of those colourfully-attired women to tell me what is wrong with me. If it is just one or two isolated incidents, I would have just ignored it. But this is just too much. Every single time, I put my foot forward to do something there is always that horrible, sinking feeling of - “Now what’s going to go wrong?”

Most electronic products I buy are faulty in some way or the other. You can bet that if there is one faulty piece in production, it would surely find it’s way into my house. If I was one to buy stuff at flea markets or be stingy about parting with my money or argue to death with the salesperson about the price etc, I would still think that they gave me a faulty piece purposely. I am the kind who would buy something for full price at a half-price sale. Yeah, yeah laugh all you want! I know it is really funny, but that’s me. I feel it beneath my dignity to ask for discounts. I really find it uncomfortable to even ask for the free products that come with what I buy in a supermarket! Though I want it. I actually kinda hate it when they do not attach the freebies to the product. That way it would save me a lot of embarrassment.

Once I bought a Kinetic Safari. I really did my homework, compared prices and mileage etc and settled on this rather aerodynamic looking scooter. I felt very powerful when I rode it. I donated my previous scooter to a church. It felt rather good to do that. Anyways, a week after a bought it, several other snazzy colours hit the market. Were they waiting for me to buy??? Ok. I settled with it. Then soon the bike began giving problems. It often found itself at the garage. When a product is faulty, the mechanics of the parent company, often give some vague reasons. You know at some point, that they are bullshitting but I could not, for the life of me, get myself to ask them to give me an exchange.

About a year back, we bought a Hyundai Accent. My husband must have done the rounds of the car showrooms for at least two months and a lot of deliberation before settling on our car. Finally it arrived. We checked it out and then drove it home. When we reached, I saw that there were some scratches on the panel of the rearview mirror. When we took it back the next day and pointed it out, the refused to accept their mistake. It might have just cost 50 bucks but they would not accept. We settled with it. Then after a service, we found that the foot mats were soaking wet every time we drove in the rains. Like the water was just coming in from underneath. No amount of pleas would get my husband to take it back and give those guys a piece of his mind. I shudder to think what the underneath of it looks like.

The computer keeps conking off. The Internet explorer version 7, seems to be giving trouble. Recently I upgraded it. And yes, you guessed right - It is giving me trouble. I can now open explorer, only if Norton is turned off!!! Now is that not kick-me-in-the-backside amazing!

This Christmas, as I pray for good health, I also pray that this rotten luck goes away. What about you, what is your Christmas wish?

Honking all the way!

2008-12-11T20:01:00.002-09:00

Road rage! Hmmmmmmmmmm… Do I have road rage? I read some dangerous statistics with regards to it. As I was headed back home today, I was quite sure that everybody in Hyderabad must grapple with it on a daily basis. Hyderabad road traffic (non)sense is hilarious. There basically is no sense. I got my driver’s license in Bangalore. We were made to learn not just how to manage and maneuver a car on road but also that we stick to our lane and blah blah. There basically was some semblance of discipline.

When my husband suggested that I drive here, I thought he needed help. God is really watching out for you if you get home everyday unscathed. I have seen people driving with their toddlers on the laps. And the one that really amuses me, overtaking at turnings. And mind you, at a signal the guy who at the far most left, mostly will head to the right! Then the horns go all blaring because the signal will turn red by the time the guy has done his thing.

In Hyderabad, I am sure anybody who has been here can vouch for it, is miserable when it comes to road sense. I think that when you go for your driver’s license test, you are told - This is your car and if you have decided your destination, Just go for it. Don’t bother about what comes in your way. Just honk, rant and rave, overtake from the left, graze and bash every vehicle that dares get in the way, jump signals, scare the living daylights out of those who are standing on the footpath. In fact, if it catches your fancy, drive on the footpath(only God knows where the footpath is).

Another thing is the horn. People even honk at signals here! Today, a monstrosity of a luxury bus was just blaring his musical horn all along. He must have nursed a desire to be a musician. Another guy kept honking continuously. I looked through the rear view mirror, half expecting a Merc. But it was a piddly bike. So u can imagine what the horn sounded like. There are some that sound like laughing babies, ducks and what not. I cannot imagine which idiot would pay money for stuff like that. I am pretty sure that I would not want my car to sound like a truck. No offence to those who enjoy it, I sorta kinda hate musical ring tones on mobiles too. I feel a phone should ring. Not sing. In fact most high end mobiles don’t even have the standard tring tring!

Having lived in Dubai, I cannot help but compare the traffic. Will mana Hyderabad ever get there? And the traffic cops! They deserve another blog altogether.

Neigh-bores

2008-12-03T01:07:00.002-09:00

All of us have some weird quirks. I have mine too. But I do have some weird people living a round me. Before I can make you feel that I am judgmental about people, I must point to the fact that I am very popular here and have lots of wonderful friends too.

My neighbour S and her family moved to some European country for a year or so. As they were due to leave, they had finalised on a tenant for their apartment and left me the keys to hand over to the tenants. Since the tenants had already seen the place, I just needed to handover the keys when they landed lock, stock and barrel in Hyderabad. About two weeks before they were to move in, the tenant (Mr. DS) gives me a call and says that he needs to see the place. I thought it was weird, so I asked a friend of mine to accompany me when he visits, just in case.

Finally DS turns up with a suitcase( he did not tell me that over the phone) and I open the door of the apartment to allow him to “see” the place. Let me tell you, his behaviour was so weird. My friend seconds that. It seemed to me that he was just doing this without purpose, that his intentions were different. I was just looming large around the place so that he would leave and get out of my face. Then all of a sudden he tells me that I should leave the keys with him as he wanted to empty his suitcase. I shat bricks. I was not prepared for this. The colour drained from my face. My only thoughts were: S had trusted me to look in on her apartment. This man is acting weird but the fact remained that S had met him and agreed to give the apartment. I handed over the keys.

For the next three days, I could not sleep. I was so convinced that he was either a depressed maniac who had planned to commit suicide or he was shady in the terrorist sort-of-way. Eventually his family did move in. And yes they are all very shady. I just can’t put my finger on it. I hate the way they stealthily approach the lifts, almost like a cat on the prowl. They all seem to have undergone a intense training program in creeping around. Of course, they have done several other things that makes me feel the way I do about them.

Then there is Mrs.A. I would rather undergo Chinese torture than have a conversation with her. She just drones on very listlessly about some mundane goings on in her life. I can compare it to scratching on a black board with your nails. Unfortunately her kid goes to the same school as mine and I unfortunately have to see her every day!! I’d rather smell dirty socks or chew at my hand rather than listen to her. I have seen her relating some stuff to another person, and that other person is happily carrying on a conversation with somebody else! Sometimes, I cannot even hear what she is saying, apart from the fact that her voice is so soft, her mannerisms are so weird that I cannot hear her. Has that ever happened to you?

Creating Difficulties

2008-11-28T02:38:00.003-09:00

The past few weeks have been hectic for me. My daughter joined Shiamak’s Institute of Performing Arts for the Winter Funk 2008. The show is to be held on 30th November, 2008. I am really looking forward to it. So the last few days have been spent in running around for the costumes, coordinating with the tailor and getting my daughter to the class in the evenings.

But another thing that caught me in the middle of all this was the sad goings on at friends place. I understand that any relationship can have differences, especially marital ones. But when people go out of the way to make peoples lives miserable is what saddens me the most. Adults, capable of thinking clearly are hurting each other in unimaginable ways. This lady I know (let us call her Sunita) has been married for a decade. Has two kids. Is working. And tolerating crap from her husband throughout all these years.

I can’t imagine living like that. Not knowing when the next blow is coming from. Not knowing what is going to piss my husband so bad that he can beat me up brutally without caring a damn. What a terrible life that must be!

***And the best part is that there is really no problem. The only reason this man is doing all this is because of his inferiority complex. I feel if someone is feeling so low and is not able to get his sorry ass to do anything about it, he should just go kill himself. Why take it out on people around him?

Her husband (let us call him Suraj) has no intentions of giving up his sadistic ways. He has told so rather openly. Recently, things got so bad that Sunita was pushed to the brink. She even contemplated involving the cops. But the law of our land seems more kind to the criminals (Yes, there are a lot of officials really interested in doing their jobs but that is another story all together). The few friends she confided in told her that to avoid filing an FIR, the cops would do anything. An FIR means that they would have to get off their backsides and actually do something about the case at hand. Yes, that would also mean that they would jail him without too many questions asked. Now Sunita was not sure she wanted all this. But she did want a divorce.

All I know is that, divorce is a really big thing and if she had thought things through and if she really wanted to go through with it. The kids no matter how many parental fights they have witnessed are going to torn apart, when they know that one parent is not going to be around. They already have their head all messed up and they are going to need all the love that they can get. But the peace that comes with knowing that you can really relax in your own home without being beaten up, is truly worth it all. And I am rooting for her. I feel 10 years is too long for somebody if they really wanted to reform themselves.

And as I write this blog, I feel terrible sorrow for the way our country is being attacked brutally. And I feel that *** (4th Para) applies here too. I feel that Suraj too is like a terrorist, terrorizing his family. And when we allow it to breed, it takes ugly forms such as these. When we allow our kids to beat up other kids, telling ourselves and them that after all they are kids and they will grow out of it. When we say terrible things to our loved ones without ones thinking about the consequences of those words. When we do not teach our kids compassion……

Do we really need all this ugliness? Amongst all the existing ugliness, do we need to further complicate our lives? Can we just not live and let others live?

In-laws

2008-06-09T17:40:00.000-09:00

I know that at this point, I must dedicate a label in my blog just for my in-laws. Surprisingly, given the circumstances, they are the most amazing, large-hearted, wonderful people that you can possibly imagine. They accepted me very openly and introduced me to the family. I pinch myself very often when I cannot believe my luck at having such wonderful in-laws. My MIL has stood by me so unwaveringly in the last 5 years, so much so that it brings tears to my eyes.

She has just good advice to any problem. She thinks through everything before saying it. Kind and friendly, she is the envy of the entire family because she always has people milling around her. Thankfully, my daughter has inherited that quality.

My husband and I worked in the same organisation then and were in the night shifts. Mine was an absolute graveyard shift. So when we would visit Hyderabad, I had the hardest time staying awake in the morning. My body was totally attuned to being awake at night. It was torture at its worst. I would drag myself out of bed in the morning, bloody eyed. I would struggle to stay awake. I would think – what would my MIL be thinking about me. All the hindi movies on the saas-bahu saga was not wasted on me. I just imagined the worst. To top it all, my MIL would not say anything about it. Worse torture. I thought something big was coming my way. My mind conjured up the worst and slowly, I mentally prepared myself for the onslaught.

Then a month and half later (yeah, yeah after the wedding), I discovered I was pregnant. My MIL did not offer any out-of-the-way tips or intrude. She even till date has never interfered in Neha’s upbringing. In fact she was so helpful during my last 2 months of pregnancy. She would not allow me to lift a finger. Needless to say, I felt very guilty. When I would wake up, I would ask her to give me any job that I could accomplish by sitting. Since I started bugging her, she would wake up even earlier and complete all the work.

Like I told my MIL sometime back. Though Neel and I were so unlikely to meet, we did. It was really not because I was destined to meet my husband this way. It was because I was meant to meet my MIL. :D

Wedding tales

2008-05-19T18:39:00.000-09:00

I am a Malayali christian, married to a Telugu Brahmin. A marriage of culture, language and religion. When we suggested marriage to Neel’s folks, there was a slight uproar. But not all that much. They accepted rather quickly. My dad (based out of the country then) knew. But he took time (like way after the wedding) to inform my mom.

Though I was mentally prepared and shopped as carefully as I could for the ceremony, nothing prepared me for the actual thing. For one, my husband was totally clueless about the ceremony. Whilst shopping, I kept having conversations with my MIL-to-be about the things I need to buy, How many sarees to pick up, what kind etc. She was very helpful. Based in Bangalore at the time, before leaving for Hyderabad, I asked my MIL one last time if there were any last minute inclusions. None.

Being extremely style conscious, I had picked up some tastefully gorgeous and expensive sarees. After all, you get married once. I wanted the video and photos to be as memorable as my special day. Can you imagine my shock, when my MIL turns up about two hours before the ceremony with a white cotton saree with a red border and asked me if I had a blouse and skirt to match. Dammit! I thought Hindus did not wear white for auspicious ceremonies and steered clear of that colour. Did she assume that I was somehow carrying all colours of blouses and skirts for sarees??? I had to exercise tremendous willpower and patience. And to top it all, she also pulls out a XXL size, pathetic blouse and asked me if it would fit. “NO IT WOULDN’T” I wanted to scream. At that point, to me, she was the typical MIL. All set out to ruin it for me.

My friends, seeing that I was about to explode, offered their shoulders. Where in heaven’s name was this going to work? I still had to find a white skirt and reduce the blouse to four sizes less to fit me. (MIL offered white thread too!!) The temple was situated atop a hill and my friends had no clue where to begin. They ventured out and turned up an hour later with a horrendous stiff white skirt. Wear it with that cotton saree and I could imagine how it would turn out. More anger. I was busy plotting as to how I would let my MIL have it. Why did the woman not ask me to get those things?

Fortunately for me, I am very photogenic. That trait stood by me and the photos were good. I looked as good as anybody could with some gooey brown stuff stuck on top of my head, showered with yellow-coloured rice and vermillion. They seem to take a lot of trouble to make the bride and groom look as ugly as they possibly could. We had to hold the gooey brown stuff in our bare hands for almost thirty minutes. I thought at some point, the pujari would ask us to eat it. You cannot imagine the incredulous look I had when he asked to splatter it on top our heads. My washed, conditioned and set hair, all in ruins. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggg!! It did not end there, I had to sleep with it!! And wash my head at 3 am with cold water. Believe me it was an experience. I told myself, no wonder in India we get married only once. You will not have the guts to go through something like this all over again. The ceremony seemed to last for ever. I stopped feeling that I had legs after all the cross-legged sitting.

Now I really understood all those wedding pictures of other people I saw. Now I truly understood why they had that painful look in their eyes like they were having a nervous break-down or that they were dragged and forced to marry. The torture was showing through.
Christian rituals are normally very simple and easily understood as they are performed. What was I getting myself into?? I had to plan carefully, once my husband and I get back to Bangalore, I was not going let them have this kind of pleasure to torture me again.

Now let me in on your wedding experience. Did you have a bad hair day or forgot to carry some essential things… I am sure we would all have something to share.

For what happened later and how things are now, I will keep you posted in my later blogs….

Flying Menace

2008-04-30T18:18:00.000-09:00

Now that summer is here, I will talk about a topic very close to my skin. Namely–Mosquitoes. :-D

Now clearly, what was God thinking when he made them. Ok, Ok, they have their place in the ecosystem. But only because, they were made in the first place. Seriously, I think God should have given it a miss.

Many years ago, Amitabh Bachchan had delivered this famous dialogue in a movie – Ek Machchar aadmi ko hijra bana detha hai! For many years, I tried to fathom what that dialogue meant. I almost seriously thought that a mosquito bite can change a man into a hijra. I still remember that I was petrified of coming in contact with a mosquito (wonder why!). But since I was living in Dubai and surely back then we did not have mosquitoes, at least in the area we lived. So we were all safe.

Of course, much later, I really understood what that dialogue meant. How silly and naïve I was. I was rather young too.

But getting back to mosquitoes and present day, they have really become smart. I used to live in Bangalore before moving to Hyderabad. There, at least in the good ol’ days, mosquitoes ‘sang’ (bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz) when they approached you. So you were aware and had the option of launching a counter attack. Like a fair fight. In Hyderabad, they stealthily approach you and quietly polish off a few litres. No jokes, they are quite large in size. Another thing. Earlier, when u run the fan on high speed, they did not have a chance to get at you. Wind speed would prevent them from flying. So, even when you knew they were around you could surely get sleep. But today they fly short distances, till they perch themselves on the bed, have access to your hand/leg and keep attacking. How devious!

Earlier, they would bite only on bare skin, now they can bite through your clothes. Is there a way out?

I remember a few years ago, a friend had bought a 3rd floor apartment in Bangalore. I asked him how he had the guts to keep his windows open and he said there is no way mosquitoes can fly this high. I stay on the sixth floor and these blood suckers can get to even the 100th floor. Via the lift! They also keep themselves abreast with technology.

I take my daughter downstairs to play for about 3 hours and I am at the receiving end of the deal. And if I dare forget to shut the windows at night, I had it. You know, when you get to the bedroom at night, you are looking for tell-tale signs. There is nothing. So I switch on GoodKnight anyway and hit the sack. A few hours later, I am splattering the walls. This exercise keeps me up for at least half an hour. There are times that I have found about 40 of them. Of course like in those ads where the machine becomes a frog and traps mosquitoes, I have become so good at catching them with my bare hands that I can almost turn it into a successful sport. I go about this whole exercise with an evil glint in my eyes. I remember, a few years ago, when I was visiting Nancy in Dubai. In the middle of the night, I could here continuous click, click sounds. I asked her the next morning if she heard too. She said she was the cause of it. She had one of the gas lighters with a flame and she was torching cockroaches. Can you imagine, in the middle of the night. Talk about sadistic thrills. I laugh about it till date.

I fancy buying those mosquito racquets one of these days. Turn them on and sizzle, sizzle. Heee ha ha ha. The problem is that I have to keep it away from Neha, lest she gets a shock.

But I am going to seek revenge one of these days. This is the point where you’d hear the sound track of evil laughter. But since I am unaware of how to do it, please go ahead an imagine it.

I've been Tagged

2008-04-29T01:22:00.000-09:00

Last Movie You Saw In A Theater:
TASHAN. Last Saturday(26th April). Please give it a miss and incase u insist on going, do not carry anything that u can kill urself with!

What Book Are You Reading:
A prisoner of birth by Jeffrey Archer

Favourite Board Game:
Scrabble

Favourite Magazine:
Good Housekeeping. I wish there were lesser ads in it though

Favorite Smells:
The smell of new clothes. If there were such a perfume, I’d buy it!

Favourite Sound:
Neha’s laughter when she laughs real hard at something. U know the kind that brings tears to the eyes (of the person laughing.)

Worst Feeling in The World:
When with all your heart you want to help, but you can’t.

What is the First Thing You Think of When You Wake?
These days it is – I will be calm today, no matter what.

Favorite Fast Food Place:
There is this joint called VACS near my home. I think it is awesome.

Future Child's Name:
Whatever it is, it will have only 4-5 letters. My husband’s family has real long names and I dread having to name my kids like that. In Andhra, they have really long names and end up abbreviating them, like, A.P.P. L. Vijayalakshmi !!!!

Finish This Statement. "If I Had A Lot Of Money I'd...
I’d without a doubt, shop for me and my family, decorate my house to my hearts desire, invest for the future and give to charity. Exactly in that order.

Do You Drive Fast?
Not after I have had Neha. Better safe than sorry!

Do You Sleep With A Stuffed Animal?
Not averse to it, but I don’t.

Storms-Cool Or Scary?
Definitely scary.

What Was Your First Car?
Fiat Palio.

Favourite drink: Water. Boring aren’t I. I do drink alcohol, but can’t term it as my favorite

Finish This Statement, "If I Had The Chance I Would .....
Have had twins and be done with it. The idea of being pregnant again is scary.

Do You Eat The Stems On Broccoli?
Never cooked it at home. But I have eaten it at restaurants. If they served it with stems, I have eaten it.

If You Could Dye Your Hair Any Color, What Would Be Your Choice?
Red. That looks black normally but when I step out into the sun, it should have a healthy red sheen.

Name All The Different Cities/Towns You Have Lived In.
Kerala, Dubai, Bangalore, Vishakapatnam, Hyderabad

Favourite Sports To Watch:
Synchronized swimming, basket ball, Tennis

One Nice Thing About The Person Who Sent This To You:
Looks at the brighter side of stuff when I really need it!

What's Under Your Bed?
A clean floor. I love it!

Would You Like To Be Born As Yourself Again?
Yes, definitely me but born to the Mittal’s maybe!

Morning Person Or Night Owl?
These days, night owl. When I used to work, I was a morning person!

Over Easy Or Sunny Side Up?
Eggs & disposition – over easy.

Favourite Place To Relax:
My home.

Favorite Pie:
Can I cheat and say I like cheesecake better. U see, when I see cheesecake I never take the pie!

Favourite Ice Cream Flavor:
Black currant

Of All The People You Tagged This To, Who's Most Likely To Respond First?
First I have to learn to insert a link.

How strange!

2008-04-25T21:00:00.000-09:00

In the past two years, since we moved to our home, I have noticed some strange occurrences. Sounds spooky?? Is your hair standing on the end?? Well I am not feeling spooked or anything. And neither do I believe in deep, dark forces. But still, something really strange is going on.

At any given point of time, some tap or the other begins to drip. I wrestle with it the first few days. You know, like tighten it with all the strength that I can muster till I turn blue in the face. After I have done it and closed the door behind me, I step back in once more to see if the efforts have been paid off. After a few of these desperate trials, I make up my mind to call in the plumber. And then voila! It stops dripping and some other tap takes over. Now is that not strange or what?

My hesitance to call the plumber in the first place is well warranted. We pay a monthly maintenance to our society and there is a plumber available. My past experiences have taught me that well, I am a better plumber!! He surely causes trouble elsewhere before he leaves or breaks some of my stuff. Makes me want to stuff him down the drain!

But this has been going on for a while now and I am wondering – hmmmmmmmm!!
The other day, my computer keyboard suddenly decided that none of the alphabets in the middle row would type. I had to copy paste alphabets from my existing files to arrive at my email ID and passwords etc. So that I could go ahead and check my emails at least! I borrowed my neighbors spare keyboard till I got mine repaired. I returned their keyboard and went away for a week to my in-laws. When I came back, I just plugged in my keyboard to check my mails and it is absolutely fine! I did not repair it and it works just fine. Sometime, the monitor refuses to switch on and the same thing; I switch it off for a while and a few hours later, Alls fine. Now what do you have to say to that?? Strange or what?

Cand-id!

2008-04-10T20:39:00.000-09:00

Every once in a while, I come across something, a picture or article or witness a scene maybe, that never fails to bring a smile on my face. I keep recalling it and grinning the whole day. ***

I have always had an aversion to kirana shops. Somehow, I do not like pointing out at items from far and having to keep telling the shopkeeper, “Not that one, the other brand. No, the bigger pack.” I’d rather be able to venture close to the aisle and check out what I want, especially if there are offers and stuff. And most of the time, the shopkeepers at the kirana shop are irritated with performing these tasks the whole day; they are in general, pissed with the world. You shop there in the evening close to shutting time and you are sure to walk away in a foul mood.

***In today’s Times of India, somebody wrote in about how every time a shopkeeper does not have change to give, he slips a candy or bubblegum across the counter in lieu of change whether u want the candy or not. And it is not like they offer it to you politely with an explanation. They just assume that it is OK. And notice that they will never look you in the face while they do it. So this guy (who wrote in), when he did not have change after a purchase, offered some candy to the shopkeeper and he refused to accept it. :D. Needless to say, he was annoyed that the same ploy did not work.

I personally hate being offered that candy. And if my daughter happens to see it, I had it. When she does not see it, I quickly slip it back to him and ask him to keep the change.

Neha was introduced to candy about a year back. Most of the time, in the good old days, I would give her Hajmola when she asked for candy!!! (Wicked mom!!). Now she is wiser. Well, I knew it was bound to happen once she starts school. One day she saw a kid licking at something. She asked me what it was. She was 3 and half then. I told her it was a lollipop. And then we introduced lollipop in her life.

Odyssey (a bookstore) opened up near us. About two months back, on the ground floor, they opened a candy bar. The colors and variety are amazing. Ofcourse after they opened the candy bar, I avoid frequenting the place with Neha. When she set her eyes on it the first time, I saw the look in her eyes. Priceless!!

She asked me: “What is that colour-colour stuff, mamma?”
Me quickly: “Dog Food!”

She must have secretly wished she were a dog!

Annual Day

2008-04-07T08:32:00.000-09:00

My daughter had her Annual Day on the 29th of March. Since I used to frequent the school to help with the arrangements, I was fairly aware of the goings on. But as I watched my daughter on stage, my heart swelled with pride. The theme for Nursery was Festivals and Neha’s class danced to a peppy Christmas song. Of course they missed their beats and had to be prompted. But it was so amazing to watch their personalities unfold on stage. Towards the end of the song, Santa came on stage and they were all to form a train behind Santa. Just at that moment they sprayed a snow can on stage for effect. But since the kids did not experience it during their practice sessions, there were totally thrilled to bits. Santa forgotten, most kids rushed to the snow to catch it and get it all on themselves. It was a riot. Only two kids still hung on to Santa trying to keep up with the beat.

My daughter was in the team that said the school prayer, the Christmas dance and also swayed to “We are the World”. Neha was in the second row. But she decided at some point that that is not where she wanted to be. So she let go of the hands she held, forced her way in front and separated two other kids to be in the front row. She totally had a ball with the whole thing. Her Grandparents and we were so thrilled to find out that she was not shy on stage.

The fact that we were locked out of our house and had to break the lock to get in and the fact that our car met with another freak accident all in the same night, could not take away from the happiness that I experienced watching my little girl for the first time on stage.

Home and work - 2

2008-04-04T00:51:00.000-09:00

I think I did not communicate very effectively in my last mail. The issue at hand is that I need to get back to work. I am unable to do so for the following reasons:

· My daughter aged 4 is currently in nursery. The school hours are only till 12.
· Her summer vacations begin in a week and will be on till mid-June. Putting her in day care at this point will mean that she will have to spend at least 6 hours there all of a sudden
· I do not have immediate or distant family staying even within a 10 km radius of my home.
· I do not have a live-in maid. An option I am not particularly fond of. I have a good maid but she has young kids at home.
· There are no professional daycare centers in Hyderabad. I have visited several and they function very badly. The children, I observed are dirty and crying and in the hands of untrained maids. Most times the only recreation the kids have is TV.
· My in-laws (wonderful people) stay 25km away in a place that do not have good schools and is home to only Telugu-speaking people. I am not that comfortable with the language and getting good maids is definitely a problem. Moving there will be the beginning of other problems.
· It is difficult for my in-laws to move in with us because they are comfortable amongst their own set of relatives there and my FIL needs a lot of care health-wise.

My earlier blog mentioned about a certain set of people who somehow have all favorable conditions in place that allows them to earn. And I am surrounded by a lot of them, in apartment complex we stay in. I really need to start working to get a few things in order but nothing around me seem to favor it and I am getting infuriated. Emotionally, I seem to be always at battle with myself looking for that one option that will allow me to do what I need to.

Home and work

2008-04-03T08:47:00.000-09:00

Those who have the potential of earning large amounts of money also seem to have everything in place almost as if by magic. For example, they have immediate or extended family living with them or close by to look in on or care for the kids. Otherwise they seem to have some live-in maid from some village far away who has no qualms in moving around the country with the family.

The rest of us seem to just have to manage and struggle somehow or give up all hopes of adding to the income. Typically I belong to this second group. For the longest time I have been battling with the idea of getting back to work. The biggest factor that holds me back is my 4 year old. Her school is only till 12pm. After which I have to figure out a way of taking care of her. My husband works nights. If we have to make it work, it is going to cut it real fine, timing-wise. That means any traffic delays or last minute meetings are really going to cause havoc. The tension itself is a killer.

I am really coming up against the wall on this one. Any suggestions are welcome. The biggest hurdle at this point is the summer vacations. I cannot expect Neha to manage in the daycare for a whole day all of a sudden. It is going to be very cruel on her. Of course, I can’t just take up any job after having worked in some very prestigious companies for 10 years. My ego won’t allow it. I recently interviewed at a company who were looking at some middle management positions. Despite reading my profile, the lady asked if I would be interested in taking up a consultant position (starting level in their organisation) because they were struggling to get people at that level. Needless to say, I have not joined them. I spent 10 years climbing up the ladder. I do not see any reason to step down now.

In some countries, there are so many part-time positions that mothers with young children can consider. When will India come around?

Freak accident

2008-03-26T03:07:00.000-09:00

March 7, 2008 was an unbearably eventful day. Could things have gotten any worse? We were just reeling from a credit card fraud to the tune of Fifty thousand rupees (then we believed) when we met with an accident. The actual amount now stands at 77K. Totally freak. My life did not flash before me or anything. Yes, there could have been other casualties. We almost hit a six-seater auto packed to the hilt. Since it happened at a signal, people behind braced themselves, I guess.

This truck behind us hit us and then proceeded to move forward, into our car of course. They say there is always a first time. That was the first time that I ever heard glass shatter. It released its deathly hold just short of the driver-side door. That is when we lost control and moved to the left side almost hitting a vehicle. Why he hit us is still a mystery. After all that, the driver of the truck had the audacity to blame us. As expected, he did not have a single document on him. We proceeded to the police station to file an FIR. The Cop told us that it is a long drawn procedure and if we want to bother ourselves at all. Wow! Thanks for the vote of confidence, man! We went ahead anyway.

Of course it is now more useless than used toilet paper! In our country we can use the tax payers’ money & keep up the drama in court for ever and ever! Really what were they thinking when they drew up the law. Funnily it always seems to favor the criminals. If I tell my husband that we will stick with it, he asks me if all I care about is fighting. I tell him that change begins with each one of us. That is why the bad guys feel stronger.

IF I were to ever hurt anybody out of my fault, I WOULD compensate him/her. It is not fair to think that just bcos somebody owns a car/house, they have all the money in the world. I am sure that I would not be able to sleep a single night till I made sure that the person I wronged was okay. And I am not saying this bcos I was a victim!

The best part is that in all the drama that took place on the road. There were 2 traffic cops who came to be part of the audience. I was amazed at their casual behavior. After we finished with the cop station, one of them called in the evening. For money! Neel asked him why he wanted money. The cop did not even say a word to the truck driver. He responded by saying that he was new on the job and did not know how to handle the situation. It seems the only thing they taught him in police training school is how to obtain money from hapless people. Amazing!

Positive Thinking

2008-02-19T21:01:00.000-09:00

“When you want something with all your heart, the whole universe conspires to give it to you.”

I chanced upon this statement on Oprah Winfrey the first time and I was intrigued by the very power those words held. I was rooted to my chair for a long time trying to take in the essence of those words. It felt really good. So positive. I did not dwell on it for too long.

The next time I heard those words was in the movie ‘Om Shanti Om’. When Shah Rukh Khan (Sigh!!!) with those amazing deep soulful eyes and dimpled smile delivered those very same words, my heart skipped a beat. Not just because of SRK but again at the very power of those words. I must say that I have not heard something as powerful in a very long, long time.

It really gets you thinking as it seeps into your mind. I went into deep-thinking mode. What is that I really want? I really want a job. That does not keep me away from my daughter. Not for too long at least. And I want a great pay for that job. And a good boss. And good colleagues. Not really impossible. Might have to tone down my expectations on the pay bit though! Yes that is what I really, really want. And mind you, I also want to make a difference in the world with that job. Now I am getting tough.

Well let me try and sum it up a bit differently, I want some financial stability. Currently with only my husband working, we are doing fine, but we could do better. There is not a lot of savings though. But so early in our married life, I think we are doing quite OK. But things could really be better. We could breathe a little easier if there were some savings. The only way to achieve that is, if I were to get back to work. I can’t possibly win the lottery. For that I’d have to buy a lottery ticket. I have never been ‘lucky’. I have had to work real hard for all that I wanted. Of course I wish I could be lucky for a change and have everything I want served to me on a platter. Nah, not the money. The job that I want.

Anyway, I am letting the power of positive thinking wash me over. I know things will change. If not, I know I will.

Mob mentality

2008-02-13T20:26:00.000-09:00

My husband works with a call centre as AVP – Operations. He works nights. So on an average day he arrives at about 8:30 or so in the morning. This morning he walks in busy on the mobile.

The issue at hand was the fact that a cab dropping some employees on a certain route met with an accident. The driver may have slept at the wheel. The cab lost control, hit something and then nose-dived into a pit. The driver immediately clambered out and ran away. The cab had hit a water suction machine. This machine then went on to hit a worker (maybe) on his head. He died (I am not sure how they ascertained that) on the spot. There were 4 employees in the cab who seeing that the driver ran away, also managed to get off the cab and got into one of the company’s vehicles passing by and reached their homes albeit with a few injuries.

How sad! How terribly sad, that they all left than man dead and lying on the road like that. It deeply saddened me. I told my husband that what they did was very wrong and that they should not have deserted him like that. My heart goes out to that man. Maybe he had a family and maybe he was their sole breadwinner. Maybe…. So many possibilities!

But then what would have happened to all those employees who out of their goodwill decided to stay back. A mob would collect at the spot. Before they even realise what happened and how, they would rain blows on the suspected offenders. I have often seen that in our country, people need an excuse to release their frustrations. They do not care who. More often than not, they might not even know the victim, but they do not want to lose a good opportunity to thulp somebody when they have the chance. Mob mentality! The only people who have everything to lose, is of course, the victims family. A chance at immediate medical help, that might have helped him survive. Monetary benefits, which would come if the mob would allow it, to come a little sooner. Because then all the right people would be notified and the victim and his family would get all the help that they deserve. If only it were not for the mob….

So even people who really want to be around and make amends, might have to hold themselves back. When I heard my husband on the phone with his seniors and staff, I was really angry at their insensitivity. But this is life and that is just the way things are. The employees, who were involved, were genuinely sad that this happened. But they were helpless! The mob…….

Kids and abuse

2008-02-11T20:35:00.000-09:00

Last Sunday at a family gathering, I met my husband’s cousin’s wife (Renuka) who works at a school in Hitech city. She lived in the US prior to this for about 7-8 years and also taught part-time in schools there. At the function, we saw a girl aged about 10 wearing a halter-neck top. My trained eyes told me that she was either uncomfortable or wearing it for the first time. (B’cos she was tugging at it).

Renuka asked me what I thought the appropriate age to wear such an outfit was. My response was: Firstly this is the wrong occasion for it. Maybe a party at their home with friends would probably be the right setting. Secondly maybe age 3 – 7 maybe would be appropriate if worn in a family gathering. Don’t get me wrong. I am very modern in my thinking and dressing too. But I stop to think about what we are exposing our children to when we attire them in short and midriff exposing outfits especially as they are maturing.

Renuka shared another incident which got my hair to stand on its ends. One of the school buses of her school apparently stopped at some location everyday while taking kids back from school whilst the driver and conductor, got off and urinated in full view of the kids. Can u imagine?

It is very important for us to maintain dialogue with our kids and encourage them to share without being judgmental. On a DAILY basis. So that, we do not miss out on anything, that goes on in their life when they are out of our sight. It is difficult and inappropriate to stick by their side all through out the day. There are so many wierdos out there. More often than not, it is a kind looking uncle who we think means no harm. And these days, it is not just the girls who are victims but boys too.

Last summer when our pool opened, we had fun splashing around with our kids. I then began to notice this certain gentleman who seemed to keep gravitating towards young kids. Preference seemed to be girls, if they resisted he would head to the boys. He took it upon himself to teach the kids to swim when he was only walking in the pool himself. He seemed not interested in talking to the kids’ parents’. A victim of sexual abuse, my sixth sense told me that something was not right about this gentleman. I observed him for many days. My gut instincts are never wrong about these things. Then I began to share with my friends in the pool and also observe him. I asked them not to be hasty but just to advise their kids to seek their help if they were having trouble swimming. A couple of days later, the man stopped visiting the pool. I presume he must have been told off or got the hint that we were in on him.

I urge all parents to open a dialogue with their kids about right touch and wrong touch and other forms of abuse at the earliest so that our kids are armed with knowledge. These days the main offenders seem to be teachers and principals etc. How can we help in such scenarios. And believe me, it can be a very scary experience, bcos more often than not the offenders threaten with dire consequences. Try and get into a child’s mind to find out what it must feel like. Do not let it be too late. It scars the mind.

Who will cry when you die?

2008-02-06T23:42:00.000-09:00

I just when through a very low phase in my life recently when I suddenly felt that everything is so wrong. Needless to say, I was depressed and desperate. I have loads of friends. But now I can very safely say that that I am their friend. But they are not mine. Meaning to say that I drop in on them and check in to see if all is well with them every once in a while. But the same is never reciprocated. Not that I am expecting it on a day to day basis but suddenly when you are low, you’d wish that someone reaches out to you. I am really not expecting some one to solve my problems either but just to reach out and listen.

I had a good friend in the complex but as luck would have it, she shifted to Delhi. Again I would be there for Vaishali more than she could be there for me. Out of no fault of hers. It is just that when I would need her, she would be far away, geographically. But I knew she was there and that I could offload when she got back. But that is not possible. As a result I seemed to have withdrawn from general public as such.

Coming back to my blog title, as I was shopping for my daughter’s story books, I just wandered into the self-help section and chanced upon this book called “who will cry when you die” by Robin Sharma. It was almost like it was calling out to me. No the book is not as depressing as it sounds. I have begun reading it and it is rather simple really. Very basic things to follow in life. Simple things to do to get simple happiness out of life. And which really leads to tremendous joy in the end. Very simple, very profound. Normally I’d hate the feeling that I have to rely on such means to draw me out of depression, but it seems to have been worth it.

Robin Sharma says that the first 30 mins of your day is really important to gauge how the rest of your day is going to be like. So focus on positive and good things during the first few moments of your day and the rest of the day is sure to be good. You will deal with the problems at hand more effectively. I suddenly realized that the first thing I do with my day is pollute my mind with what is there in the morning paper. The world’s problems. Depending on what the morning paper has to offer, my mood would reflect it. So now I have positively decided to focus on something else, the Bible perhaps or some book that will help me uplift my thoughts.

My husband saw the title of my book and thought I had lost it!!!

So three cheers to positive thinking and positive living!

Wisecrack

2008-01-04T17:49:00.000-09:00

Old wine in a new bottle

The below conversation took place when I was upset with my in-laws for declining to stay with any one of their kids.

Me: Now that you are young, you listen to us. When you are a big girl, we will be old. Then we will listen to you.Neha: (Very sadly) Mamma, please don’t be old. You be new only!

Smarty pants

Neha, You want to go to the toilet, right?
No Mamma.
I know you want to.
I said no mamma.
But I can see it on your face. I know you have to go now.
Turns around a looks at her butt. But it comes from here, right?
How can u see it on my face then?
I had to struggle to keep a straight face.

Brooding over.... (part 1)

2007-12-08T23:59:00.000-09:00

Every once in a while, I go thru a phase that is brought on by PMS, the fact that the bulk of our earnings are going to repay loans, not having taken a single vacation in the past 6 years, me not working yet, hubby’s crazy hours at work, his crazy passion for sports ( watching it, or playing it when he is not working) and a little girl who makes crazy demands on my time, having to make up for both parents all the time, no free weekend to laze around, skin, hair and health looking pathetic because I am not taking care of myself and the fact that none of the above is fair to go thru on a daily basis! Wow, that is one looong sentence!

Don’t take me wrong, my husband is a wonderful man and my daughter is adorable too. Neel gives me my space to do what I want to, no questions asked. It is just that he does not give me the time to do it. You see, he works nights. Well the definition of night varies. It can begin at 2 in the afternoon for instance. And can go on till about 11 the next morning. And for the longest time, his timings have never been the same as the previous day. Most days, I have just finished cooking lunch and after eating, I have to get back in to make his dinner. Even if I keep a cook, I still have to get in later to cook his dinner. So I am paying the cook and laboring myself.

After Neha was born, I cannot remember spending more than 2 minutes in the toilet or bath even. I usually wash my hair and body bathe in installments!! And do not ask me how I break up the big job. I just do it. The moment I get in and settle down, Neha will go “Mamaaaaaa!!” Either she has fallen down or spilled something or it is the worst ever… Silence. That means something unthinkable is happening! You know, like getting a spray can in the hand and spraying it into her eyes. Yes I have caught her and almost averted danger.

She reminds me of wicked little mouse who is out to play when the cat is away…

Searching

2007-12-08T23:03:00.000-09:00

After sitting at home for about 4 years now, I am yearning to get back to office. There is a bit of me that hurts thinking about my daughter and what my being away from home will do to her (I had a working mom). I do not even have a plan in place for her care. But in the meantime, I am busy searching for jobs anyway. After a few weeks of searching on the internet & coming to no conclusion, I think I have come to a conclusion.

I have about 10 years of work experience & believe me, I enjoyed a lot of importance at the work place. I have a feeling that I am trying subconsciously to resurrect that part of my life. I just want companies to WANT to employ me. Every time, I get on the net, I kind of expect that maybe there is this perfect job out there, that is just screaming out my name.

There is this big part of me that fears if I am capable of delivering anything at all. What if I fail? I am hoping that in some crazy way, they can go back into my past & see how it was & just have immense faith that I too can do it. I fear that I will fail if I am put to test. I want to be that same person I was, about 4 years back. So resourceful. So full of life. There was a lot of hustle & bustle around me.

I am in a new place. So there is no way that I know anybody who has their own office that I can be part of for a while. U know, like a launch pad. To do greater & better things. Something, just for me, to reassure myself that I am capable.

I have known people who are just magically lucky in this aspect. I hate my luck. I have this amazing knack of coming up against a stone wall. I must have mentioned this earlier too.